How do you learn to be happy by yourself?

[Anonymous]

OP if you're unhappy being alone it means you know you need to change. Are you a bitch to your boyfriends and that's why you're alone? You shouldn't force yourself to be happy alone. Become a better person so you stop wrecking your relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently went through a breakout, & am still hurting from it. I want to get to the point where I can learn to be happy by myself. I don't think I've ever been able to fully be happy alone, & this time I want to, & not rush off to the next relationship. How do you do that? I'm spending time with friends, staying busy with my son, but when I'm alone, I either veg out in front of the tv, or sleep. I want more than that. How do I get to that point?

Most people are pretty happy by themselves if they veg out in front of tv or sleep. So, the first thing to do is learn to enjoy what you do naturally - without guilt, without an internal dialog and without being critical and judgemental. As long as you are buying into the notion that is perpetuated by others, that you have to be doing xyz to be fulfilled (for eg. - be in a relationship), you will be dissatisfied and unhappy.

After that - look around. There is plenty to do around here. Other pp's have good suggestions.

This. A philosophy teacher I once had said that happiness depends on accepting yourself without the condition that you change. By assuming there is something wrong with you for wanting to just veg out or sleep. If you just went through a breakup, maybe that is what you need. Let yourself have the rest without judgement.

It takes a lot of time to process a relationship loss. Maybe you are simply still grieving. Let yourself do that. Then when you are ready, other people have great suggestions.

Was that a community college philosophy class?

All life is change so what Socrates-lite told you is nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's hard for me being alone is that I need a lot of affection and sex. All my life I've never been able to let go of one person without having another lined up to fill that need. I wish "friends with benefits" had been more acceptable when I was younger. We always felt we had to be pursuing a relationship.

You obviously place a lot of value in how others perceive you. Save the "I wish FWB had been more acceptable." You wanted others to think you were in demand.

Say what now? That's the craziest interpretation of a post I've ever seen.

[Anonymous]

I spend a lot of time alone at home. I make sure my home is very comfortable and filled with things I love. It is decorated beautifully. My bed is made for lounging. I have a featherbed under me and a down comforter over me in the fall and winter. I have my iPad, cell phone, television with cable, Bose radio (I enjoy listening to music and NPR), books and magazines. I love cooking and baking, decorating, reading, writing, making greeting cards, and knitting, so am equipped with all of these supplies. I also enjoy traveling, often by myself. Of course there are also friends and family, and work and housework, church activities, pets. There is no time to be lonely.

[Anonymous]

If you need affection, get a dog or a cat. A dog would be better. It'll get you out of the house more. If it's sex you're talking about, get a rabbit as well.

[Anonymous]

This. A philosophy teacher I once had said that happiness depends on accepting yourself without the condition that you change. By assuming there is something wrong with you for wanting to just veg out or sleep. If you just went through a breakup, maybe that is what you need. Let yourself have the rest without judgement.

It takes a lot of time to process a relationship loss. Maybe you are simply still grieving. Let yourself do that. Then when you are ready, other people have great suggestions.

+1 Take care of yourself, OP. Things take time.

[Anonymous]

Good point 08:15.

After my breakup it took some time to fully get over it. There was a book someone on here suggested that talked about the grieving process. I read it and damn if it wasn't dead on about how I was feeling and the cycle I'd go through. And what do you know, it was right about the cycle.

You'll feel bad, you'll feed good, and then you'll relapse and feel bad again when you think you are over it. The good part is eventually those good days start outnumbering the bad ones. The relapse will only last a day or two.....if that. Things that used to trigger depression and sadness, no longer will. It takes time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's hard for me being alone is that I need a lot of affection and sex. All my life I've never been able to let go of one person without having another lined up to fill that need. I wish "friends with benefits" had been more acceptable when I was younger. We always felt we had to be pursuing a relationship.

You obviously place a lot of value in how others perceive you. Save the "I wish FWB had been more acceptable." You wanted others to think you were in demand.

Say what now? That's the craziest interpretation of a post I've ever seen.

It's only crazy if you identify with those woman's fear of being single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently went through a breakout, & am still hurting from it. I want to get to the point where I can learn to be happy by myself. I don't think I've ever been able to fully be happy alone, & this time I want to, & not rush off to the next relationship. How do you do that? I'm spending time with friends, staying busy with my son, but when I'm alone, I either veg out in front of the tv, or sleep. I want more than that. How do I get to that point?

Most people are pretty happy by themselves if they veg out in front of tv or sleep. So, the first thing to do is learn to enjoy what you do naturally - without guilt, without an internal dialog and without being critical and judgemental. As long as you are buying into the notion that is perpetuated by others, that you have to be doing xyz to be fulfilled (for eg. - be in a relationship), you will be dissatisfied and unhappy.

After that - look around. There is plenty to do around here. Other pp's have good suggestions.

This. A philosophy teacher I once had said that happiness depends on accepting yourself without the condition that you change. By assuming there is something wrong with you for wanting to just veg out or sleep. If you just went through a breakup, maybe that is what you need. Let yourself have the rest without judgement.

It takes a lot of time to process a relationship loss. Maybe you are simply still grieving. Let yourself do that. Then when you are ready, other people have great suggestions.

Was that a community college philosophy class?

All life is change so what Socrates-lite told you is nonsense.

In total disagreement, and I think pp misunderstood. What the philosophy teacher said is very true. You have to come to an acceptance of who you are, everything, deep acceptance, and be okay with yourself. This is the only way to truly feel whole, and thus okay being alone. The alternative is to constantly look for someone or something else to fill up the emptiness inside. Other people/things just can't do that.

[Anonymous]

Do you like yourself? I love my own company. Relish it, actually.

I recently had a break up too and it is hurtful but it ebbs over time.