Fell in love with an older man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably not unless you are REALLY realistic about what this is going to look like for you. I married someone 13 years older and while we do love each other, I really didn't fully appreciate what the age difference would look like down the line, especially in regards to health. Maybe if you said he had zero issues, but it really sucks to be relatively young and feel like your life revolves around geriatric health issues. In it to win it, but I would not counsel someone my age to proceed. We are 41 and 54 for whatever that's worth and it looks like only downhill from here. I am very envious of similarly aged couples in a way I was not when younger.

Exactly the same for me. I just didn't see it when I was younger. Wish I had a husband closer to my age, within five years or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He has 4 adult children. his finances are in good shape. His health issues cause him to move slow. he can’t keep up with me activity wise, but doesn’t mind me doing stuff without him. he’s got a bad back, bad knee, and high blood pressure. Sex life is very good and frequent.

I would definitely avoid marriage. There may come a time when you still care for him and love him, but you don't want to be old with him before your time. Also, you probably don't want to get involved in a probate mess when he dies, or a conflict with his kids at the end of his life. You're better off positioning yourself to be able to easily step away when drama ensues or when you find you no longer have romantic feelings toward him.

[Anonymous]

Don't marry him. You're too old for children, so you're not having children. No reason to marry him. If he loves you, if he wants you for the right reasons, he won't care whether you marry or not. If he -only- wants to get married, at his age, he's looking for you to caretake him in his old age.

[Anonymous]

He is too old..A friend of mine who is 45 is married to a 59 years old woman. It looks like he will have to be a home health aide much sooner than he thought. She has a bunch of health challenges. And next to him she could pass for his mom that's how old she looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Continue until it doesn't work for you anymore.

yeah, but she could be wasting precious time. Say they marry and he dies at 70, she’ll be 55. That’s a tough age to find a new spouse if she doesn’t want to be alone forever after that.

As a 55-year-old widow, 100% agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Continue until it doesn't work for you anymore.

yeah, but she could be wasting precious time. Say they marry and he dies at 70, she’ll be 55. That’s a tough age to find a new spouse if she doesn’t want to be alone forever after that.

Unlike 41, where men are in desperate search of a woman just entering menopause?

I didn’t hit menopause until 55.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably not unless you are REALLY realistic about what this is going to look like for you. I married someone 13 years older and while we do love each other, I really didn't fully appreciate what the age difference would look like down the line, especially in regards to health. Maybe if you said he had zero issues, but it really sucks to be relatively young and feel like your life revolves around geriatric health issues. In it to win it, but I would not counsel someone my age to proceed. We are 41 and 54 for whatever that's worth and it looks like only downhill from here. I am very envious of similarly aged couples in a way I was not when younger.

Exactly the same for me. I just didn't see it when I was younger. Wish I had a husband closer to my age, within five years or so.

Agree. We’re are 7 yrs apart and I think that is pushing it a little.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine to keep dating him. I wouldn’t marry him. Just enjoy the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine to keep dating him. I wouldn’t marry him. Just enjoy the relationship.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is too old..A friend of mine who is 45 is married to a 59 years old woman. It looks like he will have to be a home health aide much sooner than he thought. She has a bunch of health challenges. And next to him she could pass for his mom that's how old she looks.

Poor guy.

[Anonymous]

My DH is 13 years older than I am. We were 32 and 45 when we met (at work). We've been together 20 years. I never give the age difference much of a thought and I don't think he does either. But he is very healthy -- athletic, fit, etc. Zero health issues now.

You know who did give the age difference a thought? The DWs of his friends. F them, though. Lol. I don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is 13 years older than I am. We were 32 and 45 when we met (at work). We've been together 20 years. I never give the age difference much of a thought and I don't think he does either. But he is very healthy -- athletic, fit, etc. Zero health issues now.

You know who did give the age difference a thought? The DWs of his friends. F them, though. Lol. I don't care.

This is the way! You love who you love OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is 13 years older than I am. We were 32 and 45 when we met (at work). We've been together 20 years. I never give the age difference much of a thought and I don't think he does either. But he is very healthy -- athletic, fit, etc. Zero health issues now.

You know who did give the age difference a thought? The DWs of his friends. F them, though. Lol. I don't care.

Except this guy is already decrepit, not athletic, fit, etc. Not really the same comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is 13 years older than I am. We were 32 and 45 when we met (at work). We've been together 20 years. I never give the age difference much of a thought and I don't think he does either. But he is very healthy -- athletic, fit, etc. Zero health issues now.

You know who did give the age difference a thought? The DWs of his friends. F them, though. Lol. I don't care.

I am not surprised. I think it's because women are judged and appreciated for their beauty and youth. And let's be honest I don't care what products you use a 50 years old woman looks 50 same for a man. So some women will def feel insecure hanging out around a younger woman.

[Anonymous]

I would date for now but if you want a life partner or to get married then you should consider what it will mean to your own health. I'm 46 married to a 63 year old, we have been married for 10 years, I had kids from a prior marriage and he had none and it was a good match at first, he had a lot of energy and was in good health, and I made him feel younger, but the problem was that he always me feel older. You will live and assimilate to his age. The same way that he feels younger with you, you will feel older with him. You don't want that, enjoy being 40s, don't fast forward when you don't have to.