Transitioning from WFH to “big” in person role - please give me your tips!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only way I would make a transition like that would be if I could afford full time support. Many families I know have a housekeeper/nanny who works full time and manages childcare, pick ups, driving kids around, house cleaning, laundry, and some meal prep.

+1. I would insist on all meal prep.
DH will be there to help in emergencies and on sick/snow days. You really need to hire a full time SAHM or you will have a nervous breakdown.

If you’re really on call nights and weekends too, I would also get a weekend sitter so that you and DH can exercise and get errands done.

[Anonymous]

You’re losing all your childcare flexibility by switching to this role. I’d get a nanny and cleaning service to get that. Your husband hasn’t been handling everything alone.

[Anonymous]

I just transitioned out of a 100% in-person required role, with a very demanding boss and frequent weekend work. There was no time for doing anything extra at home. I tried to make up for things on the weekend and was so burned out. My partner had a much more flexible arrangement but could not stay on top of everything. We both would get extremely frustrated.

My suggestions: cleaners (once a week); nanny for pick-ups/extracurriculars; housekeeper (groceries, making dinner, etc). Ideally, you’d only 1-2 people could fill those roles (maybe nanny cleans and shops during the day). Basically, you need to pay people to keep everything running at home.

[Anonymous]

This is OP: wow at these responses! I have no clue why people think I’m trolling - I’m just looking for some advice. It’s not like I’m going from SAHM to working in an office. I’ve always worked full-time.

I think we will definitely need to get cleaners. We are lucky in that everything is within ten minutes of our house: kid’s school (elementary), baby’s daycare, and my new job. We only have one car but I am hopeful to keep it that way.

I am the default cook, which is okay, but I am asking DH to come up with more meal ideas (this is what bogs me down, not the cooking itself). We already have a lively morning routine so I will plan to have my lunch/bags packed, clothes laid out the night before etc. as we already do for the kids.

Thanks for the useful responses.

[Anonymous]

One of the other preschool moms has a big job and a WFH spouse. She has a long-time nanny/housekeeper who does school drop offs and pickups for the older kids, and brings the youngest one to preschool. She definitely works more than 40 hours a week and must be well-compensated as she’s been with the family for over 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only way I would make a transition like that would be if I could afford full time support. Many families I know have a housekeeper/nanny who works full time and manages childcare, pick ups, driving kids around, house cleaning, laundry, and some meal prep.

+1

Fulltime nanny or at least 2-7pm one

Housekeeper 4 hours a day * 2-3 days. Make a list of what to rotate doing each hour: tidy, vaccine, clean, meal prep or cook 1-3 meals, laundry days, errand days, drive kids as needed if nanny is also driving

Set up lots of carpool buddies

[Anonymous]

My advice is to kill it outside normal work hours in terms of responsiveness and availability esp at first (maybe have more safeguards and backups for family needs in place to start). Start noting then what type of patterns the CEO has, and what times of day you have the most freedom and what things they care most about being addressed immediately etc. I'm in same position (reversed) and my COS knows the things I care about (e.g., making sure that the car is there to pick me up in Europe, assisting with travel disruptions when weather hits, moving a key meeting or getting a contract out late at night when client demands) and she is always around and assisting for those 1000%. Conversely, she knows that for many things, she can handle them when she gets to it. (And that I rarely call or text between 3-4 when I am in town as I am picking up DC from school etc). Once you have a sense of your CEO and her trust, you can better calibrate your work and patterns and balance things so that home gets priority as well. Good luck! Sounds like a great opportunity.

[Anonymous]

How is this any different than a DH with a crazy big job and a DW with a flexible work from home job?

That is my life and I have 3 young kids. I do all drop offs, pick ups and doctor appointments. I have bi weekly cleaners and I have meals from Mighty meals delivered every week for DH and I for dinner. I make the kids very simple dinners (they are young) and then DH eats whenever he is free. We do family dinners during the weekends.

We have lawn maintenance who does all our cuttings, leaf pick up, weeding, lawn care. We have a handy man who I can call and come do stuff around the house as needed.

We make it work but throw money at the problems as they arise. I make $140,000 and DH makes $500,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than a DH with a crazy big job and a DW with a flexible work from home job?

That is my life and I have 3 young kids. I do all drop offs, pick ups and doctor appointments. I have bi weekly cleaners and I have meals from Mighty meals delivered every week for DH and I for dinner. I make the kids very simple dinners (they are young) and then DH eats whenever he is free. We do family dinners during the weekends.

