Inlaws Paying for Other grandchildren/sister in law to go to disney---Am annoyed, would you be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP--I understand this, and when we had no kids it never bothered me --but when it affects my children and the lack of interest in them, it is hard to not upset me. So i am basically supposed to not care, ignore it and just be chill?

As for the question about better off--my DH and i are in no way rich but we are better off than his sister, so that could be a part of it

Oh god honey, you need to drop this. It will only make you crazy. My MIL has never interacted with our kids. She takes herstep daughtsrs and their kids to Disney once a year. Than God we opted out. I am NOW grateful since I have not seen her in four years.

I am free to do want I want when my spouse takes to the kids to her visit without me. I get a break. They get reality check and we never discuss it. It is what it is.

Happy to be free.

[Anonymous]

Shuffling around a disney park with two old people, 4 adults,
And a 5, 4, 3, and 6 month old sounds like one of Dante's circles of hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH actually brought this up this evening to me as it upset him. As this is an anonymous forum i do appreciate some of the suggestions- but others not as much-dcurban what did I expect .

As I was trying to be short in first post and subsequent as to not over share and to the point I obviously left out 10 years of history and other factors--this is a continued theme with his parents.

Disney and the fact that it is in my prents backyard most likely swayed this-and I agree with the pps who said to not mention it to them and I plan not to as well as the ones who said letting it go and not caring is the way to go- which I am working on.

But others obviously are either quick to judge or blessed with a family dynamic that is never frustrating or causes you to maybe not be the best version of yourself. Even as annoying as I found some of the responses Im glad I got to sort thru this here anonymously so when DH brought up his frustrations to me I actually used some of the comments from here to help.

In talking with DH tonight I got to hear him out which in turn helped me understand where my initial reaction came from.

Thanks for those who commiserated and offered some nice suggestions-I got a resolution I feel good about.

I love people like the OP who post on this forum, and then sound pissed off that posters didn't agree with them or criticized them. If you aren't able to handle both positive and negative feedback from an anonymous message board, then don't post here!

Yes, I have to agree with this sentiment. As far as posts go, the responses on this thread were mild, did someone attack OP and I missed it? They may not have all agreed with her, but most were explaining why they did not and were trying to be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH actually brought this up this evening to me as it upset him. As this is an anonymous forum i do appreciate some of the suggestions- but others not as much-dcurban what did I expect .

As I was trying to be short in first post and subsequent as to not over share and to the point I obviously left out 10 years of history and other factors--this is a continued theme with his parents.

Disney and the fact that it is in my prents backyard most likely swayed this-and I agree with the pps who said to not mention it to them and I plan not to as well as the ones who said letting it go and not caring is the way to go- which I am working on.

But others obviously are either quick to judge or blessed with a family dynamic that is never frustrating or causes you to maybe not be the best version of yourself. Even as annoying as I found some of the responses Im glad I got to sort thru this here anonymously so when DH brought up his frustrations to me I actually used some of the comments from here to help.

In talking with DH tonight I got to hear him out which in turn helped me understand where my initial reaction came from.

Thanks for those who commiserated and offered some nice suggestions-I got a resolution I feel good about.

OP, everyone does not have to have the exact same situation to be empathetic and understanding, most of the responses were trying to be helpful, just because they did not necessarily agree you were being slighted does not mean that they were not understanding. Sometimes the thing we need to hear the most, is the thing we want to hear the least. Think about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shuffling around a disney park with two old people, 4 adults,
And a 5, 4, 3, and 6 month old sounds like one of Dante's circles of hell.

Oh My Yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shuffling around a disney park with two old people, 4 adults,
And a 5, 4, 3, and 6 month old sounds like one of Dante's circles of hell.

Snort. We went to the Magic Kingdom with my FIL, who has prostate issues, a 6 yo and newly potty trained 3 yo twins. We basically just lurched from one bathroom to another. I can't tell you how many times we were in line when someone had to go. Fun times!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH actually brought this up this evening to me as it upset him. As this is an anonymous forum i do appreciate some of the suggestions- but others not as much-dcurban what did I expect .

As I was trying to be short in first post and subsequent as to not over share and to the point I obviously left out 10 years of history and other factors--this is a continued theme with his parents.

Disney and the fact that it is in my prents backyard most likely swayed this-and I agree with the pps who said to not mention it to them and I plan not to as well as the ones who said letting it go and not caring is the way to go- which I am working on.

But others obviously are either quick to judge or blessed with a family dynamic that is never frustrating or causes you to maybe not be the best version of yourself. Even as annoying as I found some of the responses Im glad I got to sort thru this here anonymously so when DH brought up his frustrations to me I actually used some of the comments from here to help.

In talking with DH tonight I got to hear him out which in turn helped me understand where my initial reaction came from.

Thanks for those who commiserated and offered some nice suggestions-I got a resolution I feel good about.

I love people like the OP who post on this forum, and then sound pissed off that posters didn't agree with them or criticized them. If you aren't able to handle both positive and negative feedback from an anonymous message board, then don't post here!

