What I learned after doing the college app process with 3 kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like good advice if the family's absolute priority is to get admission into an ivy or ivy-ish school. But this parent driven strategy since 9th grade, with tutors involved at first A- or B, and focusing on every single point on each small assignment and curating interests/ECs and manufacturing their "passion" to create a narrative just for the purposes of ivy admission sounds exhausting and inauthentic. I do wonder as parents what we are teaching our kids if we follow this strategy and they observe what matters to us.

I don't see a lot of failure, creativity or authenticity being celebrated here.

College "entrance" is not a destination in itself. I do worry this coaching is so focused on entry not experience.

These are the last years our kids will live with us full-time. This is their adolescence and the end of their teen years. It should be for exploration, ups and downs and learning from bumps. Not just a curated well-paved path to enter a prestigious place with tons of scaffolding and support.

I don’t know my first got in unhooked with no branding or paid counselor. I was his essay editor. A few weeks of test prep. That’s it. He just did what he wanted, had a summer job, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like good advice if the family's absolute priority is to get admission into an ivy or ivy-ish school. But this parent driven strategy since 9th grade, with tutors involved at first A- or B, and focusing on every single point on each small assignment and curating interests/ECs and manufacturing their "passion" to create a narrative just for the purposes of ivy admission sounds exhausting and inauthentic. I do wonder as parents what we are teaching our kids if we follow this strategy and they observe what matters to us.

I don't see a lot of failure, creativity or authenticity being celebrated here.

College "entrance" is not a destination in itself. I do worry this coaching is so focused on entry not experience.

These are the last years our kids will live with us full-time. This is their adolescence and the end of their teen years. It should be for exploration, ups and downs and learning from bumps. Not just a curated well-paved path to enter a prestigious place with tons of scaffolding and support.

I don’t know my first got in unhooked with no branding or paid counselor. I was his essay editor. A few weeks of test prep. That’s it. He just did what he wanted, had a summer job, etc

What major?
Asian?

My theory is that branding is only necessary for oversubscribed majors when you are an Asian male. You kind of have to fight an uphill battle there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you look at who the kid is in junior year. Then you see if you can "find a story" based on what they've loved, done, are passionate about.

It's not manufacturing it - its looking at their record.

Some kids won't have anything. And that's ok. Those kids aren't competitive for the top schools.

Other kids, of their own will and drive, will have stuff. Those kids already have a brand that they've developed. Sometimes even unknowingly. Those are often the strongest candidates and writers.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

Weirdo. Everyone brands themselves - it’s actual important as an adult.

Like the Lululemon/Yukon Denali moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you look at who the kid is in junior year. Then you see if you can "find a story" based on what they've loved, done, are passionate about.

It's not manufacturing it - its looking at their record.

Some kids won't have anything. And that's ok. Those kids aren't competitive for the top schools.

Other kids, of their own will and drive, will have stuff. Those kids already have a brand that they've developed. Sometimes even unknowingly. Those are often the strongest candidates and writers.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

Weirdo. Everyone brands themselves - it’s actual important as an adult.

Like the Lululemon/Yukon Denali moms?

Who?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you look at who the kid is in junior year. Then you see if you can "find a story" based on what they've loved, done, are passionate about.

It's not manufacturing it - its looking at their record.

Some kids won't have anything. And that's ok. Those kids aren't competitive for the top schools.

Other kids, of their own will and drive, will have stuff. Those kids already have a brand that they've developed. Sometimes even unknowingly. Those are often the strongest candidates and writers.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

Weirdo. Everyone brands themselves - it’s actual important as an adult.

LOL. No, they don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like good advice if the family's absolute priority is to get admission into an ivy or ivy-ish school. But this parent driven strategy since 9th grade, with tutors involved at first A- or B, and focusing on every single point on each small assignment and curating interests/ECs and manufacturing their "passion" to create a narrative just for the purposes of ivy admission sounds exhausting and inauthentic. I do wonder as parents what we are teaching our kids if we follow this strategy and they observe what matters to us.

I don't see a lot of failure, creativity or authenticity being celebrated here.

College "entrance" is not a destination in itself. I do worry this coaching is so focused on entry not experience.

These are the last years our kids will live with us full-time. This is their adolescence and the end of their teen years. It should be for exploration, ups and downs and learning from bumps. Not just a curated well-paved path to enter a prestigious place with tons of scaffolding and support.

I don’t know my first got in unhooked with no branding or paid counselor. I was his essay editor. A few weeks of test prep. That’s it. He just did what he wanted, had a summer job, etc

I was responding to OP who wrote this in the initial post:

"For our first child we did use an extra college counselor, but we didn’t feel the need to do the same for the next two. We learned enough with the first. I also acknowledge we had a lot of privilege when it came to paying for tutors, extracurriculars, etc…:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like good advice if the family's absolute priority is to get admission into an ivy or ivy-ish school. But this parent driven strategy since 9th grade, with tutors involved at first A- or B, and focusing on every single point on each small assignment and curating interests/ECs and manufacturing their "passion" to create a narrative just for the purposes of ivy admission sounds exhausting and inauthentic. I do wonder as parents what we are teaching our kids if we follow this strategy and they observe what matters to us.

