Repeating kindergarten at same school - need advice /perspective

[Anonymous]

Our DS is currently in kindergarten in private school. He has a late August birthday, as does his older brother. We didn't hold either of them back. DS is extremely social and socially aware, but he isn't retaining the concepts taught for reading, writing, etc. He also has a hard time answering questions after a story has been read to the class. The teachers literally have to feed him the answers. He tends to not listen to much of our reading at home, either. When meeting with his teachers and learning about all of this, I asked if they'd ever hold him back. Originally, they said they rarely, if ever, do that, but now they're saying they would bc he's so young and they believe he'll benefit from another year. They think that he could have attention issues, but they're not sure and think a year will help us to determine if this is a maturity issue, attention issue or some kind of learning disability.

Has anyone here ever had their child repeat kindergarten at the same school where he sees his buddies move up to first grade? We're afraid of how this will affect him. I believe he could use the extra year, but also believe that his social success is important as well.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I don't think that in kindergarten, a child should be expected to learn to read or write.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DS is currently in kindergarten in private school. He has a late August birthday, as does his older brother. We didn't hold either of them back. DS is extremely social and socially aware, but he isn't retaining the concepts taught for reading, writing, etc. He also has a hard time answering questions after a story has been read to the class. The teachers literally have to feed him the answers. He tends to not listen to much of our reading at home, either. When meeting with his teachers and learning about all of this, I asked if they'd ever hold him back. Originally, they said they rarely, if ever, do that, but now they're saying they would bc he's so young and they believe he'll benefit from another year. They think that he could have attention issues, but they're not sure and think a year will help us to determine if this is a maturity issue, attention issue or some kind of learning disability.

Has anyone here ever had their child repeat kindergarten at the same school where he sees his buddies move up to first grade? We're afraid of how this will affect him. I believe he could use the extra year, but also believe that his social success is important as well.

Thanks!

We did it. We have the same thing, a DS with an August birthday. It was recommended to us at the end of K but we wanted to go through 1st which is more academic, longer days etc to really see where he was. At the end of 1st we asked them to repeat it. He was so young in that many of his friends were 12 months older, he was anxious about not getting things done as quickly as the others or as accurately. It has really helped him to have that little bit of extra time to find his way into things academically. He's now finishing 2nd grade in private school with all A grades and a great sense of achievement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that in kindergarten, a child should be expected to learn to read or write.

Here is the OP's question: Has anyone here ever had their child repeat kindergarten at the same school where he sees his buddies move up to first grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DS is currently in kindergarten in private school. He has a late August birthday, as does his older brother. We didn't hold either of them back. DS is extremely social and socially aware, but he isn't retaining the concepts taught for reading, writing, etc. He also has a hard time answering questions after a story has been read to the class. The teachers literally have to feed him the answers. He tends to not listen to much of our reading at home, either. When meeting with his teachers and learning about all of this, I asked if they'd ever hold him back. Originally, they said they rarely, if ever, do that, but now they're saying they would bc he's so young and they believe he'll benefit from another year. They think that he could have attention issues, but they're not sure and think a year will help us to determine if this is a maturity issue, attention issue or some kind of learning disability.

Has anyone here ever had their child repeat kindergarten at the same school where he sees his buddies move up to first grade? We're afraid of how this will affect him. I believe he could use the extra year, but also believe that his social success is important as well.

Thanks!

We did it. We have the same thing, a DS with an August birthday. It was recommended to us at the end of K but we wanted to go through 1st which is more academic, longer days etc to really see where he was. At the end of 1st we asked them to repeat it. He was so young in that many of his friends were 12 months older, he was anxious about not getting things done as quickly as the others or as accurately. It has really helped him to have that little bit of extra time to find his way into things academically. He's now finishing 2nd grade in private school with all A grades and a great sense of achievement.

OP, here - did your son repeat 1st at the same school, though? The repeating to me is not the issue, it's more of the social implications of seeing his friends move up and not being with them.

Thanks!!

[Anonymous]

My kid has an early Sept birthday - so most of his class from last year went to (public) K's last year. His school has a K program, so we did that for no credit, since he doesn't meet the age cutoff.