And I "love" people like you who think that a poster should have to swallow all advice received for her post, and have no emotion about it. Just because op doesn't agree with your response does not mean she shouldn't have posted. Usually there is a lot more to a poster's story than what they can fit in their post. Not op, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Op here again. As I said on page two and multiple times thanked everyone for the responses. It's like at work I agree constructive criticism is that---constructive. However there were a few people who were getting snarky, calling me jealous, to get over myself..etc etc. I guess as they were the minority should not have mentioned them--in case people can't tell this was my first time posting here so I do have some to learn.

I am serious when I say thank you--if I hadn't posted here and seen the feedback and different viewpoints I really think I would have made a mountain out of a molehill.

I had already sent my MIL information on tips/best rides for kids in the age group, and just sent her some more this morning while letting her know she could ask me for any questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever, OP. Like 90% of PPs were very helpful and kind.

You, however, only found one PP who completely agreed with you helpful?

I can see why your in-laws don't want to spend time with you or your family. I wouldn't either.

Wow you're a peach! Just clarifying in case anyone else had as poor reading comprehension as you do --I said pps as in multiple were helpful, which I said many times-- I only said some were not- assuming you fell in that category.

Thanks, I know I'm a peach.

And no, I gave you helpful advice (just not exactly what you wanted to hear, which was apparently "you are right and you should feel betrayed and your in-laws are wrong!") and now I feel like a schmuck for wasting time on someone who is fundamentally disinterested in hearing any viewpoint in which she is not the center of the universe.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they want to discover it without you telling them this and that and being the jaded "expert" with this thing you have done so many times before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it wrong to assume on family trips that grandparents pay for they should include ALL grandchildren ( my two as well)?

It's definitely wrong for you to think that any time grandparents get together with some of their grandchildren that it's a "family trip." Now, if they invited everyone but only paid for some, that's a different matter. But this is a trip with one set of grandchildren, not all of them.

You're in for a world of misery if you spend too much time comparing how the grandparents treat their sets of grandchildren. The kids are different ages (including a 6-month old--if grandparents think Disney is borderline a waste, they definitely would think it a waste for an infant!). The kids might be different genders. The kids might live at different distances from the grandparents. Some of the kids are children of their daughter, versus their son. One set of kids might have wealthier parents. One set of kids has other grandparents right by Disney! (Maybe inlaws might think it would be interfering to offer a trip to your parents' backyard?)

I don't know if you'll succeed in helping your kids have a better relationship with your inlaws than they currently have, but trying to squeeze your way into a trip they planned is definitely not the right way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shuffling around a disney park with two old people, 4 adults,
And a 5, 4, 3, and 6 month old sounds like one of Dante's circles of hell.

I think there isn't a BIL, which explains some of the tension between OP's family and SIL's, IMO.

[Anonymous]

I think the in laws probably think that it is too big of a group. taking four kids to Disney is a nightmare. Two is bad enough. And four that are not all the same ages = worse. they won't be able to do the same things so half of them will be unhappy or unable to do things waiting for the others. What a disaster. taking the two older ones is much more manageable.

Your kids are too young for a group Disney thing and will slow everyone down. by themselves, sure, it's just their day that gets messed up when they are slow and crabby.

If I was your ILs I would be seriously pissed if you invited yourselves along. So rude!

And FWIW, my ILs live in Florida and basically support my SIL and her two kids. They buy them everything and take them to Disney, activities, whatever. I never say a word because I sure wouldn't want to be SIL, she's a lunatic.

[Anonymous]

If your MIL feels like SIL's child has less than your kids - which may or may not be true - she's free to offer things to SIL's children. I understand that it's annoying, but really try not to be annoyed and assume good intentions - like she's trying to even things out. Your kid has already been, the other has not.

The only wrong your MIL did, IMO, is letting you know that she's paying for the other kid's trip. If you are going to try to compensate for different incomes amongst family, it's best not to rub it people's faces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. My MIL does SO much more for my SIL and her daughter -- she has bought them a laptop or tablet every year for the past 5 years, pays for trips for them, even drives 5 hours to stay with them at least every couple of months because SIL needs MIL to deep-clean her bathrooms and "give her a break" for a week or so during which MIL cleans, cooks, co-sleeps with my niece, and generally does everything so SIL can take a vacation from responsibilities.

Meanwhile, she lives 10 minutes from us and has never offered to help with anything since the baby was born. Gifts are crappy things from Home Shopping Network that we literally usually throw directly into the garbage.

But what are you gonna do? Maybe you seem more functional than the other family. Maybe you seem to have more money, and they're just trying to, in their mind, level the playing field by helping another set of grandkids see Disney, since yours will be Disney regulars.

Giving kids the exact equal treatment isn't always fair either. Why should kids who go to Disney every year anyway get another trip to Disney, when the other family never gets to go? I'm not saying it's okay or feels good, but please just let it go. Appreciate what you have and focus on what you can control.

I'm in a somewhat similar situation, except ILs live near SIL, and we live a few hours away. We hardly see ILs anymore, because they are ALWAYS looking after the other grandchildren (SIL is a mess). It sucks. I'd like more face-to-face time for my own children. The money thing is another whole issue.