My friend keeps scolding my children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my child is at your house, your rules and vice versa. If either of us do not like the rules of the other house, then no more play dates. Simple and easy.

No jumping on the couch and put away toys before leaving the room are great rules and one that my child should follow.

This is tricky around meal times. If an adult is portioning out food and then saying a guest can't leave the table until all the food on the plate is consumed, that is not a rule I can support.

I agree.

Parent of older kids here.

I have never been in a situation where a parent has required other kids who are finished to remain at the table and sit while their kid has a battle of wills about finishing their own food.

In all cases, especially at that age and at play dates, the parents of tue kid not eating tells the other kids to go play and uses that as leverage to get theor kid to eat. Or they go ahead and let their kid get down and play with the others, even if that means leaving food behind (they make them eat the leftovers though if other snacks come out or if they say they are hungry later). Not once have I witnessed what OP is describing and what some of you are advocating. That is messed up OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my child is at your house, your rules and vice versa. If either of us do not like the rules of the other house, then no more play dates. Simple and easy.

No jumping on the couch and put away toys before leaving the room are great rules and one that my child should follow.

This is tricky around meal times. If an adult is portioning out food and then saying a guest can't leave the table until all the food on the plate is consumed, that is not a rule I can support.

+1. I think everyone, children included, should be allowed to stop eating when they're full or simply no longer interested in eating - particularly if they were served arbitrary portions by someone else. OP's friend sounds like way too much of a harda$$ for my tastes. Battles over food are not my thing. Neither is forcing a small child to sit at a table and watch someone else get screamed at to eat under duress. OP's friend is the one lacking manners, not OP and her child. That sounds like it was a very uncomfortable scene and I would have excused my child, too. I'm sure it was upsetting for the other child to be yelled at in front her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my child is at your house, your rules and vice versa. If either of us do not like the rules of the other house, then no more play dates. Simple and easy.

No jumping on the couch and put away toys before leaving the room are great rules and one that my child should follow.

This is tricky around meal times. If an adult is portioning out food and then saying a guest can't leave the table until all the food on the plate is consumed, that is not a rule I can support.

I agree about the rules - except for food. It is one thing for everyone to sit until everyone is done eating, it is something else to force a child to eat.

I have two great eaters, and I have a good friend whose kids ARE "poor eaters". I would never enforce my food standards on anyone else's kids. I know to give them really small portions when they are at my home. When they are done, they are done. I would NEVER say anything while my friend was sitting there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's your friend... talk to her about it. Just say we don't make DC finish his food, we only make sure he takes a few bites. For the yelling if it gets on her nerves then yeah she can say something regardless of what your DC rules are. If you are in her house it's her house rules, minus the food thing. If they are at your house it's your house rules. Or go somewhere neutral.

I have a friend who yells at you if you take a glass of water and don't finish it, the same with food. Now when we go there I really watch what I put on my plate or cup.

OP here. We have 2 other friends who insist that their children finish the food on their plates. They don't let their kids get up until they are finished. Those friends don't say anything to my kids but my kids will often eat only half their food and get up to play. They make me feel like my kids have poor manners.

My children are ages 4 and 6. They go through phases of eating poorly and well. I try not to stress about it too much. They eat when they are hungry and I limit unhealthy snacks.

So the trouble spot isn't really about the children eating - it's about meal time manners. It's fine that your children don't eat all their food, but manners dictate that they sit at the table until everyone is finished. That's the part you want to encourage.

OP here. The problem is not necessarily eating or table manners. It is that my friend is constantly scolding and disciplining her child and then brings my children into her scolding. We actually went out today into public. She did not scold my children today. I think she sensed that I was not happy that she made my child cry. She did spend much of the day yelling at her child. I feel bad for him. It becomes an unpleasant outing. We split up for part of the day and my son and I had a fantastic time. We met up again to eat and everything was fine. Everyone was hungry. Everyone ate well.