Family Beach house drama

[Anonymous]

My parents have a beach house that has been in our family for years. Pre kids DH and I would spend one week there and the go elsewhere on our own vacation. I have two sisters. One doesn't work and the other is a teacher so they typically spend about 6 to 8 weeks there so it has always felt like there wasn't a lot of room especially when my older sister started having kids.

Now that I have two kids and I want to spend some time there in the summer. Last summer we made a schedule so each of the siblings would have one week there with just our parents. DH and I have the most inflexible schedules so we really only have a set vacation. A few days before we were set to go to the beach big sister who doesn't have kids announced she would overlap with us both weeks.

This summer I've learned my sister with three teenagers has decided to extend her six week stay so that they will be there for the whole time I'm there. I'm happy to spend part of the vacay with her but two weeks with three teenagers and one bathroom seems tough. I'm also annoyed because she asked if we could postpone our trip until August since her kids have preseason. Now they've decided to go to preseason late so the can squeeze in one more week of summer.

I know this is ultimately my parents' decision but we siblings made an agreement and they aren't sticking to it. I'm thinking of just canceling the vacation, and doing our own thing in September (elsewhere) since our kids are still in preschool. DH worries it will cause family drama but I feel like we only get so much time for our nuclear family we should do something with the four of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents have a beach house that has been in our family for years. Pre kids DH and I would spend one week there and the go elsewhere on our own vacation. I have two sisters. One doesn't work and the other is a teacher so they typically spend about 6 to 8 weeks there so it has always felt like there wasn't a lot of room especially when my older sister started having kids.

Now that I have two kids and I want to spend some time there in the summer. Last summer we made a schedule so each of the siblings would have one week there with just our parents. DH and I have the most inflexible schedules so we really only have a set vacation. A few days before we were set to go to the beach big sister who doesn't have kids announced she would overlap with us both weeks.

This summer I've learned my sister with three teenagers has decided to extend her six week stay so that they will be there for the whole time I'm there. I'm happy to spend part of the vacay with her but two weeks with three teenagers and one bathroom seems tough. I'm also annoyed because she asked if we could postpone our trip until August since her kids have preseason. Now they've decided to go to preseason late so the can squeeze in one more week of summer.

I know this is ultimately my parents' decision but we siblings made an agreement and they aren't sticking to it. I'm thinking of just canceling the vacation, and doing our own thing in September (elsewhere) since our kids are still in preschool. DH worries it will cause family drama but I feel like we only get so much time for our nuclear family we should do something with the four of us.

This. The beach house scenario sounds like a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

I would bag it. Kinda messed up on your sustrs's parts.
WTF!!
No way I could enjoy all those people.
What was the point of a sked.

[Anonymous]

Could you postpone your trip to the beach house until Sept - since it sounds like you have the flexibility for a Sept vaca anyway. Sister with teens and sister who is a teacher would both be occupied then. You could explain to your parents that you'd really like one on one time with them and a less hectic setting. Depending how far the house is, you could still do a 3 day weekend in early Aug so your family gets to spend time with your sisters and their families, too.

[Anonymous]

I'd cancel. What a nightmare!

[Anonymous]

If it doesn't work for you then change plans. It seems to work for your other family members so I wouldn't begrudge them that. It doesn't seem reasonable to demand alone time at the beach house when you know they generally spend extended time there. Can you rent a house close to it so you can be there but have your own space?

[Anonymous]

Not cool that your sisters are crowding you out. One bathroom for everyone? Your parents, you and DH, and your kids = at least 6 people already. That sucks.

Bag the trip or else just go for a couple of days and then head elsewhere to do your own thing.

[Anonymous]

Not cool that you all agreed to a schedule and they just decided not to honor it. I'd bring this up after the fact in a way that won't make them feel defensive, and ask again if next year they would agree to allow you the space you'd requested.

[Anonymous]

You don't want your kids to spend time with their cousins? Or is there a set week for your family to see their cousins?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't want your kids to spend time with their cousins? Or is there a set week for your family to see their cousins?

Teenagers and preschoolers don't do a lot together. Stop trying to make OP sound selfish. You must be an imposing sister in your family thinking cousins should get together.

[Anonymous]

You really lose perspective when you start taking a family asset/luxury for granted.

The beach house is a great bonus. Use it for all the benefits it offers for recreation and bonding times. Be grateful. Then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you postpone your trip to the beach house until Sept - since it sounds like you have the flexibility for a Sept vaca anyway. Sister with teens and sister who is a teacher would both be occupied then. You could explain to your parents that you'd really like one on one time with them and a less hectic setting. Depending how far the house is, you could still do a 3 day weekend in early Aug so your family gets to spend time with your sisters and their families, too.

This. Reschedule for Sept (if it can't be at this beach house then somewhere else) and do a long weekend with the whole gang in August. No way would I stay in a house full of people and only one bathroom for any longer than a weekend.

[Anonymous]

Not the PP but there are 25 cousins in our family. The teens love the preschoolers. We only see them twice a year so it is fun. Not really that odd.

OP just rent a house nearby. If your parents aren't going to enforce the schedule (I do wonder if what your sisters think of this schedule) then really you can't make it happen on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't want your kids to spend time with their cousins? Or is there a set week for your family to see their cousins?

I really do want them to spend time together and I didn't mention this earlier but that is one of the hardest parts about making this decision. My nieces and nephews are almost like my own kids since I waited longer to start a family. I want our children to have a relationship with each other. At the same time I only get a set amount of vacation a year and a certain amount of time with my parents.

[Anonymous]

Don't cancel plans thinking that the act of canceling is going to make people change.
If your parents have say-so (it it THEIR house) let them know once - only once - the specific gripe you have - in much more simple terms than this post.
Give them the opportunity to make it right. But above all, for your parent's sake and for the sake of their generosity, don't let resentments fester. If things don't resolve to your liking, you'll have to find it within yourself to get-over it even if it's not fair.