I don't respect my husband

[Anonymous]

He could be doing so much more with his life! He's smart but shy and has self esteem issues and only brings in 70k.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids with him?

Then, too bad. You have to show respect for him regardless of your opinion.

[Anonymous]

Is it about the money, is it about the personality, or is it about the "drive"? Which one of those three, if changed, would make you happy?

Listen, you picked him. I think it's you that needs an attitude adjustment, not him that needs to change.

[Anonymous]

I lost respect for my husband (now ex-) when he prioritized others over his family. He'd bark at a very pregnant me to keep up with him as we took a very long walk to Target one day, but he stopped and bought a bottle of water for a young man who looked like he needed it. He forced me to host a friend for nearly a year, and spent every evening with him instead of his wife and child. He'd come to bed at 11pm each night and wouldn't compromise. I am an academic and had given up that room so that his friend could stay. Our son slept in our room and I went without a space dedicated to my work. H never acknowledged the kindness and berated me for not having better space to accommodate his friend. He hated me when I gave his friend two months notice.

So,...you go ahead and lose respect for your "smart but shy" DH. Just know that there are other reasons some women may have for losing respect of the men they choose as life partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it about the money, is it about the personality, or is it about the "drive"? Which one of those three, if changed, would make you happy?

Listen, you picked him. I think it's you that needs an attitude adjustment, not him that needs to change.

He just generally lacks initiative and drags his feet a lot before all major decisions. It took him a long time to date me, a long time to finally propose to me and now his money issues are hindering my dream of having a house. He's a sweet guy and he works hard but not smart. He doesn't really have a plan.

[Anonymous]

How much do you make?

[Anonymous]

^^^ losing respect FOR the men they choose as life partners.

[Anonymous]

OP could be me wife. Sorry, honey, I wish I made more money. Sorry to wasting so much of my time doing work that's important to me, making time for friends and family close to me, being kind. Totally forgot about what's important.

[Anonymous]

I find OP's post funny since 70K is coincidentally the threshold above which additional money does not seem to correlate with happiness. It seems like her husband is actually working quite smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it about the money, is it about the personality, or is it about the "drive"? Which one of those three, if changed, would make you happy?

Listen, you picked him. I think it's you that needs an attitude adjustment, not him that needs to change.

He just generally lacks initiative and drags his feet a lot before all major decisions. It took him a long time to date me, a long time to finally propose to me and now his money issues are hindering my dream of having a house. He's a sweet guy and he works hard but not smart. He doesn't really have a plan.

YOU picked him. What part of that do you not understand?? He was like this all through dating! He's not going to change. YOU are the one who has changed the game, changed what you want.

Do you have kids?

Your two options are:
- Get out
- Change your attitude/perspective

I don't know anything that will light a fire under someone's ass that is like this. And I say that as someone whose husband is also extremely laid back, slow to make decisions (and I am very Type A personality). My DH makes $85k a year (which by the way, is totally fine because I make slightly more than him and combined it is a great income because we're smart with money, avoid debt, etc). I get it, sometimes you want him to take initiative and go for it and be aggressive. But he's not. And you knew that before you got married. The problem is you, not him. The sooner you can work on your perspective and try to see him in a new light, the sooner your life will improve.

By the way, there have been many times throughout our marriage that I realized "Wow, I am so glad my husband is so stable and predictable and calm. This situation is so much easier because he isn't flying off the handle and trying to run the show while I'm also trying to run it." There is a LOT to be appreciated about a calm, stable, easy-going guy. If you can't do that, get out.

[Anonymous]

She could be my wife too. Sorry I'm working, while you sit at home when you could be working too! Some things in life get accomplished a lot faster when two people are working towards the same goal(s). I'll try to be less shy if you try to be less egotistical!

[Anonymous]

I always love these posts. "Well I knew exactly what he was like before we got married but now I don't respect him". Your poor husband. Women like you are pretty pathetic.

[Cogiteur]

Anonymous wrote:I find OP's post funny since 70K is coincidentally the threshold above which additional money does not seem to correlate with happiness. It seems like her husband is actually working quite smart.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I would suggest you stop putting everything on your husband, and make your own dreams happen. Make your own money and get ahead yourself, if it means that much to you. Cut the husband loose if he has no redeeming qualities to you, or if you love him, consider being supportive and positive, and see if maybe he'll gain more confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He could be doing so much more with his life! He's smart but shy and has self esteem issues and only brings in 70k.

Only brings in 70K?

Ok...so...based on some of your other remarks...is it possible he is A.D.D.?