Do I butt out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think anything you say she's already considered, about 17 times. It's easy from the outside to say/think "Why is she putting up with this" but you have no idea how anxious, angry, and embarrassed she likely is and how many times a day she runs different strategies through her mind for either leaving him or getting him moving. I think you would be piling on and preaching to the choir. It's much better for you to be supportive than to scold.

This isn't true. I had a "come to Jesus" talk with my best friend about her boyfriend and she dumped him the next week. I was sick of hearing her complain and be miserable, so I just told her the truth. She was very grateful that someone did.

[Anonymous]

He has been stringing her along for 7 years. You need to throw cold water on her and tell her to wake her up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think anything you say she's already considered, about 17 times. It's easy from the outside to say/think "Why is she putting up with this" but you have no idea how anxious, angry, and embarrassed she likely is and how many times a day she runs different strategies through her mind for either leaving him or getting him moving. I think you would be piling on and preaching to the choir. It's much better for you to be supportive than to scold.

This isn't true. I had a "come to Jesus" talk with my best friend about her boyfriend and she dumped him the next week. I was sick of hearing her complain and be miserable, so I just told her the truth. She was very grateful that someone did.

+1 if your sister or your best friends can't have an honest conversation with you, then who can?

No one is encouraging the OP to "scold" her sister. But I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "You want to get married and have kids. Your BF's actions are telling you that he doesn't want to get married. If you stay at status quo indefinitely, are you okay with that? And if the answer is no, why are you staying?"

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't love her enough to make that decision by now I wouldn't want to waste my time with him. When it's right there is no forcing because both partners can't wait to be married to eachother. Dump him. Maybe he comes back but don't wait for that.

[Anonymous]

I'd have the talk with her, then ask him point blank what his intentions are. See what he says. If he says "I want to marry her," ask him when. Tell him your sister is too good to waste more time on someone not compatible.

[Anonymous]

There is no way in hell my sisters would have sat back and let me waste away 7 years without saying something. No way. It's one thing if she's fine with how things are but if she wants to get married something has to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have the talk with her, then ask him point blank what his intentions are. See what he says. If he says "I want to marry her," ask him when. Tell him your sister is too good to waste more time on someone not compatible.

Do not do this. This is none of your business but your sister is.

[Anonymous]

If you even have to have this conversation, it's not the right match. It's been seven years for cryin out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have the talk with her, then ask him point blank what his intentions are. See what he says. If he says "I want to marry her," ask him when. Tell him your sister is too good to waste more time on someone not compatible.

Do not do this. This is none of your business but your sister is.

I am the PP and I did this, and it worked. My relative realized by his answers that he wasn't worth her time anymore, and he is ancient history now.