How do you learn to be happy by yourself?

[Anonymous]

I recently went through a breakout, & am still hurting from it. I want to get to the point where I can learn to be happy by myself. I don't think I've ever been able to fully be happy alone, & this time I want to, & not rush off to the next relationship. How do you do that? I'm spending time with friends, staying busy with my son, but when I'm alone, I either veg out in front of the tv, or sleep. I want more than that. How do I get to that point?

[Anonymous]

Get a hobby or take a class. Really take the time to explore what you like doing. Try new things alone and with friends.

[Anonymous]

Do one thing per day (or per week if you want to start slow) that is out of your comfort zone. It could be small. Strike up a conversation with a stranger. Invite a coworker to dinner. Sign up for a class. When you find you like something explore it. Take a vacation solo. Essentially, do what you can to explore. Start slowly and build gradually. You will get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently went through a breakout, & am still hurting from it. I want to get to the point where I can learn to be happy by myself. I don't think I've ever been able to fully be happy alone, & this time I want to, & not rush off to the next relationship. How do you do that? I'm spending time with friends, staying busy with my son, but when I'm alone, I either veg out in front of the tv, or sleep. I want more than that. How do I get to that point?

Most people are pretty happy by themselves if they veg out in front of tv or sleep. So, the first thing to do is learn to enjoy what you do naturally - without guilt, without an internal dialog and without being critical and judgemental. As long as you are buying into the notion that is perpetuated by others, that you have to be doing xyz to be fulfilled (for eg. - be in a relationship), you will be dissatisfied and unhappy.

After that - look around. There is plenty to do around here. Other pp's have good suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I don't think I've ever been able to fully be happy alone

Time to grow up, little girl. It's a cruel world out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently went through a breakout, & am still hurting from it. I want to get to the point where I can learn to be happy by myself. I don't think I've ever been able to fully be happy alone, & this time I want to, & not rush off to the next relationship. How do you do that? I'm spending time with friends, staying busy with my son, but when I'm alone, I either veg out in front of the tv, or sleep. I want more than that. How do I get to that point?

That's very sad. Do you not like yourself much OP?

To learn to be happy by yourself, you have to learn to like yourself, who you are, what kind of person you are, etc.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need to be alone? Go out, date, meet new people. Why do people feel the need to hibernate and be depressed about a break up? On to the next

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently went through a breakout, & am still hurting from it. I want to get to the point where I can learn to be happy by myself. I don't think I've ever been able to fully be happy alone, & this time I want to, & not rush off to the next relationship. How do you do that? I'm spending time with friends, staying busy with my son, but when I'm alone, I either veg out in front of the tv, or sleep. I want more than that. How do I get to that point?

Most people are pretty happy by themselves if they veg out in front of tv or sleep. So, the first thing to do is learn to enjoy what you do naturally - without guilt, without an internal dialog and without being critical and judgemental. As long as you are buying into the notion that is perpetuated by others, that you have to be doing xyz to be fulfilled (for eg. - be in a relationship), you will be dissatisfied and unhappy.

After that - look around. There is plenty to do around here. Other pp's have good suggestions.

This. A philosophy teacher I once had said that happiness depends on accepting yourself without the condition that you change. By assuming there is something wrong with you for wanting to just veg out or sleep. If you just went through a breakup, maybe that is what you need. Let yourself have the rest without judgement.

It takes a lot of time to process a relationship loss. Maybe you are simply still grieving. Let yourself do that. Then when you are ready, other people have great suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently went through a breakout, & am still hurting from it. I want to get to the point where I can learn to be happy by myself. I don't think I've ever been able to fully be happy alone, & this time I want to, & not rush off to the next relationship. How do you do that? I'm spending time with friends, staying busy with my son, but when I'm alone, I either veg out in front of the tv, or sleep. I want more than that. How do I get to that point?

Most people are pretty happy by themselves if they veg out in front of tv or sleep. So, the first thing to do is learn to enjoy what you do naturally - without guilt, without an internal dialog and without being critical and judgemental. As long as you are buying into the notion that is perpetuated by others, that you have to be doing xyz to be fulfilled (for eg. - be in a relationship), you will be dissatisfied and unhappy.

After that - look around. There is plenty to do around here. Other pp's have good suggestions.

This. A philosophy teacher I once had said that happiness depends on accepting yourself without the condition that you change. By assuming there is something wrong with you for wanting to just veg out or sleep. If you just went through a breakup, maybe that is what you need. Let yourself have the rest without judgement.

It takes a lot of time to process a relationship loss. Maybe you are simply still grieving. Let yourself do that. Then when you are ready, other people have great suggestions.

ugh, pp here. A whole fragment got deleted: By assuming there is something wrong with you for wanting to just veg out or sleep, you are not allowing for simple self acceptance. That was supposed to be in there. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Good for you. I like your mindset OP.

I say find a new past time to enjoy. Try something new that you have always wanted to try, but thought you were much too busy to.

In relationships, we sometimes put all of our focus on the other person, that we forget to take care of ourselves first.

We also tend to stop enjoying the simple pleasures in life. And there are a great many to choose from.

Take a nature walk, sit at the seashore and listen to the waves crash, ride a bike vs. driving somewhere.

Remember the stuff you did as a kid that brought you joy. Collecting seashells, visiting a zoo or amusement park, etc.

Then go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently went through a breakout, & am still hurting from it. I want to get to the point where I can learn to be happy by myself. I don't think I've ever been able to fully be happy alone, & this time I want to, & not rush off to the next relationship. How do you do that? I'm spending time with friends, staying busy with my son, but when I'm alone, I either veg out in front of the tv, or sleep. I want more than that. How do I get to that point?

It takes time. You'll go through cycles where you are depressed and feel like you need someone. Then you'll have a few good days. Eventually the good days will take over and you will begin to realize you don't need anyone to compliment you.

Keep doing things you want to do. Stay busy. Stay positive.

I love the fact that I am happy being alone. It has given me a ton of confidence and that helps a lot with dating. I have no problem walking away if things aren't right because I know I can be alone and be fine.

[Anonymous]

What's hard for me being alone is that I need a lot of affection and sex. All my life I've never been able to let go of one person without having another lined up to fill that need. I wish "friends with benefits" had been more acceptable when I was younger. We always felt we had to be pursuing a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to be alone? Go out, date, meet new people. Why do people feel the need to hibernate and be depressed about a break up? On to the next

That's not sustainable. To truly be happy, you must learn to LOVE yourself which means loving being BY yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's hard for me being alone is that I need a lot of affection and sex. All my life I've never been able to let go of one person without having another lined up to fill that need. I wish "friends with benefits" had been more acceptable when I was younger. We always felt we had to be pursuing a relationship.

You obviously place a lot of value in how others perceive you. Save the "I wish FWB had been more acceptable." You wanted others to think you were in demand.

[Anonymous]

I got really into a hobby that I do every day. It's become my "me time" and is therapeutic. I added someone special to my life this past year and I'm still doing my hobby and working him into my life around it. It gives me the confidence that even if he goes, I am still going to be standing strong.