I don't see a lot of failure, creativity or authenticity being celebrated here.

College "entrance" is not a destination in itself. I do worry this coaching is so focused on entry not experience.

These are the last years our kids will live with us full-time. This is their adolescence and the end of their teen years. It should be for exploration, ups and downs and learning from bumps. Not just a curated well-paved path to enter a prestigious place with tons of scaffolding and support.

I don’t know my first got in unhooked with no branding or paid counselor. I was his essay editor. A few weeks of test prep. That’s it. He just did what he wanted, had a summer job, etc

What major?
Asian?

My theory is that branding is only necessary for oversubscribed majors when you are an Asian male. You kind of have to fight an uphill battle there.

💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh. I’d rather hear from parents whose kids turned out great even if they didn’t attend one of these colleges.

I’d rather hear from parents who aren’t in the 1% and have thousands of dollars for tutoring, coaching, and private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know enough about academia, the job hunt and tenure process, etc. to know that the difference between a "top" school and an "okay" school is mostly the other kids there with you. If this is how you get in to a "top" school, I'm not sure that's the right cohort for my child.

This is what I am seeing as well. The peer groups are the biggest difference. Not the education. Certainly not the facilities. Not the professors. Not the opportunities. Kids get out of it what they put into it.

Also after getting into these top schools the crazy intense competition doesn’t end there. There will always be competition for clubs, etc. It is never ending. Few kids have the drive or stamina for succeeding in that while maintaining good mental health - and the ones who do are often sociopaths who end up being CEOs and politicians.

+1
DD’s at TJ and has loved it there. Would go again in a heartbeat. But is not looking for a hyper competitive environment for college. (Thankfully)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know enough about academia, the job hunt and tenure process, etc. to know that the difference between a "top" school and an "okay" school is mostly the other kids there with you. If this is how you get in to a "top" school, I'm not sure that's the right cohort for my child.

This is what I am seeing as well. The peer groups are the biggest difference. Not the education. Certainly not the facilities. Not the professors. Not the opportunities. Kids get out of it what they put into it.

Also after getting into these top schools the crazy intense competition doesn’t end there. There will always be competition for clubs, etc. It is never ending. Few kids have the drive or stamina for succeeding in that while maintaining good mental health - and the ones who do are often sociopaths who end up being CEOs and politicians.

+1
DD’s at TJ and has loved it there. Would go again in a heartbeat. But is not looking for a hyper competitive environment for college. (Thankfully)

Do you consider UVA/Michigan/Chapel Hill "hyper competitive"? Where is the line?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you look at who the kid is in junior year. Then you see if you can "find a story" based on what they've loved, done, are passionate about.

It's not manufacturing it - its looking at their record.

Some kids won't have anything. And that's ok. Those kids aren't competitive for the top schools.

Other kids, of their own will and drive, will have stuff. Those kids already have a brand that they've developed. Sometimes even unknowingly. Those are often the strongest candidates and writers.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

Weirdo. Everyone brands themselves - it’s actual important as an adult.

DP. No, not everyone. Only the d-bags we make fun of.

NP. Who hurt you?

[Anonymous]

If you use “branding” (without quotation marks around it) in any context, you immediately lose 80% of the readers & should be sent to a re-education camp in Mongolia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you use “branding” (without quotation marks around it) in any context, you immediately lose 80% of the readers & should be sent to a re-education camp in Mongolia.

Branding isn’t this tedious exercise.
It’s a soundbite, an academic persona, a narrative that weaves through your entire application. Basically it’s a short tidbit so AO can remember you, and in turn want to bring you to committee and then once there, wants to fight for you.

It’s not that serious.

[Anonymous]

+1
And the LOR all reinforce that persona.
Don’t overthink this.

Listen to some podcasts about this - search old threads where many of us have given recs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like good advice if the family's absolute priority is to get admission into an ivy or ivy-ish school. But this parent driven strategy since 9th grade, with tutors involved at first A- or B, and focusing on every single point on each small assignment and curating interests/ECs and manufacturing their "passion" to create a narrative just for the purposes of ivy admission sounds exhausting and inauthentic. I do wonder as parents what we are teaching our kids if we follow this strategy and they observe what matters to us.

I don't see a lot of failure, creativity or authenticity being celebrated here.

College "entrance" is not a destination in itself. I do worry this coaching is so focused on entry not experience.

These are the last years our kids will live with us full-time. This is their adolescence and the end of their teen years. It should be for exploration, ups and downs and learning from bumps. Not just a curated well-paved path to enter a prestigious place with tons of scaffolding and support.

I don’t know my first got in unhooked with no branding or paid counselor. I was his essay editor. A few weeks of test prep. That’s it. He just did what he wanted, had a summer job, etc

I was responding to OP who wrote this in the initial post:

"For our first child we did use an extra college counselor, but we didn’t feel the need to do the same for the next two. We learned enough with the first. I also acknowledge we had a lot of privilege when it came to paying for tutors, extracurriculars, etc…:

Why are you responding to my post stating that’? I’m not OP- I wrote the above post not you.