Moms with husbands who travel for work- what age are two kids manageable by yourself?
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Anonymous
| When youngest is 6 months and sleeping ok it becomes much more doable. I do have family help but they don't come when the kids are sick. You have to be organized and prep a lot of things when there are 2 parents. And also realize that for you to get a break, when dad is home he gets 2 kids to manage on his own for a weekend afternoon etc. That is the hard part I think. |
Anonymous
| Pp again. It's also easier when they're smaller. Which seems counterintuitive, but the baby doesn't have opinions on what restaurant to go to or if they want to sit through the older ones activity. Once they can make their own choices of activities and what park/friend etc they want to see, it's harder for 1 parent to manage. Not impossible given how single parents do it all the time. But hard on weekdays. |
Anonymous
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I had three under 2 (a set of twins, then a third), worked full time, and my husband traveled a lot.
In my opinion the hardest time is not when the youngest is a baby....they can just be carted around at that point. My youngest basically lived in the baby wrap for awhile. It is when the youngest gets mobile and doesn't want to be carried or strapped to a stroller, and while you are potty training the youngest while trying to keep the older ones from running wild. When the youngest was 18 months until around 3 was really tough. But even then it is doable. |
Anonymous
| It gets a lot easier when they learn to drive on their own. Before that, there is just a lot of juggling, no matter what age the kids are. |
Anonymous
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DH always traveled, often 3 out of 4 weeks a month, but was home on weekends. I have 3 kids, each 2 years apart.
It's not hard and can be enjoyable actually. If you're a sahm or only work 2 days a week, this is even more doable. I work full time. I make simpler dinners, we often eat at the playground (less whining), everyone reads together at night (versus mom and dad separately reading to kids). My newborn would lay on my lap while I read to the older two. At night I enjoy the quiet and go to sleep earlier. Key is that dh knows he doesn't get to lay around and nap when he gets home. He also doesn't get to say how hard travel was. (My dad would do all of that when I was a kid) DH KNOWS that travel is like a vacation, even the plane flight. 5 hours on a plane to watch movies or nap by yourself= vacation. Nice white fluffy hotel bed= vacation. Eating dinner in a restaurant with no kid= vacation. DH pitches in immediately when he gets home. |
Anonymous
| Easy when they're little. Hard when they're late elementary and middle school aged and want driven to various things all over the city at night. One would have music practice at the same time the other has soccer practice. |
Anonymous
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It is possible as soon as you are physically able to operate. But for some families it is never ideal.
My husband traveled the first year of our first born and we both quickly realized that wasnt OK for our family. He missed being home and I hated being a default single parent |
Anonymous
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I also had 3 within two years and DH always traveled ~ 2 weeks a month. I agree with many things stated already.
- Much depends on your personality and expectations. You are busy during this time and during the time he is away, it all falls on you. It is not for everyone. - For a time I didn’t mind when he traveled because in some ways it could be easier, though only for short periods of time. You learn to plan and make sure DH knows he needs to help out. My DH would do a lot around the house, mow the lawn, prep for meals during the week, and make sure all laundry was done before he left. - When youngest is toddler stages and wants to move around and isn’t content to just sit still for too long. I loved when T-ball practice/ games were near a playground, but, I hated missing so much of the games the older DC was in. - But, the worst time was middle school ages because of all the traveling in the car with activities - this was very stressful for me. How to essentially be into places at one time. Carpools are essential. |
Anonymous
+100 |
Anonymous
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No one solution fits all. If you have reliable family help, outsourced chores, flexible work hours, easy kids, good sleepers, no health issues, no other home/car/life maintenance unexpected issues, financial cushion...things are usually manageable.
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Anonymous
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My wife travels extensively for work.
It's really not a huge deal. Systems, organization and planning is critical. Meals should be planned. Lunches should be made the night before and packed in the fridge. Breakfast is a set menu and time. Wake up first. Get your coffee and get ready. If there's a baby, you can take them with you. Change 'em, bottle them, and then swing while you shower if they are small. If they are too big for that, shower the night before. A bit of screens is fine. 10 minutes to pull yourself together will not kill them. Get bags packed the night before. Go to bed early! That's critical for success. I will say, as a man, the thing that I find about parenting is that it's a ton of executive functioning. And it's weird, but there are so many men who just...have zero EF when it comes to their damn home. I don't know why. I love being in the weeds everywhere, ha. I work full time as a physician's assistant. And still handle a lot at home. Men: do better. |
Anonymous
Is your DH a child? Handicapped? I can't imagine catering to an able-bodied adult like that |
Anonymous
| It’s going to be overwhelming until you learn how to do it. My husband has traveled since one month postpartum. |
Anonymous
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I would get an au pair or full time nanny if your husband will be away every other week. Really even when they are older you will need it anyway if you have no family help nearby.
But the sleep improves drastically by 12-18 months old usually, which is the hardest aspect of solo parenting. |
Anonymous
| Younger is easier. When the kids are older and have activities, it is impossible to be in two places at once. |