Overly Invested Parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting discussion. I watch practice at U11 to evaluate my investment especially at the beginning of the season. I dont engage with coach or child We are paying thousands of dollars. They aren't just at the park playing around. If you dont watch how do you know what type of coach you have. Is he there just texting on his phone or is he teaching? Gamedays don't always reveal much depending on coaching styles Also is the kid just going through the motions or actually engaged. Just asking how was practice and getting a standard 'Good' back isn't enough to determine whether to stick around another year, maybe change clubs or go back to rec. I dont expect DS to go pro or even college. But i do expect decent engaged coaching and a kid that is trying to get better for all the money and time spent.

If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?

[Anonymous]

“If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?”

This parent again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?”

This parent again.

Who buys stocks they don't expect to rise or deposit in money market account with 0% interest then complain

[Anonymous]

I walk or read etc. and watch the last 10 if they are scrimmaging. I also pretend like I didn't and let my kid drive the conversation on the way home.

Its fair to want the coaches to be good at their jobs, it is also fair to say that beyond a few markers - like kids standing around too much - that most of us don't know the difference between a great session and an ok one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?”

This parent again.

Who buys stocks they don't expect to rise or deposit in money market account with 0% interest then complain

Something tells me many of you view an "investment" as getting the money back through a college scholarship. That's a terrible bet. And, unless you're getting a full ride to Stanford and are a student who couldn't get admitted on academic merits, very unlikely to get your ROI with high level travel soccer and trainings being between $10-$20K per year for at least eight years.

The investment is teaching a kid to persevere through adversity so that they don't give up on their marriage the first time their spouse argues over bills. Learn how to deal with a crappy coach, just like the awful boss they will inevitably have at some point. Shake hands with the a-hole team that beat them so that they can find it in their soul to be courteous to the neighbor whose dog repeatedly dumps in their yard. Learn to respect the referees even when they're wrong so that they don't get thrown in jail for punching a cop when pulled over for a speeding ticket when everyone else was going just as fast. Put in the work with training when noone is watching even if it doesn't earn them a starting spot - because very soon someone's son or daughter will get a promotion over them despite being incompetent and dumb - and they'll have to keep showing up to work. Oh, and be a good teammate, so that they don't end up on an anonymous forum criticizing people who they know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?”

This parent again.

Who buys stocks they don't expect to rise or deposit in money market account with 0% interest then complain

There all sorts of levels of return. College or pro would be equivalent to buying Google or Amazon or Aol back in the day early. We should expect to be getting long term growth stick though which would be playing at the highest level your natural potential allows plus all of the other intangibles that you receive from competitive sports

[Anonymous]

These kids will quit when they get to high school and see there is a world outside of soccer.

The most invested parent I know (who was not a jerk, but very focused) moved to a new state for their kid's soccer career. Kid only played through sophomore year and then quit for good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Calling other players is absurd. If a parent called my kid I would not take it well and they wouldn't be doing that any longer.

Watching practices is different. I enjoy watching my kid play and he often wants my opinion on things. There could even be a situation where the player wants the practices filmed. So if the parent is chill or helpful, then there is no problem watching practices. If the parent is mental and controlling...problem. Stop grouping people together and making rules on general behavior.

Shouldn't he be getting his coach's opinion?

Who says he isn't? Why assume something? My son gets lots of opinions to include his parents when asked.

[Anonymous]

As far as watching practices goes, I'd rather go for a walk, read a book or go grab a bite to eat than be there at the field staring at my DD running drills.

If they are scrimmaging another team in the club, I may stick around or may not.

My DD has certainly asked questions about things, most team dynamic/politics type stuff. She wouldn't ask me about any sort of soccer question, because frankly, I wouldn't be able to answer! Her skill level passed mine when she was at about U9.

Plus, we have always encouraged her to talk to the coach when she has things to review or needs additional detail on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“If you don't expect your DS to reach any high levels of play, what's this investment you speak of?”

This parent again.

Who buys stocks they don't expect to rise or deposit in money market account with 0% interest then complain

Something tells me many of you view an "investment" as getting the money back through a college scholarship. That's a terrible bet. And, unless you're getting a full ride to Stanford and are a student who couldn't get admitted on academic merits, very unlikely to get your ROI with high level travel soccer and trainings being between $10-$20K per year for at least eight years.

