My husband is selfish

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to do anymore. My husband is a good man and i know he loves me but its all about him all the time and I'm at the end of my ropes. I have been with him for 9 years, married for almost 2 and he has pretty much always been selfish but because I'm an easy going person it didn't bother me as much as it does now. Eventually you get tired of never being a priority.We eat where he wants to eat, we vacation where he wants to vacation (although we vacation a lot, which is great... It's always on his terms). I have a good life compared to a lot of people but I went from making 70k a year to making half of that.... Before when he would say no, I would go out and buy whatever I wanted on my own. We bought a fixer upper a year ago and just moved in a month ago, it was nothing short of a nightmare. I have spent sleepless nights on the computer pricing out anything from windows to furniture to tiles. Everytime I would find something he would pick it apart do if have to find something else. This is still going on because we are still not done. Tonight I found a bedroom set but I could never just find something and have him give me the card and I could buy it, I have to show him, he has to approve it which is only after a week of looking till 3am and then I'm half out of my mind. Needless to say we got into a fight. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't have access to his credit cards, we don't have joint bank accounts and he wants me to have children. Frankly I'm scared to death because I can't imagine living my life at home with a child begging my husband for 5 bucks song can buy a coffee. In the meantime I spend my days trying to figure out what I can do to better my life as a soul entity because we aren't a team and anytime I even come to him with an idea he blows me off and it's like talking to a wall. I'm a realtor but it varies so often it's hard to have a steady income. Not to mention my husband only wants to hang out in groups, he never wants to go on a date night with him and I alone. The only way I get my own way on a Saturday is if I call and say it was our friends idea. I have tried to have numerous conversations with him about this but he's vacant, he doesn't care and i really don't think I could live like this anymore but I love him I just want more than that. I want a partner, a teammate, someone that cares to make me happy and even if it's not what he wants to do he does it anyways because it makes me smile. I'm literally lost, I'm 29 years old, I have a shaky career, a spouse that's cares about no one but himself, I don't know what else to do accept come on this blog and ask for advice

[Anonymous]

29 is soooooo young! And you don't have kids!

Sounds like you should divorce him. And you will be fine, really. You have plenty of time to find someone else if you want to remarry and have kids.

And lots of 29 year olds are kinda broke and still building their careers.

[Anonymous]

I think you should divorce him. This will only get worse over time, and you have a lot of years left to go

I am 27 and we are both so young- plenty of time to find a good guy, who will respect you.

[Anonymous]

Please get out now before you have any kids. You are still young. Find someone who treats you better.

[Anonymous]

Please get out before it is too late. There are lots of good men out there who are mature, not selfish and are capable of having a equal and respectful relationship. If not for you; get out for your future children. You are soo young, you have plenty of time to start over. Also being a realtor is like every other career, that if you work hard you can earn a fantastic living. I wish you best of luck.

[Anonymous]

GET OUT NOW. DO NOT HAVE KIDS. Don't be in the position I am, which is where this is going. It will only get worse. My husband has complete control over our finances now - it was an ongoing process that just got worse and worse. I have no access to money at all. He takes my paycheck. I'm not allowed to purchase anything exce pt gas for my car. I have to make requests, and if he approves, he will purchase for me. It's a form of abuse, and other forms of abuse will likely follow for you in the future. Please please don't let yourself get into my position. I have 2 small children and am pretty trapped but trying to plan on how to get out.

OP, please take my warning to heart. Your situation will only get worse. You are still young, get out now while you still have a chance of rebuilding your life and finding a partner who you deserve.

[Anonymous]

Do not gave kids!!!!!!! He is not only selfish, but controlling, which is way worse. He will not want you to leave so you need to get support from friends family and a plan before you leave him or he will talk you out of it. Get out now; you're young and have a whole life ahead of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GET OUT NOW. DO NOT HAVE KIDS. Don't be in the position I am, which is where this is going. It will only get worse. My husband has complete control over our finances now - it was an ongoing process that just got worse and worse. I have no access to money at all. He takes my paycheck. I'm not allowed to purchase anything exce pt gas for my car. I have to make requests, and if he approves, he will purchase for me. It's a form of abuse, and other forms of abuse will likely follow for you in the future. Please please don't let yourself get into my position. I have 2 small children and am pretty trapped but trying to plan on how to get out.

