Family Beach house drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you postpone your trip to the beach house until Sept - since it sounds like you have the flexibility for a Sept vaca anyway. Sister with teens and sister who is a teacher would both be occupied then. You could explain to your parents that you'd really like one on one time with them and a less hectic setting. Depending how far the house is, you could still do a 3 day weekend in early Aug so your family gets to spend time with your sisters and their families, too.

This is what we did after almost the exact situation occurred to us two years ago (except my sisters actually left their kids with me to watch them for a week). After discussing this with my parents they completely understood and make the other siblings aware that they aren't welcome for one if the two weeks we are there. Fwiw, all other siblings are local and use the beach house all summer. We live many states away. This has been working for everyone with no hard feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not cool that you all agreed to a schedule and they just decided not to honor it. I'd bring this up after the fact in a way that won't make them feel defensive, and ask again if next year they would agree to allow you the space you'd requested.

WTF? No, you deal with it now in a directly confrontational way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool that you all agreed to a schedule and they just decided not to honor it. I'd bring this up after the fact in a way that won't make them feel defensive, and ask again if next year they would agree to allow you the space you'd requested.

WTF? No, you deal with it now in a directly confrontational way.

+1

[Anonymous]

It's not fair for the sisters to get a free place to stay and Then suggesting that OP. "Rent a place near by". Not financially fair or emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rent a Don John. Problem solved. Not only that, maybe they'll take the hint.

+1000

PP here. LOVE this idea. Please do this, OP!

I don't get it???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair for the sisters to get a free place to stay and Then suggesting that OP. "Rent a place near by". Not financially fair or emotionally.

It's the Parents' beach house. No one is really entitled to stay in it. I would go for a long weekend and then plan a trip elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rent a Don John. Problem solved. Not only that, maybe they'll take the hint.

+1000

PP here. LOVE this idea. Please do this, OP!

I don't get it???

Oh, you must not be from around these parts. A Don John is a portable toilet that people rent when they don't have access to regular toilets. It is not a Spanish lover. Do NOT confuse the two!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rent a Don John. Problem solved. Not only that, maybe they'll take the hint.

Better yet, get a contract and an invoice prepared from a Don John rental place and e-mail it to your sisters and ask them to go in on it with you even steven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair for the sisters to get a free place to stay and Then suggesting that OP. "Rent a place near by". Not financially fair or emotionally.

I was thinking the same thing. The sisters are there all summer, I'd they want to extend then they should rent a place nearby and give op the same opportunity they had. If it were me I'd just plan to do something else entirely and be sure to tell you parents and sisters why. But first I'd probably be direct and let them know I was looking forward to the beach time and 1:1 time with parents etc and ask them to reconsider and stick to the original agreement. Failing that I'd bail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair for the sisters to get a free place to stay and Then suggesting that OP. "Rent a place near by". Not financially fair or emotionally.

I was thinking the same thing. The sisters are there all summer, I'd they want to extend then they should rent a place nearby and give op the same opportunity they had. If it were me I'd just plan to do something else entirely and be sure to tell you parents and sisters why. But first I'd probably be direct and let them know I was looking forward to the beach time and 1:1 time with parents etc and ask them to reconsider and stick to the original agreement. Failing that I'd bail.

No but if OP stoicly rents a place, the parents will feel super guilty and miss the one on one time with OP's family and thus do something about the situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool that you all agreed to a schedule and they just decided not to honor it. I'd bring this up after the fact in a way that won't make them feel defensive, and ask again if next year they would agree to allow you the space you'd requested.

WTF? No, you deal with it now in a directly confrontational way.

Talk to your sister: "I thought we had a plan for mom and dad's house this year, what happened? I like seeing you on vacation, but the house gets intense with 5 kids and 5 adults and one bathroom. Do you think there's a way we could compromise so we all get to spend time at the house AND be reasonably comfortable."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool that you all agreed to a schedule and they just decided not to honor it. I'd bring this up after the fact in a way that won't make them feel defensive, and ask again if next year they would agree to allow you the space you'd requested.

WTF? No, you deal with it now in a directly confrontational way.

Talk to your sister: "I thought we had a plan for mom and dad's house this year, what happened? I like seeing you on vacation, but the house gets intense with 5 kids and 5 adults and one bathroom. Do you think there's a way we could compromise so we all get to spend time at the house AND be reasonably comfortable."

This is a good solution.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but the one bathroom is a deal breaker for me.

Vacations are too precious and life's too short to vie for bathroom time.

Your sisters are out of line and I'd be beyond angry that they are following established rules. I'd cancel and take a vacation with just your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair for the sisters to get a free place to stay and Then suggesting that OP. "Rent a place near by". Not financially fair or emotionally.

I was thinking the same thing. The sisters are there all summer, I'd they want to extend then they should rent a place nearby and give op the same opportunity they had. If it were me I'd just plan to do something else entirely and be sure to tell you parents and sisters why. But first I'd probably be direct and let them know I was looking forward to the beach time and 1:1 time with parents etc and ask them to reconsider and stick to the original agreement. Failing that I'd bail.

No but if OP stoicly rents a place, the parents will feel super guilty and miss the one on one time with OP's family and thus do something about the situation?

Or,
The parents will secretly be pleased
That OP is willing to give in and spend $$ to solve a problem instead of them having to settle the argument. Sisters are taking advantage!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the PP but there are 25 cousins in our family. The teens love the preschoolers. We only see them twice a year so it is fun. Not really that odd.

OP just rent a house nearby. If your parents aren't going to enforce the schedule (I do wonder if what your sisters think of this schedule) then really you can't make it happen on your own.

The schedule was the sister with kids idea. She set it up because our other sister drives her crazy at times and she wanted some time where her kids could spend some alone time with my grandparents. Really I am the youngest child I have t had a lot of opportunities to set things up in my family, this might be the most assertive idea I've had with regard to my family. Being un assertive worked fine until I had my own kids and responsibilities.

I think it's time to start asserting yourself and not cancel. Tell her you'd also like your kids to get some alone time with your parents, and also just what you've said here - that another week with three teenagers and one bathroom is rough. Also remind her you already adjusted your vacation plans to accommodate her schedule and you don't think it's fair she's switching it up yet again. Involve your parents in this discussion, and see what happens. Maybe suggest what another PP said - that they spend a last long weekend at the beach and then return home for preseason and give your kids some alone time with your parents. If sister ignores your request, then make other plans.

I agree. You and your sisters made an arrangement, and you made concessions on top of that. Tell them they need to stick to the schedule. If they don't, cancel and tell your parents that you'd love to see them but you want a lower stress situation.