We have lawn maintenance who does all our cuttings, leaf pick up, weeding, lawn care. We have a handy man who I can call and come do stuff around the house as needed.

We make it work but throw money at the problems as they arise. I make $140,000 and DH makes $500,000.

It's not. This thread is the definition of gender inequality. Plenty of husbands with bog jobs, with wives working full time as well, and wife picking up all the slack. Women do this ALL THE TIME. Her spouse can pick up some slack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than a DH with a crazy big job and a DW with a flexible work from home job?

That is my life and I have 3 young kids. I do all drop offs, pick ups and doctor appointments. I have bi weekly cleaners and I have meals from Mighty meals delivered every week for DH and I for dinner. I make the kids very simple dinners (they are young) and then DH eats whenever he is free. We do family dinners during the weekends.

We have lawn maintenance who does all our cuttings, leaf pick up, weeding, lawn care. We have a handy man who I can call and come do stuff around the house as needed.

We make it work but throw money at the problems as they arise. I make $140,000 and DH makes $500,000.

It's not. This thread is the definition of gender inequality. Plenty of husbands with bog jobs, with wives working full time as well, and wife picking up all the slack. Women do this ALL THE TIME. Her spouse can pick up some slack.

But — speaking from experience— they usually DO NOT pick up the slack! And she will be drowning if she doesn’t plan now. She should absolutely raise this issue but to assume that he will step up in the major way that most women step up is unfortunately, a very risky gamble. For those of you who have not had that experience, that’s wonderful for you and I genuinely mean that.
OP, given how much your job is going to demand from you, you absolutely need help at least part time. It’s the difference between everything feeling like a slog vs. enjoying your life and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than a DH with a crazy big job and a DW with a flexible work from home job?

That is my life and I have 3 young kids. I do all drop offs, pick ups and doctor appointments. I have bi weekly cleaners and I have meals from Mighty meals delivered every week for DH and I for dinner. I make the kids very simple dinners (they are young) and then DH eats whenever he is free. We do family dinners during the weekends.

We have lawn maintenance who does all our cuttings, leaf pick up, weeding, lawn care. We have a handy man who I can call and come do stuff around the house as needed.

We make it work but throw money at the problems as they arise. I make $140,000 and DH makes $500,000.

It's not. This thread is the definition of gender inequality. Plenty of husbands with bog jobs, with wives working full time as well, and wife picking up all the slack. Women do this ALL THE TIME. Her spouse can pick up some slack.

But — speaking from experience— they usually DO NOT pick up the slack! And she will be drowning if she doesn’t plan now. She should absolutely raise this issue but to assume that he will step up in the major way that most women step up is unfortunately, a very risky gamble. For those of you who have not had that experience, that’s wonderful for you and I genuinely mean that.
OP, given how much your job is going to demand from you, you absolutely need help at least part time. It’s the difference between everything feeling like a slog vs. enjoying your life and kids.

+1

Can you imagine a husband on here asking or even thinking "How do I start meal planning/prepping more? Tips for morning or evening routine? Is this the time to hire cleaners?"

I asked how much more she's making with this role, because it has to be worth it including hiring full time help and cleaning and meal services, etc.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like an awful move, OP. And it would be if OP were male. The young kids is no joke. Everyone I know with a “big job” and multiple kids has a stay at home spouse or a FT nanny.

[Anonymous]

Pp here - I will add the hardest thing will be the fact that op is used to both parents helping with the kids and now they will have to go from that to one parent being the default parent.

I am the Pp who does it all with a DH with a big job. But that is always how it’s been. We have no other frame of reference.

[Anonymous]

Well damn. This is OP. This thread is extremely discouraging.

I’ll figure it out. Enjoy the weekend DCUM!

[Anonymous]

After school help would be important whether that be nanny or kids' activities. Be okay with getting frequent take outs or have someone come in a do meal preps. I make a lot during weekends but i still have to rely on take out.

Automate bills.

Buy the fanciest vaccuum.

Shop for supplies, gift cards for gift giving, clothes, shoes ahead of time. Be ok with just giving away what you dont use.

Be ok with buying more food than you can eat from the grocery. I feel bad throwing away produce and milk but it is what it is.

Capsule wardrobe for everyone in the family. You may have to let go of sock matching.

Build in me time during your workday, whether it be in the bathroom or a walkable coffee shop.