Extended Family Birthday celebrations for kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh. We live in same town as one set, about an hour away from another one, and previously lived a short distance from third set. Kids parties were always just for kids ( does grandma really want to come to the bowling alley or rock gym?) and sometimes if we did a dinner our grandparents would come but certainly not always. No “family parties” at all. Everyone seemed fine with this. We don’t make that kind of massive deal about birthdays.

Sad that your family ignores your kids on their birthdays and you encourage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. We live in same town as one set, about an hour away from another one, and previously lived a short distance from third set. Kids parties were always just for kids ( does grandma really want to come to the bowling alley or rock gym?) and sometimes if we did a dinner our grandparents would come but certainly not always. No “family parties” at all. Everyone seemed fine with this. We don’t make that kind of massive deal about birthdays.

Not at all. They call and sing happy birthday, send gift (or check now that kids older) and we all have loving close relationships. We just don’t set up expectations that birthdays need to extended affairs for everyone every year. Reading these answers through I’m quite pleased with our arrangement. Thanks for your concern.

Sad that your family ignores your kids on their birthdays and you encourage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No the boomers keep asking when they are going to be invited to a party to celebrate the birthday. They 100% expect OP to throw an extra party just for their benefit. This is stupid, entitled and ridiculous boomer behavior.

Just be direct and repeat that you are not having a second party. They can FaceTime a Happy Birthday or do a regular call, send a card through the mail, send a gift or not or just stew that their grandchild is enjoying her birthday in NYC rather than celebrating in a manner that works better for them.

Calm down. These people love and just want to celebrate their granddaughter. Op is just being difficult for no apparent reason. Does she not like her daughter enough to want people to acknowledge her birthday more than once?

You are missing the point. OP’s kid picked a trip to NYC and has or had things planned with both set of grandparents. One of the sets wants an additional birthday party because their visit did not count because it was 4 days before the actual birthday. This has nothing to do with the birthday girl and all about difficult parents.

I already posted that we no longer have extended birthday parties with grandparents, their choice, because my teens aren’t excited for cake etc anymore and aren’t fun little kids. They STILL call and have issues with our celebration if we don’t have a traditional cake. It’s apparently not a birthday without a traditional cake and “happy birthday” written on it. It doesn’t matter if the birthday kid picked a different dessert, which they frequently do, because they don’t really like cake. I ignore all of that behavior. I found out in recent years that ice cream cake doesn’t even count. The boomer generation is really amazing with their demands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No the boomers keep asking when they are going to be invited to a party to celebrate the birthday. They 100% expect OP to throw an extra party just for their benefit. This is stupid, entitled and ridiculous boomer behavior.

Just be direct and repeat that you are not having a second party. They can FaceTime a Happy Birthday or do a regular call, send a card through the mail, send a gift or not or just stew that their grandchild is enjoying her birthday in NYC rather than celebrating in a manner that works better for them.

Calm down. These people love and just want to celebrate their granddaughter. Op is just being difficult for no apparent reason. Does she not like her daughter enough to want people to acknowledge her birthday more than once?

They celebrated her a week before her birthday. DD chose the party she wanted, grandparents shouldn't override what the birthday girl wants.

You think it's more important that we cater to the grandparents rather than the one celebrating the birthday? No one is being difficult, mom is following what DD wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No the boomers keep asking when they are going to be invited to a party to celebrate the birthday. They 100% expect OP to throw an extra party just for their benefit. This is stupid, entitled and ridiculous boomer behavior.

Just be direct and repeat that you are not having a second party. They can FaceTime a Happy Birthday or do a regular call, send a card through the mail, send a gift or not or just stew that their grandchild is enjoying her birthday in NYC rather than celebrating in a manner that works better for them.

Calm down. These people love and just want to celebrate their granddaughter. Op is just being difficult for no apparent reason. Does she not like her daughter enough to want people to acknowledge her birthday more than once?

You are missing the point. OP’s kid picked a trip to NYC and has or had things planned with both set of grandparents. One of the sets wants an additional birthday party because their visit did not count because it was 4 days before the actual birthday. This has nothing to do with the birthday girl and all about difficult parents.

I already posted that we no longer have extended birthday parties with grandparents, their choice, because my teens aren’t excited for cake etc anymore and aren’t fun little kids. They STILL call and have issues with our celebration if we don’t have a traditional cake. It’s apparently not a birthday without a traditional cake and “happy birthday” written on it. It doesn’t matter if the birthday kid picked a different dessert, which they frequently do, because they don’t really like cake. I ignore all of that behavior. I found out in recent years that ice cream cake doesn’t even count. The boomer generation is really amazing with their demands.

This X1000. The boomers really want a celebration for them, the kid is a pretext and they do not care what the kid wants. It’s always about what they want and shouldn’t the kid’s mother just do a little more to placate to them? Always, always just do more for the boomers. It’s exhausting!

[Anonymous]

Just let them come and do a dinner/cake. What's the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let them come and do a dinner/cake. What's the big deal?

