What I learned after doing the college app process with 3 kids

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04/04/2025 11:59

Subject: What I learned after doing the college app process with 3 kids

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I've saved as if my DD is going to a top 50. I don't think that's going to happen. She has some executive functioning issues her freshman and sophomore year that we are addressing. She scores fine on tests, but she has a couple of Cs on her record because she didn't turn things in on time.

I've accepted that we will just look for mid private schools. She will drown in a large state school. I went to a good school. Once I accepted my DD won't follow my path, I'm much calmer and nag much less. She will still be successful! She still has a 3.7 GPA. In what world is that not OK?

It is totally ok!

I think OP's story is only relevant if you have a smart, neurotypical kid who really cares about going to an elite school, you have a lot of resources to put towards the project and, importantly, the kid is willing and able to do what the adults at home and school tell him to do regardless of how stressful it is. That still doesn't make a reach a target, but it puts you in the pool.

But, you don't have to be in that rat race. Maybe that's by choice (that is, you have the money and the type of kid who COULD be in play) or it's accepting the reality that this is not your situation. And that's ok. Your kid can still find colleges where they can do well and go on to happy, productive lives.

I've got two kids in college. One at VT but a major that had an 80%ish acceptance rate so it was a safety. The other at a mid-range LAC (acceptance rate around 70-80%, I don't remember exactly). Both felt their schools were a great fit. They have excellent programs for their goals, are providing them a lot of practical experience while in school, and they've found good friend groups. Have had good summer jobs/internships in their fields. VT kid is graduating with a job in his field that he's excited about that pays $85k.

Both have ADHD although the LAC one struggles more with it and works with an EF coach. VT kid barely had ECs in HS other than summer job and some family volunteering. LAC kid focused on music. Our priorities for them in HS were balance academically so they wouldn't be overwhelmed, sleep time, and encouraging good friendships. It all worked out fine IMO without expecting them to turn themselves inside out to become a perfect college applicant. They did have good rigor but were probably in the top quarter of their class, not top 10%. Focused on APs in areas of strength. Mix of As and Bs. Each kid only applied to one reach (in state publics) but didn't ED to those because they really weren't their first choices. They really liked their safeties so not getting into the reaches was really no big deal.

So, my main lesson learned - focus on helping the kid understand what is important to them at college and doing the research with them to find schools that can provide that, fit your budget, and they are likely to get into. That hugely lowers the stress level in the whole process. Even if they do want to shoot for a lot of reaches, investing in research early to find highly-likely schools that have great things for them is the best way to head off disappointment.