What to tell our kids to call my step-mother?

[Anonymous]

I've been thinking a lot about this because I need an answer before it's on us. My parents are divorced and my father remarried shortly there after. I've never called his wife by anything other than her first name, let's call her Sue. As we're preparing to start our family, we were talking about what we want our parents to be called. Grandma, grandpa, etc. I have no idea about my father's wife. Because no, she is not a grandmother to anybody. Despite them being married for almost as long as I've been alive, she was not a mother in any way of raising me. Do we call the real parents "grandma, grandpa" and then call her "Grandma Sue?" Am I just over thinking this?

[Anonymous]

How will you differentiate between your parents and your husband's parents, when speaking to your child? Let her pick a grandparent name.

[Anonymous]

Nana Sue?
Miss Sue?
Sue?
Grammy Sue?


Probably overthinking it. Ask her what she'd like to be called and go from there (hopefully, she's cool with something like the above and doesn't insist on being flat out grandma)

[Anonymous]

Ask her! Ours is Omi. (She's German.)

[Anonymous]

My sisters kids call her by her first name.

She was the reason their grandparents got a divorce.

None of the kids affected want their own children to give her the honor of being called grandma, because she is not.

[Anonymous]

I think most people let the grandparents themselves choose what they'd like to be called, don't they?

Anyway, I think it matters less whether she was a mother to you and more whether she'll be like a grandmother to your kids.

[Anonymous]

My mom had a step dad who raised her. She only called him by his first name. All of us grandchildren have called him grandpa. Regardless of who raised you or birthed you, this woman will play the role of grandma the same. Grandma is less of a biological thing than a role that the previous generation play in the lives of children.

I vote for Grandma Sue. Or grandma Smith. I've only ever said grandma/grandpa, but to differentiate then, I include last names when necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sisters kids call her by her first name.

She was the reason their grandparents got a divorce.

None of the kids affected want their own children to give her the honor of being called grandma, because she is not.

My husband and his sister also call their grandpa's second wife by her first name, even though she has been around almost as long as them.

My kids call her Great Granny First Name.

[Anonymous]

We have Grandma and Grandpa (my step-mom and dad) and we have Yaya and Pop Pop (my mom and step-dad)

My mom picked her own name and has no ethnic tie to it. (I think yaya is greek?)

Also - your kids might come up with something different. I had a bunch of grandpas including a Grumpy, Ponga, and Ponga Pencil. These were names that my sisters made up and they happened to stick.

[Anonymous]

PP here - I forgot - we also have Granny and a Grandma Ernie (my dad's father's name was Ernie...)

Just to illustrate that you probably don't have much of a say in it as you think you do.

[Anonymous]

Both of my parents remarried when I was already an adult, but before I had kids. My son loves my step parents just as much as his biological grandparents, he has no idea who is related to him. I was the same way growing up with lots of aunts and uncles, did not know or care which was a parents sibling and who was an in law. So really, decide on names the way you would normally. Some grandparents pick out things they want to be called, and some are happy with whatever the kids come up with. My sons 6 grandparents all have different random names- my dad wanted to be 'grandpa first name' and my step mom came up with her own name that's a combo of grandma and her first name. My mom is a made up word that my son insists is her name (he's 3). ILs are Yiayia and Papou, the Greek words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking a lot about this because I need an answer before it's on us. My parents are divorced and my father remarried shortly there after. I've never called his wife by anything other than her first name, let's call her Sue. As we're preparing to start our family, we were talking about what we want our parents to be called. Grandma, grandpa, etc. I have no idea about my father's wife. Because no, she is not a grandmother to anybody. Despite them being married for almost as long as I've been alive, she was not a mother in any way of raising me. Do we call the real parents "grandma, grandpa" and then call her "Grandma Sue?" Am I just over thinking this?

My son calls my stepmother "Grandmom Mary" because her first name is Mary.

[Anonymous]

Just let the kid pick. That's how they get weird grandparent names. Mimi, mom mom, nana, grandma Sue, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anyway, I think it matters less whether she was a mother to you and more whether she'll be like a grandmother to your kids.

I completely agree. My grandfather married "Sue" after my mom was already an adult and married herself. Sue was never a mother to her, but as "Grandma Sue" she was very involved. Looking back, I can see that she, not my grandfather, was the one to send cards and buy presents. And now she as "Great-Grandma Sue" she is a loving figure for my kids.

If you hope that she, alongside your dad, will be a grandparental figure to your children, I'd encourage you to give her (or allow her to pick) a grandparental name.

As for what that is, exactly, methods vary. My parents chose grandparent names that they (and we) liked. My husband's parents didn't have a preference, so we gave started using names for them ("Grandma Mary" and "Grandpa Joe"). The kids themselves turned Grandma Mary into their own cute name. Grandpa Joe is still Grandpa Joe.

[Anonymous]

you aren't even pregnant yet and you're worried about this? Issues.