Reply to I don't respect my husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it about the money, is it about the personality, or is it about the "drive"? Which one of those three, if changed, would make you happy?

Listen, you picked him. I think it's you that needs an attitude adjustment, not him that needs to change. [/quote]

He just generally lacks initiative and drags his feet a lot before all major decisions. It took him a long time to date me, a long time to finally propose to me and now his money issues are hindering my dream of having a house. He's a sweet guy and he works hard but not smart. He doesn't really have a plan.[/quote]

YOU picked him. What part of that do you not understand?? He was like this all through dating! He's not going to change. YOU are the one who has changed the game, changed what you want.

Do you have kids?

Your two options are: 
- Get out
- Change your attitude/perspective

I don't know anything that will light a fire under someone's ass that is like this. And I say that as someone whose husband is also extremely laid back, slow to make decisions (and I am very Type A personality). My DH makes $85k a year (which by the way, is totally fine because I make slightly more than him and combined it is a great income because we're smart with money, avoid debt, etc). I get it, sometimes you want him to take initiative and go for it and be aggressive. But he's not. And you knew that before you got married. The problem is you, not him. The sooner you can work on your perspective and try to see him in a new light, the sooner your life will improve.

By the way, there have been many times throughout our marriage that I realized "Wow, I am so glad my husband is so stable and predictable and calm. This situation is so much easier because he isn't flying off the handle and trying to run the show while I'm also trying to run it." There is a LOT to be appreciated about a calm, stable, easy-going guy. If you can't do that, get out. [/quote]

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