How do you handle a partner needing constant reassurance?
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Anonymous
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I'm currently in a relationship where my boyfriend needs constant reassurance that I'm invested in the relationship. He is 33 and in a great career, where as I am still in graduate school, plus work part-time. I try to keep a balance of school, work, love/social life, and some me time, but it never seems like enough for him. We see each other every weekend and usually once during the week. We've even dating six months and I'm in love with him. I give him my full attention and make as much time for him as possible, but it doesn't seem like enough for him. I'm unsure if him being 5+ years out of school has made him forget how tough it is to juggle everything. We talked once about this but it didn't help. I assure him that I love him and wish I could spend more time together, but school is a huge aspect right now. What is troubling is he knew my schedule before we started dating. He offered me to move in so I don't has to work, but I don't feel comfortable being financially dependent on him - especially so early on in the relationship.
Last week a bunch of his friends got together with their SOs but I was working. We discussed that he felt hurt that I couldn't make it. I really do love him but I also have other priorities that I am not willing to drop for a relationship. It's tiring for him to keep whining about not seeing me more and how he feels I'm not interested in him. I am desperate to find a solution. I never want him to feel unhappy or unwanted with me. Trying to look at in from an unbiased prospective, I'm wondering if he's right in thinking this way and I need I more available? Maybe you DCUMers can help me! |
Anonymous
| I can not stay in a relationship like this. I just can't. |
Anonymous
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One of the things that women fail to realize is that men have been in previous relationships where that woman has been completely different. Some women love 24/7 texting conversations. Others don't even want one each day.
My point is that men get used to one way of doing things and expect that the woman in their next relationship is going to want it done the same way. And when this next woman does not expect things done in the same way the guy is used to, the guy starts to get insecure and wonder if she is really into him, etc. Can you understand that? |
Anonymous
| I do not have the patience for that. |
Anonymous
| He sounds like a whiner. |
Anonymous
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Lady, you need to move on. It's only been six months, and he's whining and complaining. Yeah, you say you're in love, but I don't really buy that. How can you be in love with someone who is pressuring you and complaining so much? You're posting on DCUM about how you're "desperate to find a solution" when you should be studying or spending time with him or doing whatever. That's not a good sign. IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD!
Break up. Now. |
Anonymous
| He sounds like a complete emotional life suck. Dump him. That kind of emotional neediness and constant need for reassurance gets really old fast and if he is like this now when you are dating it'll get insufferable if you plan on anything long term. |
Anonymous
| How can anyone be turned on by neediness, either in a man or a woman? It's so unattractive. |
Anonymous
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Red flag, Red flag, Red flag!!
He wanted you to move in so he could have more time with you? This is a very common technique that abuser use to trap you--moving things along too quickly and making you financially dependent. Trust me when I say, once you have more time, it won't be enough. You see you friends once a month, pout face and you spend all your time reassuring him that seeing your friends once a month does not mean you don't love him. So you see them once every 2 months, then 3 months, then it's once a year, then never. He will find a way to fill all your time and it will never be enough Run, Run, Run away! |
Anonymous
| Eh, my now DH was clingy and annoying at the beginning of our relationship. He hasn't started confining me to the house yet. I would just tell him everything you wrote here, talk it out, and then going forward ignore any whining or complaining and don't get dragged into a fight. "I'm sorry I can't make it X night, but I'm really looking forward to our plans Y night." This is good practice for having a toddler. Eventually you'll either want to spend more time together and you will, or you won't and it will end. |
Anonymous
| I think he just wants to have sex with you more often not only on weekends and once a week. It's not enough for him probably but he does not know how to address it so he whines. |
Anonymous
Oooooooh what a turn on. I'm sure OP gets all hot and bothered when he's whining. 
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Anonymous
OP here. I do understand that but the same can be said for us females too. It's not just one-sided. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I get you have school OP, but why wouldn't you go to a one time event with everyone?
--Single Mom that guy her PhD while dating |