What if my sister wasn't really stillborn? How to research?

[Anonymous]

I am aware that I sound crazy, but here it goes...

My mom had a stillborn a few years before I was born, but I always had a feeling that she was still out there. I think one reason I've always been suspicious is that my mom was very healthy. She birthed a 10 pound baby before the stillborn and two breech babies after. Also, my parents were extremely distrustful of that hospital. Even though it was right down the street, my parents would always drive 45 miles to the next hospital instead. They never said why they refused to go there. Makes me wonder what happened there. AND I recently heard about a hospital in the same region that allegedly sold babies after telling the parents it died. So that really got me thinking about it.

How would I go about researching this? I don't even know the date of birth. My parents do not like talking about it so I hate to ask them.

[Anonymous]

Let it go

[Anonymous]

Being healthy has nothing to do with it. I am super healthy and had a natural birth with one baby before giving birth to a stillborn baby.

You'd give the birth certificate/death certificate to a PI and let them work the case.

[Anonymous]

Your starting premise is that a perfectly healthy mother who has given birth to a perfectly healthy baby is highly unlikely to have a stillborn birth.

False premise.

Find something else to occupy your time and energy.

[Anonymous]

There is a chance you could be right. However, if you are correct in your hunch, what will you do with the information? Keep it to yourself? Inform your parents? Inform the sibling? You could possibly alter many people's lives, and maybe not for the better. Ask yourself if the possible fallout is even worth the trouble.

[Anonymous]

This is a distraction you've fabricated. What is/are the real issues in your life that you're not dealing with? Loneliness? Not sure what you want to do with your life? Low self-esteem?

Deal with reality.

[Anonymous]

OP, every birth is an entirely separate medical event. Every baby involves a different baby with a different combination of genes and a distinct medical history. The only tie that I see here is that your mom had two breech births -- which would, in fact, make it MORE likely that she had a medically complicated birth at some time. Breech babies have a higher mortality and morbidity. Your mom probably was super healthy. So what? What does that have to do with anything? Healthy women give birth to unhealthy babies all the time. And unhealthy women to healthy babies. That's the irony of special needs, and I'm speaking as a special needs mom. It's hard for me sometimes to understand why I have a disabled child when I had a "perfect pregnancy" and yet drug-addicted moms have "normal" kids....but let's not go there.

I really think you are grasping at straws, probably because everyone feels a piece of themselves is missing.

[Anonymous]

Was your sister buried? If so, maybe it would help to make this more real for you if you could visit her grave.

[Anonymous]

I think stillbirths happen more frequently than we know. It's not talked about by most people.

Did your mother have your sister vaginally? Depending on the decade she was born, they may not have known beforehand. I think hiding a baby who's alive during a vaginal birth would be very difficult. They kick during labor and cry soon after coming out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a distraction you've fabricated. What is/are the real issues in your life that you're not dealing with? Loneliness? Not sure what you want to do with your life? Low self-esteem?

Deal with reality.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Maybe the baby was disabled and the parents gave her up for adoption or to live in a home because of that?

[Anonymous]

My sister had a twin who we were always told was stillborn. When I was doing family research, I could locate a death certificate for the twin. The reason was he never died.
It turns out they were a preemie birth back in the 60s. I guess there must have been complications at birth that led everyone to believe that the other twin would have had serious problems. She was placed in some sort of foster care and then eventually adopted. I didn't go further than that with the research because I felt it didn't mater. I wasn't going to seek her out.

My parents died years ago so there was no way to go back and ask. My siblings nor other relatives have ever talked about the situation leading me to believe that none of them really know what happened. My other sibling would have been a very young toddler at the time and my parents were living away from family so I doubt anyone questioned the story of the other twin being stillborn. I would guess that my parents were just overwhelmed at the time and the advice of the doctors was likely well meaning and they just felt they couldn't deal with a child who would have issues as well as taking care of two other kids under the age of 2 especially back then when resources were more limited.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you want to seek your brother out. This is weird. I would be doing everything I could to find my brother. You could hire a geneology service to help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister had a twin who we were always told was stillborn. When I was doing family research, I could locate a death certificate for the twin. The reason was he never died.
It turns out they were a preemie birth back in the 60s. I guess there must have been complications at birth that led everyone to believe that the other twin would have had serious problems. She was placed in some sort of foster care and then eventually adopted. I didn't go further than that with the research because I felt it didn't mater. I wasn't going to seek her out.

My parents died years ago so there was no way to go back and ask. My siblings nor other relatives have ever talked about the situation leading me to believe that none of them really know what happened. My other sibling would have been a very young toddler at the time and my parents were living away from family so I doubt anyone questioned the story of the other twin being stillborn. I would guess that my parents were just overwhelmed at the time and the advice of the doctors was likely well meaning and they just felt they couldn't deal with a child who would have issues as well as taking care of two other kids under the age of 2 especially back then when resources were more limited.

WOW, speechless. Your writing is very matter of fact, but I hope that you have peace with this information and/or are handling it. What a incredible finding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you want to seek your brother out. This is weird. I would be doing everything I could to find my brother. You could hire a geneology service to help you.

Why? You'd have nothing in common but blood.