21-year-old not home or answering calls or texts...what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Glad you heard from him, OP, hope he had a fun night!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he’s wasted banging some chick at 3 am and he gets a text from his mommy….

Talk about way to kill the mood.

But imagine if he had just sent a text saying, gonna stay out tonight after all. Then the mood would not have been killed. It's just common courtesy to let people whose roof you live under know that you are staying out.

Maybe he didn't want to deal with the follow-up texts "OK, Are you staying at Brandon's?" "Are you guys safe to drive?" "What time do you think you'll he home?"

[Anonymous]

I am like you.

But given it us his birthday, and he us turning 21 (legal drinking age), he have given in to peer pressure and is being wilder than usual.

When he comes home, don’t yell at him but share that you were worried and agree to some system in the future (like if you anticipate not coming home or coming home after X, please text me so I don’t worry.

You texting him while he is with his friends is not the option it used to be. I know because I gave a 24 year old.

You can only ask for a heads up (while he is living with you), and HOPE that he will be considerate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies, all. Believe me, I know he's an adult. As I said, I never did the phone tracking. He's away at college all year and I am aware it's none of my business how late he stays out, who he's with, etc. And I would never dare ask. But when someone is at your home, whether it's an adult kid, spouse, a relative staying with me, anybody, who said they'd be sleeping at my house then didn't show up, I'd be worried. Particularly in this city these days (and I have lived here for 25 years and didn't used to feel this way). I sent him a couple of texts saying I just wanted to make sure all was well, since he didn't come back to the house, as he said he would. When an hour went by unanswered, I just panicked. That one reply here he was probably sleeping it off and to go back to sleep shut the stupid panic down, and I went back to sleep. I just needed someone to say, calm the f down in the moment. So I greatly appreciate it! He texted at 5:30 and said, "sorry, I fell asleep. My bad."

OPs top watching fox and newsmax

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies, all. Believe me, I know he's an adult. As I said, I never did the phone tracking. He's away at college all year and I am aware it's none of my business how late he stays out, who he's with, etc. And I would never dare ask. But when someone is at your home, whether it's an adult kid, spouse, a relative staying with me, anybody, who said they'd be sleeping at my house then didn't show up, I'd be worried. Particularly in this city these days (and I have lived here for 25 years and didn't used to feel this way). I sent him a couple of texts saying I just wanted to make sure all was well, since he didn't come back to the house, as he said he would. When an hour went by unanswered, I just panicked. That one reply here he was probably sleeping it off and to go back to sleep shut the stupid panic down, and I went back to sleep. I just needed someone to say, calm the f down in the moment. So I greatly appreciate it! He texted at 5:30 and said, "sorry, I fell asleep. My bad."

Glad that he apologized. Sounds like he is a good kid, and that you two have the same expectations 👍

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with you OP. Even when they’re grown there are still times you worry about your kids. Glad everything is ok.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he’s wasted banging some chick at 3 am and he gets a text from his mommy….

Talk about way to kill the mood.

Just stop. You are in idiot, and OP sounds like they have a normal, healthy family.

[Anonymous]

OP, please let this be a lesson -- for you. He doesn't want to report-in to his Mother. Fine to worry. I'm a Mother too. But your worry does not change anything -- he is not/does not have to let you know his whereabouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please let this be a lesson -- for you. He doesn't want to report-in to his Mother. Fine to worry. I'm a Mother too. But your worry does not change anything -- he is not/does not have to let you know his whereabouts.

I disagree. When you're living with others, especially family, and you do not plan to come home when you have said you will, or at least within hours, at least have the courtesy to say, hi, staying with friends, see you in the morning. It's just courtesy. If others want to raise selfish jerks, fine, but my adults kids have enough courtesy to let folks in on their late night/early morning comings and goings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NEWSFLASH:
HE IS NOT A CHILD ANYMORE!!

Actually he is. He’s literally living in their home, presumably on their health and auto insurance, claimed on their taxes, using their cell phone, eating food they buy, probably driving a car they bought, and going to college on their dime. That’s all the antithesis of independent adult. :roll:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please let this be a lesson -- for you. He doesn't want to report-in to his Mother. Fine to worry. I'm a Mother too. But your worry does not change anything -- he is not/does not have to let you know his whereabouts.

I disagree. When you're living with others, especially family, and you do not plan to come home when you have said you will, or at least within hours, at least have the courtesy to say, hi, staying with friends, see you in the morning. It's just courtesy. If others want to raise selfish jerks, fine, but my adults kids have enough courtesy to let folks in on their late night/early morning comings and goings.

Exactly.

Can you imagine a daughter going out to a bar and not returning unexpectedly?
Woukd the blase among you have the same reaction or are you sexist?

Sorry, but kids who want unfettered freedom should move out of their childhood homes.

You can’t use the parents for free rent, but then complain when they act like a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please let this be a lesson -- for you. He doesn't want to report-in to his Mother. Fine to worry. I'm a Mother too. But your worry does not change anything -- he is not/does not have to let you know his whereabouts.

I disagree. When you're living with others, especially family, and you do not plan to come home when you have said you will, or at least within hours, at least have the courtesy to say, hi, staying with friends, see you in the morning. It's just courtesy. If others want to raise selfish jerks, fine, but my adults kids have enough courtesy to let folks in on their late night/early morning comings and goings.

Exactly.

Can you imagine a daughter going out to a bar and not returning unexpectedly?
Woukd the blase among you have the same reaction or are you sexist?

Sorry, but kids who want unfettered freedom should move out of their childhood homes.

You can’t use the parents for free rent, but then complain when they act like a parent.

With a daughter going out to a bar there is an additional concern of violence, typically sexual violence, against her. I wish that weren't so, but it is. Being aware of increased risk isn't being sexist.

And you're welcome to make your own house rules.

[Anonymous]

If anyone is staying at my home and doesn't come back after midnight or updates me, I'll be worried. I don't see why people are so surprised?

[Anonymous]

Worried yes. Thinking the other adult did something wrong by not notifying you, no.

[Anonymous]

If my kids are staying at home, they are considerate enough to let me know about tentative time to be back so I don't stay up and can turn on security system. If they aren't sure when they'll br back or if they'll end up staying at a friend's place then they let me know that as well. We do the same if we are going out and they are home. This is just basic courtesy. I expect same from anyone staying at my place.