S/o Female Madonna/Whore Mentality

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who can't take a freaky/promiscuous man seriously as a significant other?

I am a freak myself. I like a lot of fringe things and am as horny as they come. And yet, the men I meet who match me kink for kink turn me off as partners because they are dirty to me. I realize that I am the female equivalent of men who have a madonna/whore mentality. If a man can meet my sexual desires, then immediately, I look down on him and he becomes too depraved in my eyes to meet my family and be the father of my children. There was one guy I was dating who seemed very usptanding, but boring. He noticed I was bored and started waving his freak flag. Immediately, our sex life got way better, but then I started looking for someone else to date seriously while keeping the other guy as fuck buddy.

I have spent the last two years with a man who was very inexperienced and stiff in bed with not much of a libido (5-7 minutes and he's down for the count). He bores me sexually, but I respect him as a man. I actually tried to get him to participate in some of my kinks and when he was turned off, I knew he was the one for me long term. I am probably going to marry him and I will be faithful too because I don't believe in cheating. I just kind of laugh at how weird I am about men.

I wonder what causes this kind of mentality in both men and women.

[Anonymous]

I had no problem with promiscuous men and preferred a man who had sown his oats to one who hadn't. Being up for almost anything sexually was a requirement for me in a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had no problem with promiscuous men and preferred a man who had sown his oats to one who hadn't. Being up for almost anything sexually was a requirement for me in a partner.

Then this isn't the thread for you, is it? You're not addressing what OP is talking about.

[Anonymous]

DH and I match with our level of kink. I'm so incredibly fortunate. Dh has a decent number in his past, I have more. Dh is the most incredible Person I've ever met, would have married him even if he was vanilla. Just really lucked out that we match in that area so well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had no problem with promiscuous men and preferred a man who had sown his oats to one who hadn't. Being up for almost anything sexually was a requirement for me in a partner.

Then this isn't the thread for you, is it? You're not addressing what OP is talking about.

Actually, it is. She asked a question and I answered it without saying her point of view was wrong or anything else insulting.

[Anonymous]

I am in a real pickle because I am tempted to introduce DH to some new things, but if he takes to them, then I am worried my feelings for him will change. I just can't help side eying men who share my proclivities.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Do any of you with freaky DHs wonder about them at all? Like a man who is super horny and has fringe tastes really be faithful. When I was single, I met many, many high libido men whose wives swore they were 100% faithful and yet, they were banging hookers, trannies, everything on the side.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP is simply projecting her feelings of self-loathing onto prospective partners. She's got these qualities/tendencies that in her own words equate herself with a whore, but she accepts it as just "who she is".
But then she turns around and absolutely despises the same qualities/tendencies if she sees them present in someone she's dating and refuses to accept it in others as just "who they are".

1/2 of the Western world needs therapy.

[Anonymous]

Freakiness and responsibility don't have to be mutually exclusive. You are wrong in making the assumption that they are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP is simply projecting her feelings of self-loathing onto prospective partners. She's got these qualities/tendencies that in her own words equate herself with a whore, but she accepts it as just "who she is".
But then she turns around and absolutely despises the same qualities/tendencies if she sees them present in someone she's dating and refuses to accept it in others as just "who they are".

1/2 of the Western world needs therapy.

The funny thing is that I really do accept myself. I do not feel any guilt about my proclivities and I never have. Even as a child, I knew I was different from the other kids and I was totally comfortable with that. But you are right, I can't accept the same tendencies in men.

I am not trying to change this about myself.

I am just curious about why I feel this way and if there are others who feel this way too. Usually, men are the ones who have such madonna/whore mentalities. You don't really hear about women having the same mentality towards men.

[Anonymous]

^^ That was me, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a real pickle because I am tempted to introduce DH to some new things, but if he takes to them, then I am worried my feelings for him will change. I just can't help side eying men who share my proclivities.

-OP

I thought he was not you DH, just the man who might one day become your DH? Your story is inconsistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do any of you with freaky DHs wonder about them at all? Like a man who is super horny and has fringe tastes really be faithful. When I was single, I met many, many high libido men whose wives swore they were 100% faithful and yet, they were banging hookers, trannies, everything on the side.

I don't, because I know people who are highly experimental and very sexual but are not okay with lying to or cheating on people. They feel comfortable with who they are but they recognize its not for everyone, so they aren't trying to trick anyone into being with them if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a real pickle because I am tempted to introduce DH to some new things, but if he takes to them, then I am worried my feelings for him will change. I just can't help side eying men who share my proclivities.

-OP

I thought he was not you DH, just the man who might one day become your DH? Your story is inconsistent.

Technically, we are not married. I know he is the one though. It is just a matter of planning the wedding. I call him my husband all the time and I think of him as such.

[Anonymous]

^^That was me, OP, too. Keep forgetting to identify myself.