Family Beach house drama
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Anonymous
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Don't cancel plans thinking that the act of canceling is going to make people change.
If your parents have say-so (it it THEIR house) let them know once - only once - the specific gripe you have - in much more simple terms than this post. Give them the opportunity to make it right. But above all, for your parent's sake and for the sake of their generosity, don't let resentments fester. If things don't resolve to your liking, you'll have to find it within yourself to get-over it even if it's not fair. |
Anonymous
| Rent a house near by! Not that hard. |
Anonymous
The schedule was the sister with kids idea. She set it up because our other sister drives her crazy at times and she wanted some time where her kids could spend some alone time with my grandparents. Really I am the youngest child I have t had a lot of opportunities to set things up in my family, this might be the most assertive idea I've had with regard to my family. Being un assertive worked fine until I had my own kids and responsibilities. |
Anonymous
It is hard at this point in the summer. I've looked nothing seems to be available until September. |
Anonymous
This is a good idea and what I would aim to do. |
Anonymous
| Why aren't your parents mediating somewhat? It's THEIR house, right? And one of your sisters spend the entire summer there? That would get super old, if I were the homeowner.... |
Anonymous
I think it's time to start asserting yourself and not cancel. Tell her you'd also like your kids to get some alone time with your parents, and also just what you've said here - that another week with three teenagers and one bathroom is rough. Also remind her you already adjusted your vacation plans to accommodate her schedule and you don't think it's fair she's switching it up yet again. Involve your parents in this discussion, and see what happens. Maybe suggest what another PP said - that they spend a last long weekend at the beach and then return home for preseason and give your kids some alone time with your parents. If sister ignores your request, then make other plans. |
Anonymous
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NP here. let me give you some perspective, OP. MIL rents a different beach house every year, one that is always too small for everyone she invites. As if she is hoping half of us will decline? Anyway, every year it is more and more people, with a seemingly smaller house. At this point it is about 20 people.
Every year, Mil also makes assumptions about arrangements, and SILs "get there first" (really, this happens) and claim the best rooms. Which is fine, until about the 20th year of this. Like your family (and as it happens, mine too), the grandkids have quite and age gap between them. MIL *loves* to point this out; almost as an excuse not to interact with the youngest grandchildren, oddly. I come form a large, warm family, so every year, I am more perplexed by MIL's idea of a vacation. It has become clear that the whole charade is for bragging rights. All this to ask you if your point in going would be to see your family, or your parents. If it is your family, I would go and set up my own quarters, possibly rent nearby, as insulting as it seems. If it seems too insulting to you, then don't go. Instead, invite your parents to visit you, and have your children enjoy your parents 1:1. That is what I would do. I think your sisters are being hurtful and selfish, FWIW. |
Anonymous
| Rent a Don John. Problem solved. Not only that, maybe they'll take the hint. |
Anonymous
+1000 PP here. LOVE this idea. Please do this, OP! |
Anonymous
| We went through an identical situation and we ended up bailing. Best thing we ever did to keep sane. That many people in one house defeats the purpose of a vacation, which is to relax and have fun. This is neither. Not only that, teens often bring random friends, which makes it feel even more crowded, especially when they don't acknowledge that you exist. Not only are you sharing a bathroom, you'll also hear every creaking step, every toilet flush, every tv blaring late into the night. You're also competing for kitchen counter space, which can get downright unhygeinic. NOT relaxing At all. |
Anonymous
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I agree the sisters sound very selfish.
Unless....when you join them there typically, do they go out of their way to treat you like a treasured guest? Since they've had the luxury of being there all summer, do they plan the meals, shop and incorporate you into the daily schedule? Make your life a little easier? If so, I would feel somewhat differently. But I also agree with the poster above who suggested you talk with the sisters about the schedule and that you are disappointed they aren't adhering to it. |
Anonymous
| Your sister liked it better when you made other plans. They are just making plans to suit themselves without thinking about you at all. Hurtful and selfish. |
Anonymous
| I'm poster 21:35, and I think many of the pp's are assuming a lot of negative stuff about your sisters and your relationship with them that just might not be there. Op, this is your family - don't be a doormat, but also don't go creating drama where there is none. I would speak directly with everyone and see what you can work out (and I stand by my suggestion) - I suspect your sisters are just entrenched in their own routines there and see things from a different perspective than you - it doesn't make them selfish, especially if you haven't made them aware of your concerns. I think you are lucky to have this opportunity and I personally would make an effort and compromises to be able to share the experience and create traditions and memories with my spouse, kids, parents, sib's and their families. |
Anonymous
My aunt did this for my cousin's wedding on the cape. All the males were used that. All the females used the indoor bathroom. |