Who's right? (especially if you / your spouse is a serious athlete)

[Anonymous]

DH is a serious runner, training for a marathon (his 13th? 14th? I've lost count) this fall. We have two young kids and he's generally very considerate about his running habit not taking family time - he runs before the kids get up on weekday mornings and does one long run per weekend, is usually home by 9am, and expects that I'll use the other weekend morning to do an extended workout (I'm into exercise too, though not to the extent he is).

I'm planning a quick weekend trip (Sat am - Sun pm) to MA to visit my brother's new baby next month. There's a flight that's much cheaper than the others - at least $150 depending on when I look - but it leaves at 830am from BWI, meaning I'd need to leave the house at 630am. He's adamant that I not take that flight because it interferes with his weekend run (which he can't do Sunday because I won't be in town). So I'd have to spend much more money and see my family for less time, all so he doesn't miss/have to cut short his run. I sympathize to a degree, but I have less than 48 hours to meet my new nephew and I feel like this is a one-time thing he should suck up (I've spent many weekends alone with the kids while he travels to races, though he's done a bunch alone as well for various reasons.)

Give me your unbiased opinions, DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Two long-distance athletes in our family and I think you're in the right. Help him find a sitter but definitely take the trip.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. Does he not view this as $150 out of HIS pocket too?

[Anonymous]

Can he run on Friday night instead? Or on Sunday, when you return?

I am on your side for a variety of reasons, not the least of which being that missing one or two runs is not going to make or break someone who has run 13-14 marathons.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I would take the later flight, because I don't like to get up that early, and a day to meet my nephew is just fine.

Having said that, I think your husband is being very selfish.

[Anonymous]

Marathoner here with the same schedule as your husband... aka, I try to be considerate and plan around family stuff. That is nuts. My husband has a guy's thing Saturday morning (long run day) and I can't make it work for Sunday, so I am running 16 miles tonight ... after the kids go to bed. I usually side with my athletic friends, but on this one.. no way.

[Anonymous]

OP here - to answer what's come up so far. He only runs in the morning and always has (I'm sure other runners can weigh in on the rationale?) I'd be up for getting a babysitter, but I can't really ask someone to come at 6am when he'd want to leave, I don't think?

[Anonymous]

You are right. I had to get a sitter many times for my children when my husband was deployed so I could do long runs. Your husband needs to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Get him a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

He can't miss ONE run? He should do his long run Friday maybe? Sounds obsessive

[Anonymous]

And he can push the sitter to 8 am or something if he's not trying to accommodate you on the other end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - to answer what's come up so far. He only runs in the morning and always has (I'm sure other runners can weigh in on the rationale?) I'd be up for getting a babysitter, but I can't really ask someone to come at 6am when he'd want to leave, I don't think?

I mean you can always ask but can't he postpone the run and leave at 7am if you have a hard time finding a sitter at 6am on a sat? He needs to practice a little flexibility and learn to compromise. He's acting extremely selfish. I think you spending more time with your new nephew and family very much trumps your husbands run.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? If they are school aged, I'd just leave them sleeping during his run.

[Anonymous]

I think that it doesn't matter who is right, but that you need to find an alternative that works for both of you. You say you want to go on a trip. He says fine, great, go. You say here are my flights. He says, well I can cancel my Sunday workout, but could you leave later so that I can run on Saturday. You say no. Just no. Why don't you say, instead, how about if I keep my flight but find you a sitter for either Saturday or Sunday morning so you can get a run in while I'm gone? Honestly, this doesn't sound like such a huge issue that can't be resolved if you look for solutions.

[Anonymous]

Is it more about the money, or the timing?

If the alternate flight time doesn't hamper your trip in any way and the only issue is that it's $150 more then you both just need to decide whether it's worth $150 for him to get that run in. Depending on his levele of seriousness, the closeness to the next race, etc, it might be.

If he's months away from the next race then he should accommodate you without question. If he's in the homestretch in training for an event that he's targeted then skipping an important long run like that could adversely affect him.

One way or another your trip should be accommodated though. Either with the cheaper flight and he misses his run, or the more expensive flight that you both agree is worth it.