Because they aren't local and OP will have to host them while they are getting their party (because lets be clear, it's not for DD).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No the boomers keep asking when they are going to be invited to a party to celebrate the birthday. They 100% expect OP to throw an extra party just for their benefit. This is stupid, entitled and ridiculous boomer behavior.

Just be direct and repeat that you are not having a second party. They can FaceTime a Happy Birthday or do a regular call, send a card through the mail, send a gift or not or just stew that their grandchild is enjoying her birthday in NYC rather than celebrating in a manner that works better for them.

Calm down. These people love and just want to celebrate their granddaughter. Op is just being difficult for no apparent reason. Does she not like her daughter enough to want people to acknowledge her birthday more than once?

You are missing the point. OP’s kid picked a trip to NYC and has or had things planned with both set of grandparents. One of the sets wants an additional birthday party because their visit did not count because it was 4 days before the actual birthday. This has nothing to do with the birthday girl and all about difficult parents.

I already posted that we no longer have extended birthday parties with grandparents, their choice, because my teens aren’t excited for cake etc anymore and aren’t fun little kids. They STILL call and have issues with our celebration if we don’t have a traditional cake. It’s apparently not a birthday without a traditional cake and “happy birthday” written on it. It doesn’t matter if the birthday kid picked a different dessert, which they frequently do, because they don’t really like cake. I ignore all of that behavior. I found out in recent years that ice cream cake doesn’t even count. The boomer generation is really amazing with their demands.

It doesn’t have to be a party. But Op never brought it up at the in-laws to head it off at the pass. Not very smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No the boomers keep asking when they are going to be invited to a party to celebrate the birthday. They 100% expect OP to throw an extra party just for their benefit. This is stupid, entitled and ridiculous boomer behavior.

Just be direct and repeat that you are not having a second party. They can FaceTime a Happy Birthday or do a regular call, send a card through the mail, send a gift or not or just stew that their grandchild is enjoying her birthday in NYC rather than celebrating in a manner that works better for them.

Calm down. These people love and just want to celebrate their granddaughter. Op is just being difficult for no apparent reason. Does she not like her daughter enough to want people to acknowledge her birthday more than once?

You are missing the point. OP’s kid picked a trip to NYC and has or had things planned with both set of grandparents. One of the sets wants an additional birthday party because their visit did not count because it was 4 days before the actual birthday. This has nothing to do with the birthday girl and all about difficult parents.

I already posted that we no longer have extended birthday parties with grandparents, their choice, because my teens aren’t excited for cake etc anymore and aren’t fun little kids. They STILL call and have issues with our celebration if we don’t have a traditional cake. It’s apparently not a birthday without a traditional cake and “happy birthday” written on it. It doesn’t matter if the birthday kid picked a different dessert, which they frequently do, because they don’t really like cake. I ignore all of that behavior. I found out in recent years that ice cream cake doesn’t even count. The boomer generation is really amazing with their demands.

This X1000. The boomers really want a celebration for them, the kid is a pretext and they do not care what the kid wants. It’s always about what they want and shouldn’t the kid’s mother just do a little more to placate to them? Always, always just do more for the boomers. It’s exhausting!

This sounds like a you problem with all the projection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One set of grandparents always came for the kids b-days (even when they were teens), one didn't. What's the big deal if you have cake in NYC and again at home? Be happy her grandparents want to be so engaged in her life!

OP here. I'm not sure how this wouldn't be a big deal? Clean guest room and wash the sheets, make sure I have enough food for multiple meals a day, bake a cake, clean the house, cancel events we've already scheduled.
?

You sound like a martyr. Your DH can do the cleaning or hire a cleaning service, get a cake at the grocery store and make whatever food you would be making anyway or get some premade food/takeout. Tell ILs you already have plans and they can either tag along or if that’s not appropriate they can stay home and babysit DD. It’s really not that complicated.

What’s not complicated is just doing nothing with the grandparents! It isn’t their birthday! OP doesn’t have t cater to them. Good grief, people really do need bear spray to get the boomers to back off!

I don’t think every birthday needs to be a big event for the family. Sounds like a lot if grandparents desperately need something to do and they expect their kids to provide the itinerary. If they really need a big party they should cough up the money for the cake (by 10-12 the cake the kid is hardly excited about).

My parents were and still are hooked on celebrating every birthday. I still remember them buying the same big birthday cake from the same bakery forcing us the sit in front of it for photos. By age 12 it was excruciating. Then one day I realized it was all about them. Now they’re trying to force the same thing with my kids.

This is a bizarre take on loving parenting, they forced you to sit in front of the big birthday cake and take a picture?! Most people would call themselves lucky! Your parents created a birthday tradition, celebrating you by planning a party, ordering a cake from the same bakery each year. It's often described as consistency and most humans thrive in this environment. So odd how you twist this extremely normal celebration into something evil and selfish on the parents part.

Well, it wasn’t a big party with 20 relatives. I was 12-16 years old with them buying a cake I didn’t even like and my dad standing there taking photo after photo. I had to eventually beg them to stop buying the cake. It was like a scene out of a sitcom.