Sister "parenting" my kids
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Anonymous
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My sister and her DH live on the West Coast. They do not have children (by choice), but they are both teachers and have lots of experience around older kids (MS and HS age). We usually only see each other max 3-4 days per year.
My issue is with how my sister interacts with my kids. She doesn't really know them that well, but she jumps in to "correct" them ALL.THE.TIME. Sometimes, I am standing right there, and she will start correcting my kids (four of them, ages 1, 4, 6, and 9). "Nephew, no, no! Don't go over there!" or "Niece, stop! Wait for us to catch up!" or whatever. Although I appreciate it when an adult jumps in when I am not right there and it is a serious offense or a safety matter, she really doesn't know my parenting style and tends to react to things that I would normally let go. When I am there, I say something right away- "Thanks, I'll take over!" or "Oh, it's OK, they're allowed to do that." But I am not always right there. And to top it off, my 6 year old has Asperger's, which my sister does not know. Frankly, I don't really want to have that conversation with her because there is SO MUCH about parenting that she doesn't get- but assumes she does b/c she is a teacher- that I can't handle discussing it with her. Anyway, that means that his behavior frequently elicits comments from her (both to him and later to me, wanting to debrief about something my DS did / said). I know she means well, and she thinks she is being helpful. I've tried talking to her about trying to be the fun aunt and letting me be the parent, but it hasn't seemed to work. Any tips? FWIW, so far the kids don't really seem bothered by it. It just drives me nuts. Thanks! |
Anonymous
| You can tolerate her for 3-4 days a year. Can't you? Parenting also teaches us tolerance and patience. |
Anonymous
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Get over it, 3-4 days a year, you can do it.
Why not tell her your son has aspergers? |
Anonymous
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They don't live near you so you're fabricating this parental issue in your mind.
Get a hobby. |
Anonymous
| I have a friend who acts like this. I ignore it, though it definitely gets under my skin. I figure it's better for my kids to learn to respond to different adults/authority figures and I don't want to make a big deal out of it with her, and I occasionally pick up a useful tactic or correction from her. It's just her personality, she's kind of a busy-body. I might say something about the Asperger's though, she must have experience with that as a teacher, no? |
Anonymous
| She can probably tell your son has Aspergers and is worried if you are being a neglectful parent by not picking up on it. You either have the type of relationship where you can share things with your sister or you don't. If you don't then let some things roll off your back, especially since the kids aren't bothered. If you do then share, not just bits and pieces when you feel like it. |
Anonymous
| It's 3-4 days per year. Your kids don't seem bothered by it. Not sure I get the issue? Even if she had kids her parenting style might be different than yours so also not sure why you are harping on that point. Unless she is causing a problem for the kids, I'd let it go. |
Anonymous
| You have this complaint after just 3-4 days per year. I think there's got to be a back story. Are you insecure when it comes to comparing yourself to your sister? I don't think what you wrote even sounds that bad. My brother and I will correct/feed/help/cuddle each other's kids whenever something needs to get done. It's part of being a family. |
Anonymous
???? |
Anonymous
| My guess it's a habit that comes from being a teacher. She's used to correcting kids - it's part of her job. Either be direct with her that it's driving you batty, or let it go. |
Anonymous
| Frankly it seems like you are the one with the issues. |
Anonymous
| These don't sound like corrections to me, more like stay in our line of site and don't wander too far away. Is that truly considered overstepping now? |
Anonymous
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It's not fair to your son or your sister to not tell her that he has Asperger's. I'm surprised that you would withhold that information. But the fact that you're doing that suggests that the differences between you are quite stark.
I may be wrong about this but I'm guessing that your sister doesn't think you set sufficient limits with your kids. I say that because I had an old friend whose children ran all over her and her husband so I had to learn to limit the amount of time we spent with them when they visited the area. If your sister feels that way, she should do something similar. But since you know that you're unhappy with your sister's intervention, I suggest you structure your time with her accordingly so that you also limit the amount of time you spend with her. Stay at a hotel and meet for meals or events but give your family a bunch of time separate from your sister and her husband. That way you may be able to enjoy her company but reduce her interference with your parenting. That's how I learned to enjoy my old friend's visits. |
Anonymous
I have no idea why OP is so bothered by what her sister does. However, it would be kind of weird for my brother to call out to my kids to stay in line of sight or not wander away if I'm standing there. Presumably, I'm watching my kids so this would be superfluous. I wouldn't get so upset, though, just think it would be odd. |
Anonymous
+1 I'm betting your kids are a lot more annoying than you realize. |