Transitioning from WFH to “big” in person role - please give me your tips!

[Anonymous]

This thread seems so over the top. So every family with two parents working outside the home has to hire cleaners (plural), nannies, and chefs to function?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread seems so over the top. So every family with two parents working outside the home has to hire cleaners (plural), nannies, and chefs to function?

This is OP and I have to agree. Seems a bit ridiculous, especially considering that I worked out of the home when my older two kids were toddler age.

Anyway, my DH is very senior and 100% remote and has the flexibility to do all drop offs, pick ups, and doctors visits etc. He will be the default for that.

I’m very organized and the household runs smoothly in general. I’m just looking ahead to having to bake more time into the daily schedule for my own getting ready and commuting, which hasn’t been a part of the equation for a few years.

DH and I will be more vigilant about meal planning. I will also be hiring biweekly cleaners.

So funny how this thread triggered some crazies on this forum. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a similar transition.

Plan as if you will not be home for the first few weeks until you understand your schedule and expectations.

Once you feel comfortable, develop a schedule for things in your personal life that you think you can sustainably commit to. For instance—there are two nights a week I leave at five and cannot be reached for a few hours to go to the gym and take care of personal errands. I also work from home two mornings a week to be there to send my kid off to school, because otherwise I would not see them (given late night before). I buy microwave lunches and take those to work, and breakfast is something I can grab on the way out like yogurt and granola bars. My spouse cooks most dinners now. I cook on the weekends and we have leftovers for some nights. Grocery delivery is your friend. Housekeeping is a must. Carpool for sports and pick your night and stick to it.

Be rigid about your boundaries once you feel like you have reasonable ones.

How old are your kids? Why did you make the leap? Are you the breadwinner?

My older two are upper elementary and a one-year-old. It’s always been my family’s plan that I would work to develop my career at this time: I earned an advanced degree a few years ago and performed a career pivot - this job opportunity aligns with that plan.

My husband still makes a lot more than I do, even with this new job. My plan is to start making more in 5-7 years (I’m still mid-thirties).

Thanks everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread seems so over the top. So every family with two parents working outside the home has to hire cleaners (plural), nannies, and chefs to function?

Not plural cleaners, nannies and chefs. Stop exaggerating about PP.

But cleaners? Yes. Unless you all went to clean together as a family over the weekend instead of catching up on other stuff, attending birthday parties etc. I suppose you could also try having very low standards and getting little sleep.

[Anonymous]

AGREE. We have two "big" jobs and this is totally do-able. Husband is a partner at a law firm and I am an exec at a non-profit.

We are busy but make it work and have plenty of time for family. Weekly cleaners are a must as is a solid childcare arrangement. For us that is before/aftercare for our elementary schooler and (gasp!) daycare for our one year old. On sick days, snow days, random days off school, we look at our meeting schedule and tag team, work during nap, work after bed. If your husband is able to handle all of those days, great!

We also do meal kit delivery for two nights a week, have a rotating list of quick dinners, as well as takeout and going out to dinner.

Lawn company. Occasional Instacart for grocery delivery. Amazon Prime everything lol. Use a dry cleaner right next to daycare so easy to drop loads there when needed. We have a joint Google Keep list for mental load tasks like sports signups for our son, buying gifts for bday parties, calling the HVAC guy, a place with a running grocery list. In theory we could both put things on there but in reality it is basically just me, but we can both do tasks off of it.

Sure, it is busy, but definitely not that bad. Are the other posters all in the DC area? I am sure it varies place to place and maybe generationally, but all of my and DH's coworkers with similar "big" jobs are also juggling the little kid rodeo or recently were and get it. I can't think of any of my exec team colleagues that have a stay at home spouse.

You can do this! Congrats on the new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread seems so over the top. So every family with two parents working outside the home has to hire cleaners (plural), nannies, and chefs to function?

This is OP and I have to agree. Seems a bit ridiculous, especially considering that I worked out of the home when my older two kids were toddler age.

Anyway, my DH is very senior and 100% remote and has the flexibility to do all drop offs, pick ups, and doctors visits etc. He will be the default for that.

I’m very organized and the household runs smoothly in general. I’m just looking ahead to having to bake more time into the daily schedule for my own getting ready and commuting, which hasn’t been a part of the equation for a few years.

DH and I will be more vigilant about meal planning. I will also be hiring biweekly cleaners.

