Daughter, age 7,afraid of dance recital

[Anonymous]

My daughter has been in a dance program (once a week) all year and they have a recital Saturday. She had s dress rehearsal tonight and freaked out, cried and said she didn't want to do the recital. dH was there so I didn't see it but I've seen here react that way before in a public event or party. They came home early from the dress rehearsal.

This is not surprising behavior, she has been afraid of too much public attention before.

Not sure whether to go to the recital or not? She liked the class all year but it's events like these that she hates and doesn't seem ready for it. Then again, I want her to at least try to go if she can.

Any advice appreciated.

[Anonymous]

She's only 7. I would let her skip it. Not worth traumatizing her. If you're lenient about it, hopefully she'll continue to love dance and as her confidence grows she may become more ready for public recitals. If you force Her to do it and she cries and screams through the whole thing, you'll probably never get her to go to another dance class again. Plus she'll disrupt the recital for the other kids. Take it easy on her, my $.2 cents.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried getting to the real issue behind her fear or dislike? If she thinks everyone will be looking at her, tell her that everyone will be looking at their own chlld so not to worry. Reassure her as best you can. I hate seeing anyone NOT do something they enjoy out of fear.

[Anonymous]

Tell the teacher IMMEDIATELY so she can close the gap on stage and the spacing doesn't look weird.

Take your daughter to WATCH the recital. Tell her "This year you can just watch. Next year, you'll perform."

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp, you should bring her and let her watch and support her classmates. This will show her what it entails and maybe give her more comfort in doing it next time.

Fwiw, I always reacted the same way. In hindsight I realize i was suffering from anxiety, which has followed me my whole life. Now, in my 40s, I finally take a low dose of anxiety med and it has changed my life.

[Anonymous]

Please OP, push her to go!

She has an anxiety disorder. Like all phobias, these can be treated by regular and monitored exposure to what is frightening her.

I had a similar freak out before I had to sing solo in front of the whole school. Same age. My mother and the principal *made* me do it anyway, which was a great thing, because I saw that the world didn't end when I went up there and sang!

As an adult, I have learned to manage my anxiety. Please help her with that, and consult a specialist if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the teacher IMMEDIATELY so she can close the gap on stage and the spacing doesn't look weird.

Take your daughter to WATCH the recital. Tell her "This year you can just watch. Next year, you'll perform."

Oh, you're right. This is a major, major concern with a class of 7 year old dancers.

[Anonymous]

its a normal response. my two DC had their ballet recital recently and while one was excited the other literally hid his costume and then himself in the house the day of it.

Its a commitment and its letting the teacher and all the other kids down to drop out when its been rehearsed.

Mine are 7 and 8 and they understood that. I also had to promise one could drop ballet forever thereafter, and that cinched the deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell the teacher IMMEDIATELY so she can close the gap on stage and the spacing doesn't look weird.

Take your daughter to WATCH the recital. Tell her "This year you can just watch. Next year, you'll perform."

Oh, you're right. This is a major, major concern with a class of 7 year old dancers.

Not the pp you quoted, but the teacher should have a chance to rehearse the dance with the child not there, for the sake of the other kids. If they are used to her being in a certain place or moving at a certain time, it can mess up the other kids if she is suddenly not there. They are probably all a little nervous too, and it is only fair to give everyone advance notice so the dance can be re-blocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell the teacher IMMEDIATELY so she can close the gap on stage and the spacing doesn't look weird.

Take your daughter to WATCH the recital. Tell her "This year you can just watch. Next year, you'll perform."

Oh, you're right. This is a major, major concern with a class of 7 year old dancers.

I'm the one who said that. As a former dancer, I'd have been really pissed at age seven if a kid wimped out of performing. I took my dancing really seriously (I wound up going to LaGuardia for hs) and by the age of seven I absolutely wanted my class's performance to look great. I understand that some kids are just twirling around completely lost, but please understand that some other kids are going home and rehearsing for two hours a day after school because that's fun to them. So yes, OP should talk to the teacher right away about this.

[Anonymous]

Don't make her do it. She'll freeze onstage and hate every minute. Hard for her, hard for you, and probably also hard for the teacher and other students. I really believe that stage fright is to be respected in little kids, so just tell the teacher your DD wants to bail. It's no biggie.

