Transitioning from WFH to “big” in person role - please give me your tips!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so weird that people are all negative about this -- she is stepping up in her career and people are just shooting her down because...?

There’s a difference between being negative and being realistic, and I think you’re seeing more of the latter. If it turns out to be a piece of cake for OP, that’s great, but better to be mentally prepared for a rough adjustment period. Three little kids, including a baby, is hard for almost anyone, mom or dad. Throw in a huge lifestyle change, and it’s probably going to be hairy for a bit.

[Anonymous]

Why are so many people posting with no advice and making rude comments? Pass along if you have nothing to add.

I would write down a schedule with the routine for each kid and who’s doing what for them. Then create another list with doctors appointments, emergencies etc. and who’s on call in case you or husband can’t. Outsource as much as you can until kids get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many people posting with no advice and making rude comments? Pass along if you have nothing to add.

I would write down a schedule with the routine for each kid and who’s doing what for them. Then create another list with doctors appointments, emergencies etc. and who’s on call in case you or husband can’t. Outsource as much as you can until kids get older.

People are giving her advice, they recommended a nanny and a housekeeper.

[Anonymous]

First, Congrats OP. I’m not sure the DC nasties have said that in the above posts. Great job landing a great job.
Here’s what I would do - this week: arrange your days like you’re at the full time job in person. So, no laundry swap in the middle of the day, no dinner started before 5:30, no lunch time errand run, no mid day walk. Start living the life that you will have…. Over the next two weeks, you will quickly realize if any of these things need to happen
- outsourcing more stuff - nanny, housekeeper, etc.
- better meal planning on the weekends
- a conversation with DH about job role responsibilities
- an earlier wake up to work out or exercise
- a later bed time
- better wardrobe planning at the start of the week
- the better dry cleaning/laundry schedule

Good luck! You got this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, Congrats OP. I’m not sure the DC nasties have said that in the above posts. Great job landing a great job.
Here’s what I would do - this week: arrange your days like you’re at the full time job in person. So, no laundry swap in the middle of the day, no dinner started before 5:30, no lunch time errand run, no mid day walk. Start living the life that you will have…. Over the next two weeks, you will quickly realize if any of these things need to happen
- outsourcing more stuff - nanny, housekeeper, etc.
- better meal planning on the weekends
- a conversation with DH about job role responsibilities
- an earlier wake up to work out or exercise
- a later bed time
- better wardrobe planning at the start of the week
- the better dry cleaning/laundry schedule

Good luck! You got this!

This is an excellent idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird that OP is getting so much heat for this. One parent is at home and flexible while the other is in the office making big bucks. This isn't that hard. Worked for my house with three kids. You just figure it out as you go and make sure that both jobs know you'll occasionally need to handle home issues.

FWIW, we haven't outsourced anything other than yardwork. Cleaners would be good and maybe laundry service, but we haven't really felt the need yet.

This is literally not possible unless the “flexible” parent barely works, or you and your kids have 0 social lives and barely go out on weekends, or you’re lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a similar transition.

Plan as if you will not be home for the first few weeks until you understand your schedule and expectations.

Once you feel comfortable, develop a schedule for things in your personal life that you think you can sustainably commit to. For instance—there are two nights a week I leave at five and cannot be reached for a few hours to go to the gym and take care of personal errands. I also work from home two mornings a week to be there to send my kid off to school, because otherwise I would not see them (given late night before). I buy microwave lunches and take those to work, and breakfast is something I can grab on the way out like yogurt and granola bars. My spouse cooks most dinners now. I cook on the weekends and we have leftovers for some nights. Grocery delivery is your friend. Housekeeping is a must. Carpool for sports and pick your night and stick to it.

Be rigid about your boundaries once you feel like you have reasonable ones.

How old are your kids? Why did you make the leap? Are you the breadwinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that OP is getting so much heat for this. One parent is at home and flexible while the other is in the office making big bucks. This isn't that hard. Worked for my house with three kids. You just figure it out as you go and make sure that both jobs know you'll occasionally need to handle home issues.

FWIW, we haven't outsourced anything other than yardwork. Cleaners would be good and maybe laundry service, but we haven't really felt the need yet.

This is literally not possible unless the “flexible” parent barely works, or you and your kids have 0 social lives and barely go out on weekends, or you’re lying.

+10000

[Anonymous]

My kids are similar ages and we both have demanding corporate jobs (HHI ~ $700K; $300K me/$400K him, both mid-30s). I am WFH w/5-10% travel and he is WOH w/5-10% travel.

