Why do you "slut shame?"

[Anonymous]

I am wondering what leads people - and especialy women that I read in this forum - to "slut shame." Do you think we still hold a double standard with regards to the sexual behavior of women? Is this fair? How do you raise a "sex positive" daughter in such a toxic environment?

[Anonymous]

I don't slut-shame, but if a friend is constantly sleeping with dudes and then getting upset when they don't call her afterward, I might question her as to why she lets that happen? I'm not anti-sex. I think that if you're out for sex, then have at it. But if you're out for a relationship and having a guy not call you makes you feel bad, then no-strings-attached sex may not be for you.

Bottom line: I want my friends to be happy. Not sad, not depressed, not feeling insecure or upset because some dude banged them and didn't call afterward.

(I might slut-shame if a friend has a history of knowingly sleeping with married dudes. But I would absolutely slut-shame the married dudes, too.)

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP regarding friends and I'm the same way- that's not so much about sex as it is about knowing what you can and can't handle and not making the same mistakes again and again.

I think some women slut shame because they can't imagine another woman viewing sex differently than they do, unless they are severely damaged or something is "wrong" with them. Their way has to be right because it's their way, so they'll justify that however they need to.

Most men I've seen who slut shame women are jealous because they aren't the type of guys who women want to sleep with, so they are trying to spread some misery around.

Plus, as we've seen on this site, some people love to judge/look down on/think less of others for absolutely ANYTHING, and sex is just one more thing they use to achieve that sad goal.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy. I'm not in favor of slut shaming - for guys, I think it's extremely counterproductive. Seems like encouraging sex would be in guys' best interests.

I do not, however, appreciate women who use their sexuality to manipulate people for purposes other than having sex with them. (I don't appreciate men who do this either - but it seems to be less of a phenomenon.)

[Anonymous]

Jealousy. Women hate women who guys love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy. Women hate women who guys love.

PP here. It is jealousy on the male end too. Insecure betas hate women who they can't have.

[Anonymous]

Male dominated societies been dictating what women can/can't do and should/shouldn't do since day one. Like any other group in power they absolve themselves while chastising others for the same crimes. When Amazon societies come into being maybe slut-shaming will be no more.

[Anonymous]

You are how you live. Might as well own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male dominated societies been dictating what women can/can't do and should/shouldn't do since day one. Like any other group in power they absolve themselves while chastising others for the same crimes. When Amazon societies come into being maybe slut-shaming will be no more.

I don't agree with this. I think women are as bad or worse than men. They tend to forget their own questionable choices and take issue with the choices other women make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy. Women hate women who guys love.

Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male dominated societies been dictating what women can/can't do and should/shouldn't do since day one. Like any other group in power they absolve themselves while chastising others for the same crimes.

Oh the irony is overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male dominated societies been dictating what women can/can't do and should/shouldn't do since day one. Like any other group in power they absolve themselves while chastising others for the same crimes. When Amazon societies come into being maybe slut-shaming will be no more.

I don't agree with this. I think women are as bad or worse than men. They tend to forget their own questionable choices and take issue with the choices other women make.

Just speculating based on anecdotal data, but my sense is that in male dominated societies, the groups who are most likely to slut shame are men in power and women generally. I think it has something to do with the women generally trying to gain access to the men in power. The bulk of the men, who are fairly powerless themselves, don't much engage in slut shaming and don't benefit much from the control exercised over women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are how you live. Might as well own it.

What does that mean though? If you have a lot of sex, is that in and of itself a bad thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't slut-shame, but if a friend is constantly sleeping with dudes and then getting upset when they don't call her afterward, I might question her as to why she lets that happen? I'm not anti-sex. I think that if you're out for sex, then have at it. But if you're out for a relationship and having a guy not call you makes you feel bad, then no-strings-attached sex may not be for you.

Bottom line: I want my friends to be happy. Not sad, not depressed, not feeling insecure or upset because some dude banged them and didn't call afterward.

(I might slut-shame if a friend has a history of knowingly sleeping with married dudes. But I would absolutely slut-shame the married dudes, too.)

THIS. If a friend repeatedly, over the course of years, makes poor choices with men (as evidenced by the fact that she is unhappy with the outcomes of the choice) then I have in the past suggested that they make different choices.

I'm certainly not the morality police, if you're OK with their choices and they are working out for you then I'm happy for you. BUT when I'm getting a late-night, panicked, teary call to come pick you up because a hookup went wrong/you got sexual with someone you shouldn't have, I would be a pretty shitty friend to not suggest that perhaps these hookups should be happening with different/other/fewer people.

[Anonymous]

I was slut-shamed once, by a pack of single divorced moms. I am mid-40s, single, never married, no kids. These divorced women seemed to imply I have lived my life like a slut, and they are better than me for having been married and divorced.

Women slut-shame other women to control the "sex" men get. Women don't want to compete with other women, especially those who will have sex with a man without expecting him to "put a ring on it" every time.