I was at a recital last weekend, incidentally, where a little girl's mom did NOT follow this advice, and her 6-7yo walked out with her arms folded and shoulders hunched, and stood that way the entire performance. Her mother was STANDING in the aisle during her performance, presumably trying to intimidate her into performing, and looked enraged. The dad was also stonefaced. They all stormed out the side door of the auditorium in the middle of the next performance (very distracting for those poor little dancers). Not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in a dance program (once a week) all year and they have a recital Saturday. She had s dress rehearsal tonight and freaked out, cried and said she didn't want to do the recital. dH was there so I didn't see it but I've seen here react that way before in a public event or party. They came home early from the dress rehearsal.

This is not surprising behavior, she has been afraid of too much public attention before.

Not sure whether to go to the recital or not? She liked the class all year but it's events like these that she hates and doesn't seem ready for it. Then again, I want her to at least try to go if she can.

Any advice appreciated.

This will get flamed to the last ash but if you set a precedence for quitting now she will likely follow that pattern. Focus on talking to her about her commitment to the class and how this is the finish line. No matter what happens (even if she freezes, which at that age is not out of the norm) talk up the performance and how proud you are of her. Build her confidence, not her list of excuses to use when life gets tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in a dance program (once a week) all year and they have a recital Saturday. She had s dress rehearsal tonight and freaked out, cried and said she didn't want to do the recital. dH was there so I didn't see it but I've seen here react that way before in a public event or party. They came home early from the dress rehearsal.

This is not surprising behavior, she has been afraid of too much public attention before.

Not sure whether to go to the recital or not? She liked the class all year but it's events like these that she hates and doesn't seem ready for it. Then again, I want her to at least try to go if she can.

Any advice appreciated.

This will get flamed to the last ash but if you set a precedence for quitting now she will likely follow that pattern. Focus on talking to her about her commitment to the class and how this is the finish line. No matter what happens (even if she freezes, which at that age is not out of the norm) talk up the performance and how proud you are of her. Build her confidence, not her list of excuses to use when life gets tough.

I totally disagree (and can manage to do so without "flaming"). Not being an extrovert is not the same as being a "quitter," PP. Some kids like to perform; other prefer to be stage managers, scenery painters, or set builders. The problem is when the latter kind of kid has pushy, competitive parents who try to force this out of them and turn them into the parents' warped version of a "winner." Some people just dislike limelight. It's OK, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in a dance program (once a week) all year and they have a recital Saturday. She had s dress rehearsal tonight and freaked out, cried and said she didn't want to do the recital. dH was there so I didn't see it but I've seen here react that way before in a public event or party. They came home early from the dress rehearsal.

This is not surprising behavior, she has been afraid of too much public attention before.

Not sure whether to go to the recital or not? She liked the class all year but it's events like these that she hates and doesn't seem ready for it. Then again, I want her to at least try to go if she can.

Any advice appreciated.

This will get flamed to the last ash but if you set a precedence for quitting now she will likely follow that pattern. Focus on talking to her about her commitment to the class and how this is the finish line. No matter what happens (even if she freezes, which at that age is not out of the norm) talk up the performance and how proud you are of her. Build her confidence, not her list of excuses to use when life gets tough.

I totally disagree (and can manage to do so without "flaming"). Not being an extrovert is not the same as being a "quitter," PP. Some kids like to perform; other prefer to be stage managers, scenery painters, or set builders. The problem is when the latter kind of kid has pushy, competitive parents who try to force this out of them and turn them into the parents' warped version of a "winner." Some people just dislike limelight. It's OK, PP.

NP
She can absolutely quit after her commitment if fulfilled. Learning to keep your commitments has nothing to do with being an extrovert or introvert. The rule in our home is you can try anything you like, you can quit anything you like, but you see it through.

[Anonymous]

I would make her go to the recital, but she doesn't have to go on stage. That allows her to change her mind if she feels up to it at the last moment but also doesn't put anxiety-producing pressure on her.

I would absolutely tell her teacher that she's struggling because the teacher has probably seen it and has tricks to use to encourage her.