Would highly recommend:
-nanny (ours is 45 hrs/week - bare minimum)
-creating weekly meal plan and getting Whole Foods pick up or similar after school drop off
-we have prepared soup and rotisserie chicken in the dinner meal plan - don’t be afraid to use stuff like this
-every other week cleaning
-outsource yard work
-Drycleaner’s that pick up/drop off

Other things we do:
-we don’t drink outside of occasions like weddings or events (it is easy to lean on alcohol in any situation and stressful jobs and little kids make drinking a glass or two of wine at night very appealing, but it’s not good for your body and stops you from being present with your family)
-no TV Sunday-Thursday for us and only an hour on Friday and Saturday; kids only watch TV Saturday and Sunday - again, easy to lean on screen time as a crutch like alcohol to facilitate relaxing, but better to just go to bed. Also, east for default parent to use TV to mind children while making dinner or cleaning up but not good for kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so weird that people are all negative about this -- she is stepping up in her career and people are just shooting her down because...?

Because the post is a little off. She has multiple kids, using daycare and no cleaners but a FT WFH job?

It’s like posting you’re going to the Olympics and need help figuring out how to workout in the morning.

Even if you WFH, if you have 3 kids you’re scrambling with daycare and no house cleaners.

[Anonymous]

This thread seems so over the top. So every family with two parents working outside the home has to hire cleaners (plural), nannies, and chefs to function?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread seems so over the top. So every family with two parents working outside the home has to hire cleaners (plural), nannies, and chefs to function?

This is OP and I have to agree. Seems a bit ridiculous, especially considering that I worked out of the home when my older two kids were toddler age.

Anyway, my DH is very senior and 100% remote and has the flexibility to do all drop offs, pick ups, and doctors visits etc. He will be the default for that.

I’m very organized and the household runs smoothly in general. I’m just looking ahead to having to bake more time into the daily schedule for my own getting ready and commuting, which hasn’t been a part of the equation for a few years.

DH and I will be more vigilant about meal planning. I will also be hiring biweekly cleaners.

So funny how this thread triggered some crazies on this forum. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a similar transition.

Plan as if you will not be home for the first few weeks until you understand your schedule and expectations.

Once you feel comfortable, develop a schedule for things in your personal life that you think you can sustainably commit to. For instance—there are two nights a week I leave at five and cannot be reached for a few hours to go to the gym and take care of personal errands. I also work from home two mornings a week to be there to send my kid off to school, because otherwise I would not see them (given late night before). I buy microwave lunches and take those to work, and breakfast is something I can grab on the way out like yogurt and granola bars. My spouse cooks most dinners now. I cook on the weekends and we have leftovers for some nights. Grocery delivery is your friend. Housekeeping is a must. Carpool for sports and pick your night and stick to it.

Be rigid about your boundaries once you feel like you have reasonable ones.

How old are your kids? Why did you make the leap? Are you the breadwinner?

My older two are upper elementary and a one-year-old. It’s always been my family’s plan that I would work to develop my career at this time: I earned an advanced degree a few years ago and performed a career pivot - this job opportunity aligns with that plan.

My husband still makes a lot more than I do, even with this new job. My plan is to start making more in 5-7 years (I’m still mid-thirties).

Thanks everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread seems so over the top. So every family with two parents working outside the home has to hire cleaners (plural), nannies, and chefs to function?

Not plural cleaners, nannies and chefs. Stop exaggerating about PP.

But cleaners? Yes. Unless you all went to clean together as a family over the weekend instead of catching up on other stuff, attending birthday parties etc. I suppose you could also try having very low standards and getting little sleep.

[Anonymous]

AGREE. We have two "big" jobs and this is totally do-able. Husband is a partner at a law firm and I am an exec at a non-profit.

We are busy but make it work and have plenty of time for family. Weekly cleaners are a must as is a solid childcare arrangement. For us that is before/aftercare for our elementary schooler and (gasp!) daycare for our one year old. On sick days, snow days, random days off school, we look at our meeting schedule and tag team, work during nap, work after bed. If your husband is able to handle all of those days, great!

We also do meal kit delivery for two nights a week, have a rotating list of quick dinners, as well as takeout and going out to dinner.

Lawn company. Occasional Instacart for grocery delivery. Amazon Prime everything lol. Use a dry cleaner right next to daycare so easy to drop loads there when needed. We have a joint Google Keep list for mental load tasks like sports signups for our son, buying gifts for bday parties, calling the HVAC guy, a place with a running grocery list. In theory we could both put things on there but in reality it is basically just me, but we can both do tasks off of it.

Sure, it is busy, but definitely not that bad. Are the other posters all in the DC area? I am sure it varies place to place and maybe generationally, but all of my and DH's coworkers with similar "big" jobs are also juggling the little kid rodeo or recently were and get it. I can't think of any of my exec team colleagues that have a stay at home spouse.

You can do this! Congrats on the new job.