How do you handle a partner needing constant reassurance?

[Anonymous]

You guys are all full of crap a snap shot of a relationship and you make life changing decisions. This guy could be a great and been involved in crappy relationships in the past and finally found the girl he could spend his life with. You guys call him a whiner and I hear a guy that doesn’t always wants sex and wants to cuddle! You guys need to go and find what she might miss out on because you take a moment of time out of what a relationship takes and screw it up. She needs to use her own thoughts and feelings and make her own dicessions based on that! Get a life morons!

[Anonymous]

Guys want to control, have sex and whine all the time I think you ladies should just say single and enjoy your life! Oh I forgot and ABUSIVE. The internet the great big relationship killer.

[Anonymous]

Who revives a three yr old thread to yell about being called a whiner?

[Anonymous]

It’s a pattern for sure. I couldn’t stand it with those types. Needy. Controlling. Looking for something to control. More than wanting sex. They dog you all day long. Tiring.

He should respect the space you require. Set boundaries. Don’t pick up the phone or txt back immediately.

Find someone with interests apart from a 100% focus on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who revives a three yr old thread to yell about being called a whiner?

Insecure men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who revives a three yr old thread to yell about being called a whiner?

Insecure men.

Or "insecure man." 23:03 and 23:09 are definitely the same dude.

[Anonymous]

He wanted you to move in so he could have more time with you? This is a very common technique that abuser use to trap you--moving things along too quickly and making you financially dependent.

Or, he wants to have a normal monogamous relationship with a woman he’s been with for 6 months, where he sees her every evening instead of a couple nights a week. My girlfriend and I moved in together after 4 months, and I paid the rent because I could and she couldn’t. It’s not being abusive; it’s deciding you’re in this together.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar relationship and very much in love with him too. I understand why though. He's been through a lot, especially when it comes to relationships... not only romantic but familial too. Those sorts of things start to bring people down, no matter who you are. If you love him as you say, just being there and supporting him can be enough. Eventually, when he sees that this is something you're invested in, things will settle. It can help to have a conversation with him, create a safe space to talk about the reasons he may be feeling this way... past or present.

[Anonymous]

The short answer is you don’t handle it, you dump them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were really in love you would want to seem him more often. Its a fact and he knows it.

I agree. Once a week and weekends isn’t that much for someone possibly in love. I don’t think he sounds like an abuser I think he wants a daily relationship. You don’t. Nothing wrong with either. Maybe you can compromise, maybe not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were really in love you would want to seem him more often. Its a fact and he knows it.

I agree. Once a week and weekends isn’t that much for someone possibly in love. I don’t think he sounds like an abuser I think he wants a daily relationship. You don’t. Nothing wrong with either. Maybe you can compromise, maybe not.

That is BS. I was (and still am) madly in love with DH. When we were dating, I was unemployed and had lots of time on my hands, still perfectly happy seeing him Fri night to Sun afternoon or Sat morning to Sun afternoon, and I’d spend the night once during the week. And shockingly—we even would skip every 4th or so weekend and not see each other at all.

Realized one of my problems with previous relationship—they wanted to see me all the f-ing time. It was so draining. I fell even more in love with DH because we both loved spending time together but also loved our alone time. Still like this today (together 11 years, married 10 years), he is my favorite person to hang out with, but still needs time by myself (especially after kids).

OP—the issue isn’t that you have different needs regarding time together and time apart (although that is an issue), it’s that after telling him what’s going on with you he decided to best way to handle it is is whine and use guilt instead of being understanding. This is how he’s going to handle all future disagreements—he will whine and pout until he gets his way. Leave now!!

[Anonymous]

This thread is 5 years old, people.

OP - you still around? What happened with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can not stay in a relationship like this. I just can't.

This. I had one of these in my 20's for 4 years. So glad I ended it. It was going down a bad track.

[Anonymous]

Don’t move in. You are right and smart to maintain your independence. Wait till engagement or marriage to move in.

That said, I don’t think it’s needy to want to see a partner of six months more than on the weekend and once during the week. That would not be enough for me, nor many others.

[Anonymous]

He has an anxious attachment style. Google it.