Transitioning from WFH to “big” in person role - please give me your tips!

[Anonymous]

Would a man ask any of these questions?

[Anonymous]

First, congrats! This sounds exciting. I might get a house cleaner in once per week. Batch cook at least 2 dinners on the weekend and make lunches the night before. You should be able to eat for about 4 days off of the batch cooking. Then can figure out Friday - Sunday as you go. Also schedule in one evening every two weeks for “you” time whether that is a job (work happy hour), professional (chunk reading without distraction) or just a personal (spa/dinner with a friend) thing. Lastly, commit to having NO mom guilt and live in the moment, appreciating and really living this opportunity. I think you are getting snarky responses from women who have traded off the big career for mommy tracking, which is fine. (I have as well because my husband is very disorganized and a workaholic). But I dream of leaning all the way in just once so am glad you get to.

And again, congrats! Sounds like a great opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Whhhhhhy are you doing this, OP?

[Anonymous]

I have two older kids and am in a similar role though am able to work from home often. One of my colleagues has two under three. Honestly, I’m not sure how she manages. The thing that makes it workable for me is a husband with a very flexible job who cooks, cleans, takes the lead on family logistics, and generally goes out of his way to make things easy for me. I’d seriously consider a nanny if you can swing it. I get by bc my kids are of an age that they’re pretty self sufficient and we’ve figured out a lot of carpools. I feel like I’m a constant stress case now because of work and I’ve needed to be intentional about eliminating other stressors so that I can actually enjoy the time I have with my kids and have energy left emotionally. A nanny could help with that.

[Anonymous]

Fwiw, some DHs do step up. Mine did, even though he still makes a lot more than me. They want their children to be well taken care of and their wives to be happy.

[Anonymous]

^ TBH though, we only have two kids. I think it is insane to have a two parent working household with three kids, unless there is a FT nanny or super involved grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw, some DHs do step up. Mine did, even though he still makes a lot more than me. They want their children to be well taken care of and their wives to be happy.

That is wonderful for you! It does happen of course, but is still unfortunately not the norm. OP, I’m really hoping your husband does step up, and definitely have many convos about this. But I think you’re also smart to follow some of the wise advice re: getting more help. Enjoy this exciting new phase of your work life and do everything you need to do/plan to enjoy your home life as well!

[Anonymous]

Weird that OP is getting so much heat for this. One parent is at home and flexible while the other is in the office making big bucks. This isn't that hard. Worked for my house with three kids. You just figure it out as you go and make sure that both jobs know you'll occasionally need to handle home issues.

FWIW, we haven't outsourced anything other than yardwork. Cleaners would be good and maybe laundry service, but we haven't really felt the need yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only way I would make a transition like that would be if I could afford full time support. Many families I know have a housekeeper/nanny who works full time and manages childcare, pick ups, driving kids around, house cleaning, laundry, and some meal prep.

This. We have two kids in elementary and FT nanny. This is more or less what she does, except house cleaning (beyond day-to-day tidying up). We have cleaners. Nanny plans, shops, and cooks our weekday meals. She also does random errands (e.g. drop/pick up dry cleaning).

In the end, it depends what you want. I have a "big" job, but it's mostly WAH + 20% travel. DH also has "big" job, and it's mostly WOH + 20% travel. It's tough, and we both have to be really clear on what our priorities are WRT family life. I enjoy cooking, but I went from planning and having nanny shop and prep to having nanny cook because the time I spent cooking in the evening was time away from my kids. WAH makes my long hours easier, because I can still step out to wake my kids up in the morning and put them to bed. I manage to work out almost everyday, because nanny takes kids to their activities. House is also messier than I would prefer most of the time, but these are the tradeoffs.

I enjoy my job, and DH does his. We have a lot of fun as a family on the weekends, and my kids are kind and responsible. In the end, that's what matters to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than a DH with a crazy big job and a DW with a flexible work from home job?

That is my life and I have 3 young kids. I do all drop offs, pick ups and doctor appointments. I have bi weekly cleaners and I have meals from Mighty meals delivered every week for DH and I for dinner. I make the kids very simple dinners (they are young) and then DH eats whenever he is free. We do family dinners during the weekends.

We have lawn maintenance who does all our cuttings, leaf pick up, weeding, lawn care. We have a handy man who I can call and come do stuff around the house as needed.

We make it work but throw money at the problems as they arise. I make $140,000 and DH makes $500,000.

It's not. This thread is the definition of gender inequality. Plenty of husbands with bog jobs, with wives working full time as well, and wife picking up all the slack. Women do this ALL THE TIME. Her spouse can pick up some slack.

yes, he can. But if one person has a demanding job and the other works FT, it's pretty rare to outsource nothing at all. OP needs cleaners and other help as well.

[Anonymous]

Congrats, OP! I'm sorry you're getting so much negativity here. You can totally do this if you plan well.

You and DH will have to make use of weekends. I used to take one Sunday afternoon a month to prep a bunch of meals and put them in the freezer. We ate those 2-3 days a week. Filled in the remaining days with simple pasta dishes, stir fry, tacos.

Every Sunday evening, write out the weekly schedule someplace prominent. We used a magnetic dry-erase board on the fridge. Even though we had a shared family calendar online, it was really helpful to have it posted somewhere visible. Days you'll need to work late, appointments for the kids, everything out of the ordinary. Talk to your DH to make sure everyone is in agreement about who is handling what.

And don't forget to make time for you and DH. We had kind of a silly tradition - we'd spend all of Saturday running laundry, then after the kids were in bed, we'd pull out a bottle of wine, turn on a movie, and fold laundry together. It made a chore a little more tolerable, and gave us a chance to relax and catch up with each other.

Yes to a cleaning service.

[Anonymous]

No amount of money would make me switch to a job like that. I wfh at a low stress job, make enough to be comfortable and allows me the flexibility to be with my family. No way would I take that job.

[Anonymous]

OP never asked WHETHER she should take the job. She asked for tips on how to best keep her household running WHEN she takes this job. I love all the crabby women chiming in though. Dont be mad because she has a supportive husband and you don’t.

[Anonymous]

The first mistake OP made was not asking dcum if she should take the job…the second mistake was taking a chief of staff job with little kids without knowing or being aware of what that job entails (you don’t realize what you’re signing up for OP and if you think CEO is waiting for you to finish a doc appointment for little Timmy…then you haven’t worked in a real role recently).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP never asked WHETHER she should take the job. She asked for tips on how to best keep her household running WHEN she takes this job. I love all the crabby women chiming in though. Dont be mad because she has a supportive husband and you don’t.

The supportive husband also works FT! And they have 3 young kids! And she’s going to be a chief of staff (essentially being the mom to the CEO; that means 7 days a week)! The husband needs to become a SAHP or they hire a nanny.