How do you handle a partner needing constant reassurance?
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Anonymous
She said that she had to work. |
Anonymous
If wrote in my description that I was working. |
Anonymous
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I had a red flag go up when he invited you to move in so early in the relationship.
He is selfish. If you're busy studying for a test tomorrow, you're busy. His appropriate response is "Oh bummer; I'll miss you, but good luck on your test tomorrow!" |
Anonymous
| You're not that in to him. Let him go. |
Anonymous
She said she was working. |
Anonymous
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You're just in different places I life right now. In truth I don't know that there is anything you can do about his neediness because it sounds like you're doing everything you can besides giving up school and your job. I hope that he didn't give you a hard time about choosing to keep your job and not move in with him.
I agree that neediness doesn't always equal abuse but I do understand why the details you've provided raise red flags and have PPs alerted to the potential for abuse or controlling behavior. Even if he's incapable of abuse, as you say, he needs to respect and support your goals and dreams, and your independent nature, and not be threatened by them. You should not have to change yourself for him, or twist yourself into a pretzel to please him, especially only 6 months out. How often do you text/email/talk? |
Anonymous
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It sounds to me as if you and him are at different stages of your life right now and that these stages are not aligned together or even close at the moment.
Going to school and working is tough. This is not forever, you need to do this NOW for you and not let anything get in your way. You must stay on the positive path you are on now, no distractions to mess up your life plan. He is not the bad guy here and neither are you. It just sounds to me like a mismatch because of the difference in life stages at the moment. It sounds like you are trying your best to give this relationship your time and attention, but for him, it is not enough. Unless he can change his ways and understand that you need to focus on your education now, then things will likely fall apart. Love consists of many sacrifices and if he truly loves you, he will wait it out for you. Good luck to you both. |
Anonymous
We talk daily. Usually once a day by phone and then texting a good deal during the day. I love talking to him though. |
Anonymous
| If you were really in love you would want to seem him more often. Its a fact and he knows it. |
Anonymous
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As someone who worked his way through undergrad, I can understand what it is like to literally have zero time for anything but work and school.
Some people in my life didn't understand and got offended, but I truly was overwhelmed. I know it's a cliche to say that you are busy, but some people are much busier than others. |
Anonymous
+1 I'm a guy, and I went through two serious LTRs like this, and it ultimately drove me insane. Once I finally learned my lesson, one of the first things I "revealed" to any dating partner was "I do not want to be joined at the hip". I then very quickly (yes, a test, whatever, fuck it) deliberately did things that basically were "here's me going off and doing stuff alone, sometimes with female friends, sometimes in settings where I could get up to something if I were that kind of guy". Any sings of jealousy, that was the end of it. I don't have time in my life for wasting on dealing with someone else's clingy insecurities. I can't fix their issues for them and any time or energy I have for that kind of mental health improvement should be spent on making myself a better person and partner. DTMFA |
Anonymous
Op here. I do spend time with him. I spend Thursday - Sunday with him and then see him sometimes on a Tuesday after class. That's more than most couples. |
Anonymous
NP here, not the PP you quoted -- if you spend 5 days a week with him and talk to him on the phone daily and text throughout the day, WTF is his problem? You said yourself that you see each other more than most couples do. His level of neediness is not normal. Now you have to decide which you prefer -- constantly reassuring him that you love him and are committed to him even when you see him 5 days a week (during which you have frequent sex) and talk to him multiple times a day, or breaking things off. |
Anonymous
| OP, he is 33, he wants to get married and have somebody to come home too. He is bored by himself at home and maybe does not know how to entertain himself or does not have a busy social life. Maybe he is not sure of your commitment to the relationship, is afraid of wasting his time on you. |
Anonymous
| How old are you, OP? |