So funny how this thread triggered some crazies on this forum. Lol.

I completely agree. I was really shocked to get several pages in and people were still criticizing OP. I could see the criticism if OP's spouse had a "big job" too, but he doesn't, so everyone's sexism is really showing.

OP, I am going to assume that you're being very well-compensated for this extra time. The one thing I will warn you about is that the people I know who left demanding jobs for flexible ones without a corresponding pay bump were very, very, unhappy. I know one couple that nearly divorced over this, and only didn't because the big job had an obvious end date (think political appointee a year before the next election). But assuming that you are getting compensated appropriately, this is do-able. Husband takes over drop-offs, pickups, sick days. Save your limited capital to take time off not for routine kids doctors' appointments but for 1) kid events that you really care about and 2) days when your spouse AND kids are sick and he really needs the backup. Husband "does meals," but tell him he can leverage meal kits, delivery services, grocery delivery, etc.; it's just his responsibility to do it. You probably don't need a nanny but might want one for the baby if you can afford it; it would make your husband's life a lot easier.

Men do this ALL THE TIME and women pick up the slack. You can do it too and your husband can pick up the slack.

[Anonymous]

I think the hardest thing will be the adjustment - especially after you’ve been used to being at home.

I’d consider a nanny/housekeeper. That way DH won’t resent doing it all and you won’t have any guilt.

I did this for about 9 years before the pandemic — had three kids during that time. DH was the default parent for all the things. He was amazing, but it was exhausting. I was sad I was missing out on mundane things and exhausted all the time trying to do it all. The pandemic really made me see that. I still have a big job, it’s just more flexible as it is fully remote.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Get a live in housekeeper, nanny or au pair. That’s what we did.

[Anonymous]

Was a previous poster and here are some more tips I thought of!

If you already aren’t familiar, get comfortable with the voice to text feature on your phone! Can’t tell you how many emails and texts I respond to (safely!) while commuting or at a sports practice for my kids.

Task Rabbit! Batch up your random tasks and hire a task rabbit for a few hours. I had a friend that hired a task rabbit to inventory, organize, and change all their lightbulbs. Kind of random but it saved her and her husband a bunch of busy work time. Task Rabbit can be used on those crazy weeks to do batch cooking, break down boxes for recycling, get an oil change, whatever! And in my experience much easier to hire a tasked temporarily than a permanent person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than a DH with a crazy big job and a DW with a flexible work from home job?

That is my life and I have 3 young kids. I do all drop offs, pick ups and doctor appointments. I have bi weekly cleaners and I have meals from Mighty meals delivered every week for DH and I for dinner. I make the kids very simple dinners (they are young) and then DH eats whenever he is free. We do family dinners during the weekends.

We have lawn maintenance who does all our cuttings, leaf pick up, weeding, lawn care. We have a handy man who I can call and come do stuff around the house as needed.

We make it work but throw money at the problems as they arise. I make $140,000 and DH makes $500,000.

Most men do not want to do what you do. That problem is exacerbated by the fact that OP and her DH are already far enough into parenting that she has elementary kids. Would your DH switch jobs with you?

[Anonymous]

I’m glad the last few pages have gotten some supportive posts and some actual advice! First part of this thread was bonkers.

OP I am not really in your situation given that I have two kids, they’re older, and I work from home mostly but I will say my biggest point of stress in raising kids has been things like meal prep and just making sure the family has healthy meals. I just feel like that’s at the root of so much of our day to day functioning: if you’re not eating healthy, everything just falls apart.

If you feel that way too, then I would just work with DH now on how you can ensure that happens. Maybe it means you cooking some on weekends to prep ahead for the week and maybe he takes responsibility for a couple days during the week. Then relying on leftovers and things like healthier takeout or even like smoothie and breakfast night to flex out the rest.

Doesn’t have to be gourmet to hard to prep meals. There are a ton of healthy meal options that can be quick, but organizing those and getting him on board with that at least for me would undo a lot of the stress.

Given you are taking a big job, I’m sure you can afford to outsource some things like others have mentioned. we love outsourcing lawn stuff and house cleaners. It just helps us feel like we’re keeping up on everything. We also do grocery delivery sometimes which is really nice.

Otherwise, I feel like if the house is cluttered, or if laundry is in piles… I can still function and we’ll be OK, but having those sort of big things like healthy meals, basic house cleaning, and lawn care off the list is huge.