My friend keeps scolding my children

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend who has a child that is similar in age to my child. She is always scolding her child - behavior, eating, cleaning up, etc. Her parenting style is quite different from mine. She often threatens her child of consequences if he does not behave properly or finish his food. We are much more laid back with eating and cleaning up. We do not start yelling at our child for not finishing his food.

She has made my child cry twice by threatening my child that he cannot play if he does not finish his food on his plate. My child rarely finishes his plate. I often give him a variety of food knowing that he will only take a few bites of 3 or the 4 different foods that I put on his plate. She will scold her child and scold my child at the same time for being loud. I do not scold my child for laughing too loud.

My friend is stressing out my child and my child seems to not have a good time being around them. I think my friend wants the children behave but she is ruining the play dates.

WWYD? Would you say something to her? Just stop hanging out?

I don't want to offend her. I rarely say anything to other children unless there is physical harm being done to another child. I mind my own business when it comes to eating. I don't know why she feels the need to yell at my child to finish his food.

[Anonymous]

I would be busy or my kid would be under the weather any time she suggests a play date.

[Anonymous]

Avoid play dates with this friend that involve eating. In fact avoid most play dates with her. If she asks why, tell her the truth - that your parenting styles are just very different, especially around food and punishments for not eating.

I certainly would not allow anyone to make my kid cry over not finishing his food. NOT ANYONE.

[Anonymous]

your child cant defend themselves against your friend, so you should be doing so. No way would I allow anyone to yell at my child.At leasts jump in with something like that's enough or we don't talk to Timmy like that.

[Anonymous]

This is more serious than a parenting difference you can shrug off, OP. This person has actually made your child cry?

You need to look her straight in the eye, and say:

"Please don't talk to my child in this manner, Larla. We don't force DD to finish what's on her plate - I purposefully put a variety of foods there for her to try, but not necessarily finish. I also don't expect her to laugh quietly - I enjoy hearing her laugh! Generally, parents here are careful not to reprimand somebody else's child because their parenting might be different from yours and they might not appreciate the interference. Thank you."

And limit contact.

[Anonymous]

Come again??? You were there while someone made your child cry for not eating his food, and you don't want to "offend" this person? And you're here asking if you should say something to her???

DO YOU HAVE A SPINE???

"I need you to stop talking to Larlo about his food now. I've got it under control." Then to your son say, "As soon as you finish up Sweetie, we're going to get ready to leave."

Then leave. And stop all the play dates.

[Anonymous]

If she's your friend... talk to her about it. Just say we don't make DC finish his food, we only make sure he takes a few bites. For the yelling if it gets on her nerves then yeah she can say something regardless of what your DC rules are. If you are in her house it's her house rules, minus the food thing. If they are at your house it's your house rules. Or go somewhere neutral.

I have a friend who yells at you if you take a glass of water and don't finish it, the same with food. Now when we go there I really watch what I put on my plate or cup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come again??? You were there while someone made your child cry for not eating his food, and you don't want to "offend" this person? And you're here asking if you should say something to her???

DO YOU HAVE A SPINE???

"I need you to stop talking to Larlo about his food now. I've got it under control." Then to your son say, "As soon as you finish up Sweetie, we're going to get ready to leave."

Then leave. And stop all the play dates.

I absolutely have a spine. This is a person I have been friends with for a long time. She is very strict with her kids. Her child is well behaved but does cry often.

If my child is misbehaving, I usually do not mind when other people discipline. My child was getting up from the table instead of eating. I did ask my child to eat more multiple times before my friend chimed in. If she does it again, I will say that we do not threaten our children to eat.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely say something. No question, really. It's your job to stand up for your child, not worry about hurting your friend's feelings. She's overstepping boundaries and needs to know; be polite, friendly, non-confrontational and you'll likely keep your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's your friend... talk to her about it. Just say we don't make DC finish his food, we only make sure he takes a few bites. For the yelling if it gets on her nerves then yeah she can say something regardless of what your DC rules are. If you are in her house it's her house rules, minus the food thing. If they are at your house it's your house rules. Or go somewhere neutral.

I have a friend who yells at you if you take a glass of water and don't finish it, the same with food. Now when we go there I really watch what I put on my plate or cup.

OP here. We have 2 other friends who insist that their children finish the food on their plates. They don't let their kids get up until they are finished. Those friends don't say anything to my kids but my kids will often eat only half their food and get up to play. They make me feel like my kids have poor manners.

My children are ages 4 and 6. They go through phases of eating poorly and well. I try not to stress about it too much. They eat when they are hungry and I limit unhealthy snacks.

[Anonymous]

22:01 here. You need a like-minded circle of friends, OP.

I tend to be on the harsh side. I forced DS to finish his plate as a toddler because he had failure to thrive and was seeing oral-motor therapists - ie, there was an excellent reason to insist on feeding him. But I would NEVER discipline someone else's child.

