Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?

[Anonymous]

To keep this short. My parents live in florida ( I was born and raised there), so my 2yr old DD has already been to Disney, as well as we know we will be going again probably many times in her life. Living in florida I grew up going often, and personally love Disney. DH never went to disney and his parents always made comments about a "waste" it was. However upon his MIL last visit she mentioned that this year they were looking to take his sister and her two children. Is it wrong to assume on family trips that grandparents pay for they should include ALL grandchildren ( my two as well)? Yes--this is a constant with MIL very much so favoring the other 2 grandchildren, which usually I say nothing about ( other smaller trips, gifts, time spent..etc), however this seems like a bigger trip that should include all. Do i not say anything and let it go --would this upset you, or am I being overly sensitive.

I desperately do want my children to have a better relationship with her other grandparents, when they ask for gift ideas for anything all I ever ask for is for them to come and stay with us and spend time with DD and DS. I am always the one trying to call, face time and keep them "involved" in the kids lives. So yes I will admit part of this is that it sounds like a great/fun trip and I would enjoy it with my children/cousins as a great experience--but the bigger part is honestly just feeling as if we are not included/part of the family.

[Anonymous]

I think it's very possible she thinks she's making up for something that she feels SIL's kids lack. Are you generally better off than them too (or appear to be)?

I don't expect "equal" support financially. Just equal consideration as needed.

[Anonymous]

If you want to build a closer relationship, don't look for reasons to be annoyed. People don't want to spend as much time with family members who try to guilt-trip them or otherwise add drama to their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to build a closer relationship, don't look for reasons to be annoyed. People don't want to spend as much time with family members who try to guilt-trip them or otherwise add drama to their lives.

+1

If people have to walk around on tiptoes around you, it creates a lot of stress and anxiety, and it will make them less and less likely to engage with you, even if it's not a conscious decision.

[Anonymous]

OP--I understand this, and when we had no kids it never bothered me --but when it affects my children and the lack of interest in them, it is hard to not upset me. So i am basically supposed to not care, ignore it and just be chill?

As for the question about better off--my DH and i are in no way rich but we are better off than his sister, so that could be a part of it

[Anonymous]

Can you ask if your family can join up for a few days of the trip?
Obviously you can afford it if you have been multiple times, but that will show you just want to go and are not looking for financial help

[Anonymous]

I have made a conscious and dedicated decision not to keep score within my family and inlaws. It never ends up bringing any good to the table. It just makes people bitter and distant which is what you don't want for your kids. I highly recommend adapting this strategy its very freeing!

[Anonymous]

op here again--also why I asked on an anonymous forum and not say something to them or DH, because wasn't sure if it was my pregnancy hormones or if this is something that is worth discussing. I have not said anything to my inlaws other then to offer to help them plan/offer suggestions when they told us.

[Anonymous]

I would be hurt in the circumstances you describe, because it sounds like this is ongoing. I'm sure the DCUM harpies will descend on this thread shortly telling you that you're not owed anything telling you that your kids are probably brattier than you realize...blah blah blah. But I get that it isn't about the money or Disney, it's about your in-laws relationship with your kids. This dynamic, for whatever reason, happens in a lot of families.

That said, I think you need to let it go. My in-laws aren't kind to my kids or us. I've decided that they aren't worth my energy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To keep this short. My parents live in florida ( I was born and raised there), so my 2yr old DD has already been to Disney, as well as we know we will be going again probably many times in her life. Living in florida I grew up going often, and personally love Disney. DH never went to disney and his parents always made comments about a "waste" it was. However upon his MIL last visit she mentioned that this year they were looking to take his sister and her two children. Is it wrong to assume on family trips that grandparents pay for they should include ALL grandchildren ( my two as well)? Yes--this is a constant with MIL very much so favoring the other 2 grandchildren, which usually I say nothing about ( other smaller trips, gifts, time spent..etc), however this seems like a bigger trip that should include all. Do i not say anything and let it go --would this upset you, or am I being overly sensitive.

I desperately do want my children to have a better relationship with her other grandparents, when they ask for gift ideas for anything all I ever ask for is for them to come and stay with us and spend time with DD and DS. I am always the one trying to call, face time and keep them "involved" in the kids lives. So yes I will admit part of this is that it sounds like a great/fun trip and I would enjoy it with my children/cousins as a great experience--but the bigger part is honestly just feeling as if we are not included/part of the family.

When you write DD and DS, and then say your DD is 2, my assumption is that your DS is younger than 2. Is that right?

Are the other kids also under 3? I can't really imagine taking 4 kids under 3 to Disney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's very possible she thinks she's making up for something that she feels SIL's kids lack. Are you generally better off than them too (or appear to be)?

I don't expect "equal" support financially. Just equal consideration as needed.

This would be my first thought as well. Not OP, but I assume the same thing when it comes to unequal financial support from my ILs as well. You have a right to be annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be hurt in the circumstances you describe, because it sounds like this is ongoing. I'm sure the DCUM harpies will descend on this thread shortly telling you that you're not owed anything telling you that your kids are probably brattier than you realize...blah blah blah. But I get that it isn't about the money or Disney, it's about your in-laws relationship with your kids. This dynamic, for whatever reason, happens in a lot of families.

That said, I think you need to let it go. My in-laws aren't kind to my kids or us. I've decided that they aren't worth my energy!

OP here- Thank you for your response. I think you , and as someone else said are correct and i just need to stop trying as hard on my end/putting energy into it---and as Elsa said, Let it go. I won't mention any annoyance to DH or inlaws. I grew up very close to both sides of my grandparents and feel I have probably been trying to create something for my own children that may not naturally be meant to be. Just wish it was easier to care less, but I guess i have to start somewhere.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be mad because Im old enough to know theres no such thing as a free lunch. If I took a "free" trip from my inlaws I would pay for it MANY times over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have made a conscious and dedicated decision not to keep score within my family and inlaws. It never ends up bringing any good to the table. It just makes people bitter and distant which is what you don't want for your kids. I highly recommend adapting this strategy its very freeing!

Not OP, but any tips on how to do this? I try to do the same....but it's so hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To keep this short. My parents live in florida ( I was born and raised there), so my 2yr old DD has already been to Disney, as well as we know we will be going again probably many times in her life. Living in florida I grew up going often, and personally love Disney. DH never went to disney and his parents always made comments about a "waste" it was. However upon his MIL last visit she mentioned that this year they were looking to take his sister and her two children. Is it wrong to assume on family trips that grandparents pay for they should include ALL grandchildren ( my two as well)? Yes--this is a constant with MIL very much so favoring the other 2 grandchildren, which usually I say nothing about ( other smaller trips, gifts, time spent..etc), however this seems like a bigger trip that should include all. Do i not say anything and let it go --would this upset you, or am I being overly sensitive.

I desperately do want my children to have a better relationship with her other grandparents, when they ask for gift ideas for anything all I ever ask for is for them to come and stay with us and spend time with DD and DS. I am always the one trying to call, face time and keep them "involved" in the kids lives. So yes I will admit part of this is that it sounds like a great/fun trip and I would enjoy it with my children/cousins as a great experience--but the bigger part is honestly just feeling as if we are not included/part of the family.

When you write DD and DS, and then say your DD is 2, my assumption is that your DS is younger than 2. Is that right?

Are the other kids also under 3? I can't really imagine taking 4 kids under 3 to Disney.

I am actually pregnant ( due any day) with DS--so i added him into my post== as yes he would be about 6 months and DD would be 3. The ticket for baby would be free and actually quite easy to take a baby to disney and the 3 year old I know would enjoy it ( she loved it at 2, imagine even more at 3 )