The investment is teaching a kid to persevere through adversity so that they don't give up on their marriage the first time their spouse argues over bills. Learn how to deal with a crappy coach, just like the awful boss they will inevitably have at some point. Shake hands with the a-hole team that beat them so that they can find it in their soul to be courteous to the neighbor whose dog repeatedly dumps in their yard. Learn to respect the referees even when they're wrong so that they don't get thrown in jail for punching a cop when pulled over for a speeding ticket when everyone else was going just as fast. Put in the work with training when noone is watching even if it doesn't earn them a starting spot - because very soon someone's son or daughter will get a promotion over them despite being incompetent and dumb - and they'll have to keep showing up to work. Oh, and be a good teammate, so that they don't end up on an anonymous forum criticizing people who they know nothing about.

So you're gonna hover and micromanage them to autonomy and independence.

Got it

[Anonymous]

+1

I pay a lot of money and it is basically my hobby as well. I just enjoy watching my kid play soccer

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is on a MLSNext team and there are parents who watch practices. I don’t watch except occasionally when I get back early. But if I had time and weren’t busy working some more or running errands during practices, I would watch more. The parents are chill and don’t audibly say stuff to their kids. But mostly I enjoy watching my kid and his team play because they’re so good and focused and can’t we just appreciate that?

I mostly stay through all of my kid's practice. We are a soccer family and I have 3-5 that all play depending on when asked over the past 5 years. We drive 40 min to a bit over an hour depending on what field they are training on. I work inside all day and enjoy being outside in the evenings no matter the weather (rather than sitting in my car). My kids also seem to enjoy me being around (even my older ones) and notice when I am not. I don't engage with them at all nor do any of the other parents that are there. I see some of the same parents there, we talk and I have become friends with many of them. Truth be told, I enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

I honestly didn’t realize that watching your child practice was discouraged. The field is about 45 minutes from my home, and as a parent of an only child, I naturally want to be there for her. I work all day on my computer, so by the time practice rolls around, I’d rather not sit in the car or walk around aimlessly. Parking is also limited, and if I leave, there’s no guarantee I’ll find a spot again.

I simply enjoy quietly watching my child practice—never interfering with the coach or distracting anyone. In fact, my child doesn’t even acknowledge me during practice, which I respect. I just want to be nearby in case anything happens, and yes, sometimes I chat with other parents—just normal, friendly socializing.

It’s disheartening how quick people can be to judge other parents. We’re all just trying to do our best, and being present for our children shouldn’t be something we’re made to feel guilty about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly didn’t realize that watching your child practice was discouraged. The field is about 45 minutes from my home, and as a parent of an only child, I naturally want to be there for her. I work all day on my computer, so by the time practice rolls around, I’d rather not sit in the car or walk around aimlessly. Parking is also limited, and if I leave, there’s no guarantee I’ll find a spot again.

I simply enjoy quietly watching my child practice—never interfering with the coach or distracting anyone. In fact, my child doesn’t even acknowledge me during practice, which I respect. I just want to be nearby in case anything happens, and yes, sometimes I chat with other parents—just normal, friendly socializing.

It’s disheartening how quick people can be to judge other parents. We’re all just trying to do our best, and being present for our children shouldn’t be something we’re made to feel guilty about.

You know, most parents are like you, including me. You’re cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly didn’t realize that watching your child practice was discouraged. The field is about 45 minutes from my home, and as a parent of an only child, I naturally want to be there for her. I work all day on my computer, so by the time practice rolls around, I’d rather not sit in the car or walk around aimlessly. Parking is also limited, and if I leave, there’s no guarantee I’ll find a spot again.

I simply enjoy quietly watching my child practice—never interfering with the coach or distracting anyone. In fact, my child doesn’t even acknowledge me during practice, which I respect. I just want to be nearby in case anything happens, and yes, sometimes I chat with other parents—just normal, friendly socializing.

It’s disheartening how quick people can be to judge other parents. We’re all just trying to do our best, and being present for our children shouldn’t be something we’re made to feel guilty about.

But then there are parents who can’t help themselves and comment during practices. And you have kids constantly looking at their parent for approval.

[Anonymous]

We have the sabbotor parent in our team constantly sabotaging the coach and club but won't leave. Pure toxicity. Nothing is good unless their kids is the center of playing time, attention, goals, etc.