The simple truth is that you're never going to be comfortable with these people (who may be of the same background and culture?) if their parenting is so different from yours. Seriously, take the time to choose new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's your friend... talk to her about it. Just say we don't make DC finish his food, we only make sure he takes a few bites. For the yelling if it gets on her nerves then yeah she can say something regardless of what your DC rules are. If you are in her house it's her house rules, minus the food thing. If they are at your house it's your house rules. Or go somewhere neutral.

I have a friend who yells at you if you take a glass of water and don't finish it, the same with food. Now when we go there I really watch what I put on my plate or cup.

OP here. We have 2 other friends who insist that their children finish the food on their plates. They don't let their kids get up until they are finished. Those friends don't say anything to my kids but my kids will often eat only half their food and get up to play. They make me feel like my kids have poor manners.

My children are ages 4 and 6. They go through phases of eating poorly and well. I try not to stress about it too much. They eat when they are hungry and I limit unhealthy snacks.

Are your friend's kids all first borns?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's your friend... talk to her about it. Just say we don't make DC finish his food, we only make sure he takes a few bites. For the yelling if it gets on her nerves then yeah she can say something regardless of what your DC rules are. If you are in her house it's her house rules, minus the food thing. If they are at your house it's your house rules. Or go somewhere neutral.

I have a friend who yells at you if you take a glass of water and don't finish it, the same with food. Now when we go there I really watch what I put on my plate or cup.

OP here. We have 2 other friends who insist that their children finish the food on their plates. They don't let their kids get up until they are finished. Those friends don't say anything to my kids but my kids will often eat only half their food and get up to play. They make me feel like my kids have poor manners.

My children are ages 4 and 6. They go through phases of eating poorly and well. I try not to stress about it too much. They eat when they are hungry and I limit unhealthy snacks.

You and your friends are really messed up in the head about food. If your kids only eat half the food on their plate that doesn't mean they're "eating poorly." It means THEY ARE NOT THAT HUNGRY and they are listening to their body's cues. Which is what people are supposed to do. Get a freaking spine, and then use it to walk yourself over to the library and get some books on proper eating, which you obviously don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22:01 here. You need a like-minded circle of friends, OP.

I tend to be on the harsh side. I forced DS to finish his plate as a toddler because he had failure to thrive and was seeing oral-motor therapists - ie, there was an excellent reason to insist on feeding him. But I would NEVER discipline someone else's child.

The simple truth is that you're never going to be comfortable with these people (who may be of the same background and culture?) if their parenting is so different from yours. Seriously, take the time to choose new friends.

OP here. Prior to having children, I was very aggressive and ambitious. My friends from prior to having children have similar personalities. They are perfectionists and want their children to be well behaved and perfect. By doing this, I don't think the parents and children seem very happy.

I am now a SAHM. I used to stress about my children's eating. I pick my battles with my children. They eat lots of fruit and veggies. They also eat ice cream almost every night after dinner. They cannot eat ice cream until they eat a decent amount of dinner. Our house is always kind of messy except for the few hours after the cleaning lady finishes cleaning. We are ok with this. I spend a lot of time reading and trying to enrich my kids. Often that includes messes that we don't always clean up right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22:01 here. You need a like-minded circle of friends, OP.

I tend to be on the harsh side. I forced DS to finish his plate as a toddler because he had failure to thrive and was seeing oral-motor therapists - ie, there was an excellent reason to insist on feeding him. But I would NEVER discipline someone else's child.

The simple truth is that you're never going to be comfortable with these people (who may be of the same background and culture?) if their parenting is so different from yours. Seriously, take the time to choose new friends.

OP here. Prior to having children, I was very aggressive and ambitious. My friends from prior to having children have similar personalities. They are perfectionists and want their children to be well behaved and perfect. By doing this, I don't think the parents and children seem very happy.

I am now a SAHM. I used to stress about my children's eating. I pick my battles with my children. They eat lots of fruit and veggies. They also eat ice cream almost every night after dinner. They cannot eat ice cream until they eat a decent amount of dinner. Our house is always kind of messy except for the few hours after the cleaning lady finishes cleaning. We are ok with this. I spend a lot of time reading and trying to enrich my kids. Often that includes messes that we don't always clean up right away.

PP you're responding to.

People on this board complain all the time about how hard it is to make friends. Knowing it might take time, just go out there and do it anyway! I moved here from abroad and took many years to find a small circle of excellent friends. Our only thing in common is our parenting and general philosophy of life - not nationality, age or occupation. That way there is perfect frankness when we talk about parenting strategies and education, etc. I feel I can ask for advice and get something that will truly match what I want for my children. And vice-versa. The rest of the conversation is fascinating, since we can relate our different experiences of life.

On a side note, you seem insecure. There is no need to justify your lifestyle. You only have one life to live, so do what you think is best.