ADHD son has no friends

[Anonymous]

After a difficult year in kindergarten we have started camp and it feels like the same old thing. Son has no friends and it breaks my heart. He latches on to people and annoys them eventually pushing him away. He doesn't understand social cues. I've tried many, many times talking to Him about it but he just nods his head and says he understands but comes home the next day saying everyone hates him. Do I stop asking about it and let him figure out if he wants friends maybe he needs to change the way he acts? Not sure how to handle the situation.

[Anonymous]

social skills group and one-on-one play dates if possible

[Anonymous]

One on one play dates?

[Anonymous]

I am so very sorry you and he are going through this. Making and keeping friends during the childhood years is tough even without ADHD challenges. But as he grows older, he'll develop the maturity to understand and react more appropriately to the social cues. He'll find his people. Meanwhile, big group situations, like camp, may be good to avoid for awhile after he makes it through this one. One-on-ones as folks mentioned above. And interacting with kids like him who understand him.

Are there opportunities for him to have one-on-ones with other kids with his ADHD characteristics? That may help him a lot. They'll get him.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat. Honestly, we do our best. He did social skills therapy through school and will continue to do so. We organize some occasional play dates but I can't play social director for him his whole life. I try to out him in situations where he can learn, encourage him, help him i tegrate but eventually I back off. He has got to learn how to socialize on his own.

[Anonymous]

My 11-yo is the same. I wonder if it's even harder due to his race. He's hyper, quirky, attention seeking, annoying, and a minority. We've made peace with the fact that that is who he is, and we will continue to encourage New friendship but will not be pushing it anymore.

[Anonymous]

I have a son, 7, with ASD/ADHD and he has friends even a best friend. Does you son have an IEP/504? My son has to be taught social cues and "how to be a friend" explicitly like how he is taught math. Our public school and his teachers have been teaching him since prek4 when he entered school and got his diagnosis.

There are lots of things the school can do to help with social issues. In fact, all of my son's IEP goals involve social communication not academics (where he has no issues).

You can have one-on-one play dates as has been suggested but your son with be best served with direct social instruction. Does your school have a school counselor? At our school, the counselor runs social skills classes as well as the SLP.

[Anonymous]

My heart aches for you. I know how hard this can be. As parents we suffer as much or more when our children suffer. I would agree with parenting classes and one on one time with other kids. Does your son take medication? I noticed my son was much less annoying on meds. He has outgrown a lot of his "annoying" behaviors now and has a lot of friends, so don't despair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After a difficult year in kindergarten we have started camp and it feels like the same old thing. Son has no friends and it breaks my heart. He latches on to people and annoys them eventually pushing him away. He doesn't understand social cues. I've tried many, many times talking to Him about it but he just nods his head and says he understands but comes home the next day saying everyone hates him. Do I stop asking about it and let him figure out if he wants friends maybe he needs to change the way he acts? Not sure how to handle the situation.

OP - please find a social skills class for your DS. Also, try Cub Scouts. One more suggestion - there are games/products you can use to help teach your son social skills and pragmatics. They're actually very good. I purchased these for my DS years ago

http://www.superduperinc.com/products/view.aspx?pid=crd66#.VYvjU2CpqlI

Super Duper Inc. has a ton of wonderful products for all sorts of "issues" that kids with ADHD and ASD have.

Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 11-yo is the same.

I wonder if it's even harder due to his race.

He's hyper, quirky, attention seeking, annoying, and a minority. We've made peace with the fact that that is who he is, and we will continue to encourage New friendship but will not be pushing it anymore.

My guess is "no". Kids do not see race, they just don't. Not at that age. They recognize if someone is a "different color", but that is where it ends.

[Anonymous]

My son was finally able to make friends once his symptoms mostly disappeared on medication. He stopped annoying people by his constant talking plus he was able to recognize social cues. It was like night and day.

[Anonymous]

DC is on the mild end of the autism spectrum and his main issue is with peer to peer social interaction. He had similar trouble at that age in school and especially in summer camps. An ongoing weekly social skills group helped my son immensely. At first it was the only place where he had friends. then it helped him branch out elsewhere and brought him along with experiences. Then it was more of a troubleshooting group where they helped each other solve issues. Monthly parent group helped us too- first to develop our parenting skills and then to trouble shoot too He went from 4th grade through 11th grade. Worth every dime. This is a long term issue that will not be solved in the short term. Think tortoise not hare.

Groups like scouts and church Re then youth group worked well. Playing an instrument in band or orchestra is another place to feel like you fit in and be a part of a larger group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a son, 7, with ASD/ADHD and he has friends even a best friend. Does you son have an IEP/504? My son has to be taught social cues and "how to be a friend" explicitly like how he is taught math. Our public school and his teachers have been teaching him since prek4 when he entered school and got his diagnosis.

There are lots of things the school can do to help with social issues. In fact, all of my son's IEP goals involve social communication not academics (where he has no issues).

You can have one-on-one play dates as has been suggested but your son with be best served with direct social instruction. Does your school have a school counselor? At our school, the counselor runs social skills classes as well as the SLP.

I know you mean well and your advice is solid, however it overlooks two things: one, you kid has an astonishingly large and unusual amount of free social lessons year after year. This is unlikely to be replicated to this extent and solve the problem (esp as kids get older, schools aren't going to do that if kid is meeting academic targets and curriculum as "accessed."

Two, some ADHD kids' quirks are just more socially appealing than other quirks. Your kid may have friends and even a best friend because he doesn't lick his classmates' faces or sit on his classmate. Some ADHD kids I know personally have overwhelming and uncontrollable impulse to do this sort of social pariah stuff -- other hallmark ADHD things which are MUCH more socially acceptable among peers -- like blurt out answers to the teacher or get up during a lesson without permission.

IME, 5-8 year old boys are a lot more forgiving of -- and even celebratory over -- some ADHD traits than others. Think about whether your son has an uncontrollable urge to put his fingers in his neighbors nose, for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is on the mild end of the autism spectrum and his main issue is with peer to peer social interaction. He had similar trouble at that age in school and especially in summer camps. An ongoing weekly social skills group helped my son immensely. At first it was the only place where he had friends. then it helped him branch out elsewhere and brought him along with experiences. Then it was more of a troubleshooting group where they helped each other solve issues. Monthly parent group helped us too- first to develop our parenting skills and then to trouble shoot too He went from 4th grade through 11th grade. Worth every dime. This is a long term issue that will not be solved in the short term. Think tortoise not hare.

Groups like scouts and church Re then youth group worked well. Playing an instrument in band or orchestra is another place to feel like you fit in and be a part of a larger group.

Where would the OP find out about the weekly social skills group? That sounds like a wonderful help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is on the mild end of the autism spectrum and his main issue is with peer to peer social interaction. He had similar trouble at that age in school and especially in summer camps. An ongoing weekly social skills group helped my son immensely. At first it was the only place where he had friends. then it helped him branch out elsewhere and brought him along with experiences. Then it was more of a troubleshooting group where they helped each other solve issues. Monthly parent group helped us too- first to develop our parenting skills and then to trouble shoot too He went from 4th grade through 11th grade. Worth every dime. This is a long term issue that will not be solved in the short term. Think tortoise not hare.

Groups like scouts and church Re then youth group worked well. Playing an instrument in band or orchestra is another place to feel like you fit in and be a part of a larger group.

Where would the OP find out about the weekly social skills group? That sounds like a wonderful help.

Where does the OP live?