I can't seem to find other moms who want to go out and have fun
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I'm a mom of a toddler. We are not originally from this area and moved here in our early 30s (we didn't know anyone when we moved here). Before we had our daughter, my husband and I worked hard to meet new people and make new friends, and neither of us had any luck. We both tried to make friends with co-workers, neighbors, and joined many couples social groups. Despite trying hard to make friends, we made 1 or 2 friends but I definitely needed and wanted more friends.
Then I got pregnant, and I did not know any other moms until after I had my DD. I joined PACE, a few moms groups, and worked really hard to meet new moms and make friends. I have made 3 new mom friends in the last 2 years. But I would really like to have more friends. The 3 friends I have made are all working moms rarely want to get together without the kids (which I can totally understand). However, the issue is that I really want to go out more on weeknights and weekends (my husband is willing to watch DD any time I want). Currently, I meet one of the friends twice a month during the week for dinner out. And I go out to dinner about once or twice a month with a mom's group that has mom's night out. But honestly, I need more social time with other women than that. I feel lonely a lot, because spouse works long hours, but during the week I am out and about with DD at various kid friendly events, and I can socialize then with other moms, even though I either don't know them at all or they are just acquaintances. I long for deeper friendships though, and would love to have a best friend who is another stay at home mom. But especially weekends I'd love to go out with other women for brunch or dinner, or just shopping, or some other activity like trivia, play boardgames at someone's house, meet up for a walk, etc. But I can never find anyone who is interested or able to get together on weekends. Either they work full-time and want to spend every minute with their child (which I understand), or their spouse refuses to watch their child, or they have no interest in going out and having fun. Everyone I know only has one kid too, which makes it easier to go out. Where can I find moms who also want to have fun? |
Anonymous
| SAHMS in your neighborhood. Spent all week with their kids and want some time away |
Anonymous
| Join a moms group with mostly SAHMs in your area. You will click with some. |
Anonymous
OP here. I did that. I have tried to make friends but no one is interested. I have extended invitations for other moms to join us in kid activities and mom only activities but they just ignore these invitations. It bums me out. Joining a moms group is no guarantee that you'll make any friends. I have made lots of acquaintances, but no friends. There are no SAHMs in my neighborhood that I know of. |
Anonymous
|
I'll ask this question. What is wrong with you ? What is wrong with your husband ?
I could go outside right now and make friends with 4 maybe more people on my street if I wanted to. Why ? Because I'm open to being friendly. People stop me in the store, parking lots, ask me for directions or help, talk to me while standing in line at the store, post office. Not once have I ever approached anyone, they approach me. You give off unfriendly vibes. Both you and your husband. Figure out why and try to change it then you'll have friends galore. |
Anonymous
|
In general, I've found women with toddlers a flakey group in terms of going out.
If you have access to a sitter, then I would look at some meetup.com groups that are focused on what you like to do. For example, like a woman's dinner or walking group. If you like to have people over, when your DH is out of town, have another mom or two with same aged kids over for a pizza delivery dinner. There are a lot of parents who are pretty much flying solo in the evenings b/c the spouse works late. |
Anonymous
| Where do you live OP? I find it tough here too, compared to where I moved from. I didn't move until after I had kids though, so I chalked it up to not having the close friendships that predate children coming along. I have met tons of acquaintances with kids but I also find it TOUGH to form any kind of closer bond with women on a more 1-on-1 friendship level. |
Anonymous
Why? Why, you ask? Answer: because you don't live in Washington. If I had to guess, I'd guess Wisconsin, Illinois, or Florida. I guarantee you're not writing from 20816 and sashaying down your street like a goddamn pied piper with all the neighbors pouring out their front doors to join you and bask in your awesome friendly halo. It doesn't work like that here, where OP is writing from. |
Anonymous
+1 Since you don't seem to be having luck with other moms right now, don't focus on them exclusively, just focus on women in general. |
Anonymous
|
That's because most moms are busy...
working taking care of multiple kids taking care of spouse cleaning <insert any number of duties here> While leaving herself and her happiness last. The reality of it is that there are just not that many moms who have the energy to go out and "have fun," whatever that entails. It sounds like you'd be better off making friends with single, childless women. |
Anonymous
what neighborhood are you in? |
Anonymous
| Well I'm a mom of an elementary kid, so don't know if my thoughts are wanted. However, I could send an email to a group of moms from kid's class and be assured of a night out. I honestly can't remember what toddlerhood was like, but hang in there, because moms will be knocking at your door in a few years. |
Anonymous
| When my husband was working a lot, I wanted to be with him during any spare time. |
Anonymous
I'm a little concerned that PP is making "friends" from random people in parking lots. |
Anonymous
|
If you'd like to do things on nights/weekends without kids, why not also look for friends who aren't necessarily moms?
-woman without children around your age, who would love to make new friends who actually want to hang out without their kids sometimes |