Do I butt out?

[Anonymous]

My sister is now 33 and desperately wants to get married to her boyfriend of SEVEN years. She has made this sentiment clear and he has said he also wants to marry her. Her gave her a soft deadline for when he thought he might propose, he missed it, and she basically let it slide and now just hopes for end of summer. She has spent most of her "good years" with him and because of this I think she won't leave him. There relationship is fine... he is sort of bland and not the best person in the world where as I think my sister is just the best. I think she would leave him if she was 2-3 years younger and move on and find someone better but I think she thinks its too late and wants to get married and have a baby and will just wait it out for him "to be ready" whatever "ready" means. He is 37 and almost none of his close friends are married so I don't think he thinks this is weird. Should I butt out or say some honest things to her? Do you all think its too late?

[Anonymous]

I think you should have ONE honest come to jesus talk with her, and then butt out once you've said your piece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should have ONE honest come to jesus talk with her, and then butt out once you've said your piece.

Yes, it likely won't do any good but you will have spoken your mind. She can do with it what she will.

It sounds like a sad situation.

[Anonymous]

I think anything you say she's already considered, about 17 times. It's easy from the outside to say/think "Why is she putting up with this" but you have no idea how anxious, angry, and embarrassed she likely is and how many times a day she runs different strategies through her mind for either leaving him or getting him moving. I think you would be piling on and preaching to the choir. It's much better for you to be supportive than to scold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should have ONE honest come to jesus talk with her, and then butt out once you've said your piece.

Yes, it likely won't do any good but you will have spoken your mind. She can do with it what she will.

It sounds like a sad situation.

+1

[Anonymous]

What will you say to her that you think she doesn't already know?

[Anonymous]

If you feel the need to address any of this, I'd say go get a few drinks with her and just ask her how she's feeling. Be empathetic. Then butt out.

[Anonymous]

I think all of the above advice is pretty good.

Please tell her 33 is not too old. It really isn't. My dear friend just married the love of her life at 41. She kissed a lot of frogs, but she's a wonderful person and I knew the right guy would recognize it. Your sis sounds like she's probably a sweet person, that's why she's put up with this for so long.
I'm sorry to hear this OP. No woman deserves to be made to feel this way. It's not what getting engaged should feel like. Lifetime commitment is scary, but he shouldn't have to pushed and prodded. It's not because your sis isn't outstanding, it's because BF is wishy washy.
Personally, I don't want to be in a partnership with a wimp.
Don't push it with your sister though. Not worth sacrificing your relationship. Sounds like she might really need you down the line.

[Anonymous]

My sister is in the same situation. They've been dating for years, he refuses to marry or commit. I don't get it. Butt out. My mom tried for years and it didn't help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is now 33 and desperately wants to get married to her boyfriend of SEVEN years. She has made this sentiment clear and he has said he also wants to marry her. Her gave her a soft deadline for when he thought he might propose, he missed it, and she basically let it slide and now just hopes for end of summer. She has spent most of her "good years" with him and because of this I think she won't leave him. There relationship is fine... he is sort of bland and not the best person in the world where as I think my sister is just the best. I think she would leave him if she was 2-3 years younger and move on and find someone better but I think she thinks its too late and wants to get married and have a baby and will just wait it out for him "to be ready" whatever "ready" means. He is 37 and almost none of his close friends are married so I don't think he thinks this is weird. Should I butt out or say some honest things to her? Do you all think its too late?

It is not weird at all. He is not interested in getting married or at least no time soon. Nothing weird about that. The ONLY problem is that your sister, poor thing, thinks she has to sit around and wait for him to want what she wants when she wants it. 33 is not old and even if she was, she DOES NOT want to be in a marriage with someone who did not want it as much as she does. Are you married and/or does she have any married friends? She is looking at it from a single person, desperate to be married perspective. Let someone who is married explain that it marriage is not some end goal, it is a long, hard run marathon that can bring a lot of joy if you are in it with a partner who is as committed as you are. Otherwise, the desperation she feels now will pale in comparison to being married(and God forbid having kids with) someone who has no real desire to be there. By the way, I got married at almost 40 and so did a lot of my friends. Most of us are glad that we waited for the right partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is now 33 and desperately wants to get married to her boyfriend of SEVEN years. She has made this sentiment clear and he has said he also wants to marry her. Her gave her a soft deadline for when he thought he might propose, he missed it, and she basically let it slide and now just hopes for end of summer. She has spent most of her "good years" with him and because of this I think she won't leave him. There relationship is fine... he is sort of bland and not the best person in the world where as I think my sister is just the best. I think she would leave him if she was 2-3 years younger and move on and find someone better but I think she thinks its too late and wants to get married and have a baby and will just wait it out for him "to be ready" whatever "ready" means. He is 37 and almost none of his close friends are married so I don't think he thinks this is weird. Should I butt out or say some honest things to her? Do you all think its too late?

It is not weird at all. He is not interested in getting married or at least no time soon. Nothing weird about that. The ONLY problem is that your sister, poor thing, thinks she has to sit around and wait for him to want what she wants when she wants it. 33 is not old and even if she was, she DOES NOT want to be in a marriage with someone who did not want it as much as she does. Are you married and/or does she have any married friends? She is looking at it from a single person, desperate to be married perspective. Let someone who is married explain that it marriage is not some end goal, it is a long, hard run marathon that can bring a lot of joy if you are in it with a partner who is as committed as you are. Otherwise, the desperation she feels now will pale in comparison to being married(and God forbid having kids with) someone who has no real desire to be there. By the way, I got married at almost 40 and so did a lot of my friends. Most of us are glad that we waited for the right partner.

Great post!

[Anonymous]

I would have an extra drink or two and then ask potential bro in law what his damage is. "Jokingly" of course. But maybe I'm a bitch like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have an extra drink or two and then ask potential bro in law what his damage is. "Jokingly" of course. But maybe I'm a bitch like that.

Why ask him anything? What is he doing wrong,please to explain??? Women are not some products sitting around waiting to be "picked" and thus justifiably feeling wronged because they have not been "picked" after 7 years in the display window. OP's sister is 33 d*** years old - she is a grown ass woman who "should" be able to see for herself and decide for herself if her boyfriend is on the same relationship track/wave length as she is. If not, she should be able decide to hop off the train, not wait around to be pushed off. DA FUQ??!!!
I feel for the sister, not because the bf is doing something wrong to her, it's that she is doing something wrong to herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is now 33 and desperately wants to get married to her boyfriend of SEVEN years. She has made this sentiment clear and he has said he also wants to marry her. Her gave her a soft deadline for when he thought he might propose, he missed it, and she basically let it slide and now just hopes for end of summer. She has spent most of her "good years" with him and because of this I think she won't leave him. There relationship is fine... he is sort of bland and not the best person in the world where as I think my sister is just the best. I think she would leave him if she was 2-3 years younger and move on and find someone better but I think she thinks its too late and wants to get married and have a baby and will just wait it out for him "to be ready" whatever "ready" means. He is 37 and almost none of his close friends are married so I don't think he thinks this is weird. Should I butt out or say some honest things to her? Do you all think its too late?

What would you say? That she missed most of her good years (I didn't know the good years were done at 33) or that her boyfriend is bland? I don't see you having anything helpful to add here.

[Anonymous]

I think you encourage her to freeze her eggs

To give herself options