Reply to 50/50 split of assets with SAHM

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Pp here. Husband’s workload and amount he contributes to the childcare and household duties matter greatly. Dh could not put his all in at work if he had to take the sick day hits, go to work late and leave early the way I used to when I worked. [b]DH never took a sick day in his working life for himself or for the kids. [/b]He doesn’t stay home if the school has a snow day or 2 hour delay. I took that burden every single time.

Would he have only earned 500k vs $2m if we split child duties? I could have continued to earn 200k to his 500k. When I worked, he may have taken a week off during Xmas and I would have taken a week. He likes having a stay at home wife. He never has to worry about the kids.[/quote]

The bolded is very sad to me. He cares so little. [/quote]

This is how I know you don’t have a net worth of $10 million, and neither do your parents or any of your friends.  
This is how these men are.

I always found the idea of a man cold bizarre.  I don’t know any men who lay around in bed if they are sick.  They still go to work.

[/quote]

On the contrary, my friend. On the contrary.

You are just making excuses for a man who doesn’t care about his kids. [/quote]

It’s not an excuse.  It’s just reality.  People’s priorities and personalities are consistent across all facets of their life.  It just is.  [/quote]

That’s why many successful men are also successful parents, coaching, and doing ever you do.[/quote]

Most truly successful parents - men or women are not raising their kids.  Either their spouse is or the hired help.  Lets be real.  Except a rare exception, the wife and or help does 100% of the work and they just are home for a few hours to sleep and change and if the kids are lucky see them an hour or two a day and maybe weekends.  They aren't cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to the doctor, lawn care, buying clothing, etc.[/quote]

Yes there are.

Yes they have someone clean their house but so do SAHM’s, you know only a small sliver of dads if you don’t know any that also are involved in their kids lives.

They do morning routine and are at all there games, coach, help with homework, do bedtime routine, pick up, handle car pools, etc.

They might work after the kids are in bed, but most dads are fully involved in their kids lives.

It’s sad that you think it’s normal for your H to be an absent father, who even wants that life?[/quote]

Lady, we all know a lot of dads who are involved in their kids lives.

The pp said that very successful people (which IS a small sliver of people) aren’t super involved in the day to day of their kids lives.   I don’t know why you are making this gendered, like that’s the important part.

[/quote]

I posted before that I’m a sahm and Dh earns a seven figure income. DH is a very involved father. When he is available, he helps drive the kids to sports, dance and scouts. He attends weekend sports games. He does the dishes. His job is demanding and he does not have much flexibility so we can’t rely on Dh to pick up Johnny from school on Monday and take Sally to ballet after school on Tuesday. Most days, I am juggling the 3 kids by myself. He usually picks up a kid on his way home from work but I can’t rely on that either.

Many parents think DH is involved and around. DH is good at pretty much everything including parenting. For the day to day, we can’t depend on him. I am the default parent whether I’m working or not. It is much more peaceful and manageable when I’m home. [/quote]

And, let's be real, you have a nanny, housekeeper and lawn service.  No one with that kind of job will be around much.[/quote]

Whatever.  When I was working 45 hours/wk making $300k, and my husband was a SAHP with three kids, we had a regular babysitter, housekeeper 4 days/wk, and a lawn service.

Whenever he got a job out of state and I was on my own with the kids, I  still had to hire a nanny in addition to the above.

[/quote]

We make that income and DIY everything with one parent staying home.  Why do you need a housekeeper 4 days a week?  How would you even afford that?[/quote]

I mean, it wasn’t Downton Abbey.  A semi-retired neighbor lady came over and did the laundry, made dinner, and cleaned up every day.  
I think I paid her like $70/day.  [/quote]

My friend did this. A woman came from 3:30-5, received kids off bus, gave them a snack, made dinner, moved laundry to dryer then folded.

She walked in at 5 with laundry done, house straightened and dinner ready

She paid $20/hr. [/quote]

If you work, of course, but not if you SAH.  I could not imagine paying someone to care for my kids when I'm home.  No one is working for $20 an hour to do that anymore.[/quote]

I posted that DH had this when I worked.  He fixed the kids breakfast every morning then had a meeting where they voted on what to do that day.  Then he took them to the zoo or playground or whatever and had a packed lunch there.  While he was gone, the housekeeper picked up, did laundry, made dinner and put it in the fridge.  
Three afternoons a week, he had a babysitter who put the younger kids down for a nap while he took the older child to preschool or a swim lesson.  DH used some of that time to socialize or do his hobbies or go to the doctor or spend 1:1 time with our oldest or whatever.

Babysitter left at 4pm.  DH played games with the kids and put dinner in the oven.  I got home at 5:30.  We ate dinner, talked, went for a walk, etc.

It was good.  There is no reason to make life completely insane.

[/quote]

So, what exactly do you do beyond earn the money to pay for it?  I think it's bizarre to outsource that much but each to their own. And, how messy are you that you need a daily housekeeper.[/quote]

I don’t know.  Had a nice home life.  Didn’t get divorced.

[/quote]

This sounds amazing. Good for you op. [/quote]

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