21-year-old not home or answering calls or texts...what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg. I celebrated my21st bday with my boyfriend in Vegas. In no way was I thinking of calling my parents.

You don't understand the difference between being away on a planned trip with someone versus telling the person you live with you'd be home that night? I don't care if it was my 60-year-old mother; if she said she'd be home that night and didn't show up, I'd be worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t everyone spend the night out on their 21st birthday sleeping it off with friends instead of your parents? I’d be worried if my kid didn’t do that.

Agree. The worry would be his social development if he didn't stay out all night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg. I celebrated my21st bday with my boyfriend in Vegas. In no way was I thinking of calling my parents.

You sound somewhat sleazy TBH.

Celebrating your 31st birthday like a 35 year old?

Not sure you should be giving out parenting advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies, all. Believe me, I know he's an adult. As I said, I never did the phone tracking. He's away at college all year and I am aware it's none of my business how late he stays out, who he's with, etc. And I would never dare ask. But when someone is at your home, whether it's an adult kid, spouse, a relative staying with me, anybody, who said they'd be sleeping at my house then didn't show up, I'd be worried. Particularly in this city these days (and I have lived here for 25 years and didn't used to feel this way). I sent him a couple of texts saying I just wanted to make sure all was well, since he didn't come back to the house, as he said he would. When an hour went by unanswered, I just panicked. That one reply here he was probably sleeping it off and to go back to sleep shut the stupid panic down, and I went back to sleep. I just needed someone to say, calm the f down in the moment. So I greatly appreciate it! He texted at 5:30 and said, "sorry, I fell asleep. My bad."

Phew. I would have panicked as well. It's the fact they're home, have gone out and aren't responding, like you said. I don't panic when my college kid doesn't respond at college, because somehow our relationship is different when he's not living under my roof. So I completely understand!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg. I celebrated my21st bday with my boyfriend in Vegas. In no way was I thinking of calling my parents.

You sound somewhat sleazy TBH.

Celebrating your 31st birthday like a 35 year old?

Not sure you should be giving out parenting advice.

You shouldn't be doing anything but studying Maryland's new literacy curriculum for 3rd graders.

[Anonymous]

It's ok to be worried as a parent, OP.
Someone will always say something negative. Then, when something happens, those people will be the same ones saying "don't you know where your kids are at all times?!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg. I celebrated my21st bday with my boyfriend in Vegas. In no way was I thinking of calling my parents.

It’s not comparable - don’t be dense. I doubt OP tracks her kid when he is at college or away from home; that’s apples and oranges. I don’t track my son either who is my firstborn and extremely conscientious and responsible, but when he’s home for the summer and is expected home at a certain time, I worry - especially because it’s not his norm to not give me a heads up. He’s free to stay out all night or crash wherever, but generally he would tell me because he doesn’t want us to worry.

I also would worry if my DH didn’t come home at the expected time, or my elderly mother. It’s common courtesy to let family members know if you’ll be later than expected.

To act like this is an anomaly or that OP is being unreasonable is ridiculous - maybe PPs are just looking for any excuse to sh*t on someone.

[Anonymous]

Just to add / I actually did post here one night when I could not reach my DH. People were surprisingly supportive and gave good feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t everyone spend the night out on their 21st birthday sleeping it off with friends instead of your parents? I’d be worried if my kid didn’t do that.

This. OP are you usually an anxious person?

Not OP but when my kids became teens I became a very anxious person. I hate it. I do a lot of deep breathing and self talk to stay calm. I refuse to self medicate with Wine or meds...

[Anonymous]

OP, just a general rule that I use. If your young adult does not come home at night, then you send a text asking them to let you know if/when they are not coming home that night. Don't panic or do anything else (other than worry, which most parents can't help), until the morning. After the hour that they normally get up, if they haven't checked back in, you can send another note. Wait at least 3-4 hours after they normally get up, if they have not responded, then you can start reaching out to check on where they might be. Check in with friends they may have been with, places that they may have gone. Wait at least 24 hours after the last time you saw them before you call hospitals, police, etc.

Not saying you should do any of these things, but just trying to give you some ideas of time frame to start checking up on them, if you are worried and anxious and want to do these things.

[Anonymous]

I have a rule that I get a text “I’m not coming home” if they stay out, if they forget I get a text “I’m alive” by 10am.