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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One set of grandparents always came for the kids b-days (even when they were teens), one didn't.  What's the big deal if you have cake in NYC and again at home?  Be happy her grandparents want to be so engaged in her life![/quote]

OP here. I'm not sure how this wouldn't be a big deal? Clean guest room and wash the sheets, make sure I have enough food for multiple meals a day, bake a cake, clean the house, cancel events we've already scheduled. 
?[/quote]

You sound like a martyr. Your DH can do the cleaning or hire a cleaning service, get a cake at the grocery store and make whatever food you would be making anyway or get some premade food/takeout. Tell ILs you already have plans and they can either tag along or if that’s not appropriate they can stay home and babysit DD. It’s really not that complicated. [/quote]

What’s not complicated is just doing nothing with the grandparents! It isn’t their birthday! OP doesn’t have t cater to them. Good grief, people really do need bear spray to get the boomers to back off! [/quote]

I don’t think every birthday needs to be a big event for the family. Sounds like a lot if grandparents desperately need something to do and they expect their kids to provide the itinerary. If they really need a big party they should cough up the money for the cake (by 10-12 the cake the kid is hardly excited about).

My parents were and still are hooked on celebrating every birthday. I still remember them buying the same big birthday cake from the same bakery forcing us the sit in front of it for photos. By age 12 it was excruciating. Then one day I realized it was all about them. Now they’re trying to force the same thing with my kids. [/quote]

This is a bizarre take on loving parenting, they forced you to sit in front of the big birthday cake and take a picture?! Most people would call themselves lucky! Your parents created a birthday tradition, celebrating you by planning a party, ordering a cake from the same bakery each year. It's often described as consistency and most humans thrive in this environment. So odd how you twist this extremely normal celebration into something evil and selfish on the parents part. [/quote]

Well, it wasn’t a big party with 20 relatives. I was 12-16 years old with them buying a cake I didn’t even like and my dad standing there taking photo after photo. I had to eventually beg them to stop buying the cake. It was like a scene out of a sitcom. [/quote]

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