Fell in love with an older man

[Anonymous]

OP here. He has 4 adult children. his finances are in good shape. His health issues cause him to move slow. he can’t keep up with me activity wise, but doesn’t mind me doing stuff without him. he’s got a bad back, bad knee, and high blood pressure. Sex life is very good and frequent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go for it. I dated someone 15-16 years younger than me and I was amazing.

Can’t say I loved her but cared for her deeply, has it gone on longer I probably would have. She was a great woman.

I had more issues with our age gap than she did but it worked when it did. Just be certain you understand he had different issues than you as stages are different. I’m already healthy and active so I side ti work out with her. It helps if you’re active and encourage him to join you.

But if you have feelings for him then go for it

How old was the woman and how old were you? If it was so "amazing" why didn't it work out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He has 4 adult children. his finances are in good shape. His health issues cause him to move slow. he can’t keep up with me activity wise, but doesn’t mind me doing stuff without him. he’s got a bad back, bad knee, and high blood pressure. Sex life is very good and frequent.

IMO if you love him then this isn't even a question. You take the good with the bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got to know a man 15 years my senior as a part of a hobby we both enjoy. Eventually he asked me out and we had a great time. We kept seeing each other and fell in love. Initially I was not expecting anything serious from this….but here we are.

We get along very well and I could not ask for better treatment, but I’m concerned about our age difference. he is not in the best of health already. At the same time I really want a life partner, and the thought of going back out on the dating market gets me down. I am 41 and he’s 56. Would you continue the relationship? Love mixed with commitment is hard to come by these days.

Hard pass

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He has 4 adult children. his finances are in good shape. His health issues cause him to move slow. he can’t keep up with me activity wise, but doesn’t mind me doing stuff without him. he’s got a bad back, bad knee, and high blood pressure. Sex life is very good and frequent.

You are 41, perimenopausal phase is about to hit and slow you down soon. It might work well or you might feel trapped. Only you can decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got to know a man 15 years my senior as a part of a hobby we both enjoy. Eventually he asked me out and we had a great time. We kept seeing each other and fell in love. Initially I was not expecting anything serious from this….but here we are.

We get along very well and I could not ask for better treatment, but I’m concerned about our age difference. he is not in the best of health already. At the same time I really want a life partner, and the thought of going back out on the dating market gets me down. I am 41 and he’s 56. Would you continue the relationship? Love mixed with commitment is hard to come by these days.

Sadly even if you are a dating a man your age when you both get to 60, your man will probably go downhill health wise and by 70 you will be taking care of him..Men do not take care of their health.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is divorced with 2 teens. He is 48 and I am 33. I love him. I am not planning to have children and his kids are great very well behaved. He doesn't look 48 but most importantly he is very active. Despite having a demanding job he keeps a regular fitness programme and he is in great shape and health. Some people take good care of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got to know a man 15 years my senior as a part of a hobby we both enjoy. Eventually he asked me out and we had a great time. We kept seeing each other and fell in love. Initially I was not expecting anything serious from this….but here we are.

We get along very well and I could not ask for better treatment, but I’m concerned about our age difference. he is not in the best of health already. At the same time I really want a life partner, and the thought of going back out on the dating market gets me down. I am 41 and he’s 56. Would you continue the relationship? Love mixed with commitment is hard to come by these days.

Sadly even if you are a dating a man your age when you both get to 60, your man will probably go downhill health wise and by 70 you will be taking care of him..Men do not take care of their health.

+1. I am 62 and my friends all have various health issues and worse they can barely do any physical activity for long. I end up going hiking or to the gym alone because couple of my friends always bail on me or do we do anything physical one day they need an extra 5 days to recuperate.

[Anonymous]

Op - If you go for the relationship, I would discuss with him how finances would be handled. You need to get advice on how you could protect your assets and fund your own retirement. Health care and aging and how one will find services see important topics.

I also think if he loves you, he owes it to both of you to find a way to work improving his health. Likely losing weight and working with a trainer would help improve his overall fitness and stamina. Has he gotten an evaluation on whether a hip or knee replacement should be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He has 4 adult children. his finances are in good shape. His health issues cause him to move slow. he can’t keep up with me activity wise, but doesn’t mind me doing stuff without him. he’s got a bad back, bad knee, and high blood pressure. Sex life is very good and frequent.

There are young 56 and old 56 and he sounds like an old 56 with a bad back, bad knee and high blood pressure. My husband is 58 and is very fit, so fit that most of his tennis singles opponents are 10-15 years younger than him. I’m 46 and I can’t keep up with him and I don’t think of myself as an old 46.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably not unless you are REALLY realistic about what this is going to look like for you. I married someone 13 years older and while we do love each other, I really didn't fully appreciate what the age difference would look like down the line, especially in regards to health. Maybe if you said he had zero issues, but it really sucks to be relatively young and feel like your life revolves around geriatric health issues. In it to win it, but I would not counsel someone my age to proceed. We are 41 and 54 for whatever that's worth and it looks like only downhill from here. I am very envious of similarly aged couples in a way I was not when younger.

Exactly the same for me. I just didn't see it when I was younger. Wish I had a husband closer to my age, within five years or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He has 4 adult children. his finances are in good shape. His health issues cause him to move slow. he can’t keep up with me activity wise, but doesn’t mind me doing stuff without him. he’s got a bad back, bad knee, and high blood pressure. Sex life is very good and frequent.

I would definitely avoid marriage. There may come a time when you still care for him and love him, but you don't want to be old with him before your time. Also, you probably don't want to get involved in a probate mess when he dies, or a conflict with his kids at the end of his life. You're better off positioning yourself to be able to easily step away when drama ensues or when you find you no longer have romantic feelings toward him.

[Anonymous]

Don't marry him. You're too old for children, so you're not having children. No reason to marry him. If he loves you, if he wants you for the right reasons, he won't care whether you marry or not. If he -only- wants to get married, at his age, he's looking for you to caretake him in his old age.

[Anonymous]

He is too old..A friend of mine who is 45 is married to a 59 years old woman. It looks like he will have to be a home health aide much sooner than he thought. She has a bunch of health challenges. And next to him she could pass for his mom that's how old she looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Continue until it doesn't work for you anymore.

yeah, but she could be wasting precious time. Say they marry and he dies at 70, she’ll be 55. That’s a tough age to find a new spouse if she doesn’t want to be alone forever after that.

As a 55-year-old widow, 100% agree with this.