OP, please take my warning to heart. Your situation will only get worse. You are still young, get out now while you still have a chance of rebuilding your life and finding a partner who you deserve.

OP and PP--you both need to get out. I'm sorry you're going through this. PP you can get out and keep your kids and be ok. If DH is taking care of all your expenses, a good divorce attorney will make sure he keeps doing so. You can do it. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

He has shown you who he is and you cannot live with that person. Run fast away from this situation and do not look back. You can make a clean cut now while you don't have kids to consider. There is time to meet someone else and make babies. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Make a plan and exit quickly.
At 29 you still have time to find a quality man and have a family. Don't waste precious years on a lost cause.

[Anonymous]

It will only get worse. He's controlling and isolating you. DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN with him and start proceeding with your divorce.

[Anonymous]

What happens when you say no to this? When you say -- Okay, you can go ahead and do that.

[Anonymous]

OP, the posts that seem to get the same response from EVERYONE are few and far between around here. That means something. Please get out, things will not get better or improve. If he sees you are serious about leaving and tells you he will change to get you to stay, things will not get better. You've known him for a long time and you've seen enough- divorce him and move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to do anymore. My husband is a good man and i know he loves me but its all about him all the time and I'm at the end of my ropes. I have been with him for 9 years, married for almost 2 and he has pretty much always been selfish but because I'm an easy going person it didn't bother me as much as it does now. Eventually you get tired of never being a priority.We eat where he wants to eat, we vacation where he wants to vacation (although we vacation a lot, which is great... It's always on his terms). I have a good life compared to a lot of people but I went from making 70k a year to making half of that.... Before when he would say no, I would go out and buy whatever I wanted on my own. We bought a fixer upper a year ago and just moved in a month ago, it was nothing short of a nightmare. I have spent sleepless nights on the computer pricing out anything from windows to furniture to tiles. Everytime I would find something he would pick it apart do if have to find something else. This is still going on because we are still not done. Tonight I found a bedroom set but I could never just find something and have him give me the card and I could buy it, I have to show him, he has to approve it which is only after a week of looking till 3am and then I'm half out of my mind. Needless to say we got into a fight. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't have access to his credit cards, we don't have joint bank accounts and he wants me to have children. Frankly I'm scared to death because I can't imagine living my life at home with a child begging my husband for 5 bucks song can buy a coffee. In the meantime I spend my days trying to figure out what I can do to better my life as a soul entity because we aren't a team and anytime I even come to him with an idea he blows me off and it's like talking to a wall. I'm a realtor but it varies so often it's hard to have a steady income. Not to mention my husband only wants to hang out in groups, he never wants to go on a date night with him and I alone. The only way I get my own way on a Saturday is if I call and say it was our friends idea. I have tried to have numerous conversations with him about this but he's vacant, he doesn't care and i really don't think I could live like this anymore but I love him I just want more than that. I want a partner, a teammate, someone that cares to make me happy and even if it's not what he wants to do he does it anyways because it makes me smile. I'm literally lost, I'm 29 years old, I have a shaky career, a spouse that's cares about no one but himself, I don't know what else to do accept come on this blog and ask for advice

I have bolded the reasons why you should not - I repeat SHOULD NOT - have children with this man. Every single thing you mentioned will get worse with children.

In fact, honestly, I think that you should leave him. You're young and it would be easy. You don't even have joint finances that you would have to separate. Did you pay into the house? If so, have a lawyer get that investment back for you. If not, honestly, just walk away.

You can build your career up and would probably have an easier time doing that if you were not staying up until 3am worrying about bedroom sets and getting your husband's permission to decorate your own house.

[Anonymous]

^^ Sorry, Op, but this is a no brainer. Get out.