We didn't push for early entrance to K because we saw him having some issues focusing on work, and didn't want to stress it. This year - new class, new teachers, and the issues we had are gone. I think part of the problem he had was getting stuck in a rut with teachers that would happily sit down with him and give him 1:1 attention to do worksheets or whatever if he didn't do it when the rest of the class did. I wish I'd noticed more last year and pushed for changes.

So - would your son be in the same class with the same teachers? I would recommend a different school (or class) if you can, because I do think that kids and teachers fall into ruts and have limited sets of tools. A change in environment could help a lot, or let you see that it's just an issue he has that you'll need to work on (attention, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that in kindergarten, a child should be expected to learn to read or write.

Here is the OP's question: Has anyone here ever had their child repeat kindergarten at the same school where he sees his buddies move up to first grade?

+1

[Anonymous]

OP,

I taught K and first grade. This is a tough call. I don't know your son so I really cannot give advice. I do believe it could be a maturity thing--but, I think I would have him privately tested to see if there are other issues. If the school is recommending that he repeat, I think they should test him--but it is a little late in the year for that.
I personally think that an August birthday is a good candidate for repeating. Does he seem mature in other ways? Does he fit in with his friends?

Now, to your other question. Years and years ago, I taught a child who was repeating first grade In the same school. He was extremely tall for his age--he actually had a brother in fifth grade who was shorter than he was. However, he was a very skinny child.

He was thrilled to be in first grade again! I attribute this to his parents. I wish I could tell you what they did, but I do know that it was presented to him as a very positive thing. He was a delight. He would brag --"Oh, I remember doing this last year in first grade." He was enthusiastic. He was happy. Perhaps, it was relief.

I am not saying this would happen with your son, but I do suggest that if you repeat him that you present it in this manner.

Frankly, with K as academic as it is these days, I would recommend repeating K rather than first. However, if it is an Learning problem, he might get help more quickly in first grade. If not, I really think I would repeat K.

[Anonymous]

OP here - our son would NOT be in the same class with the same teachers, although I would love for him to be as we absolutely adore his teachers. He'd be in a different class.

Our son fits in perfectly with his friends, socially. He's a really popular kid - cute, entertaining, a lot of fun, sporty, hilarious. But, that being said, he's also immature in some ways - like with attention, some of his behaviors, being able to sit still for long periods of time. The school, and a psych., told us NOT to formally test him b/c at this age it's very easy to test "average". The school gave him one of the standardized reading/recognition tests and he did, in fact, test average. But, he had to take a lot of breaks. He also isn't as interested in learning as others. He just wants to play, build, have fun. He doesn't try and work problems out - he gives up. So, we're not sure if this is a maturity issue or a learning issue, but we think only time will tell. Again, I really don't care about the repeating aspect of things, it's more the social. He's in love with all of his friends and I think it would be truly heartbreaking for him not to be in class with them, on the playground with them, etc. next year. That being said, I'm not willing to push him ahead to first grade if he's going to flounder b/c that will ultimately set him up for failure. I just want to connect with parents who have repeated their kids in the SAME school to see how the kids reacted, did, etc.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Gee, OP, it sounds as though your son would have been a great candidate for redshirting. It also sounds like he is a typical five year old who has been put into a very structured environment. I am the K teacher who posted earlier. My point was that the parents presented the retention to their son as a very positive thing and he reacted in kind. However, your son sounds a little more mature than the one I had in my class. He was extremely naïve.

It is rare these days for kids to repeat grades and I think you will have a hard time getting someone with that experience to respond to you on this forum. Years ago, it was not uncommon. I know my cousin repeated second grade, and I'm not sure it helped her academically. She's a bright person, and I suspect that today she would have been diagnosed with a learning disability. However, she turned out fine. She redshirted her son (May birthday), so I'm not sure she thought it was a bad thing to repeat.

In this instance, if you think you can present it to your son as a very positive move, it probably would work. However, controlling what other kids (his friends) say and do may not be so easy. Does he have friends younger than he is? That might help.

Also, FWIW--my son was a lot like yours. He is grown now and doing fine. He was not a late birthday and went to school "on time". Frankly, he lived to play (he's doing fine as an adult, but he does still like to play!) He graduated from a good college--though certainly not a top tier college. Conversely, DD who was an outstanding student and went to a very competitive college is also fine--and, you know, they are both happy and doing well--but I wish I had been more laid back when he was not working as hard in school as I would have liked.

If your goal is for him to be at the top of the class, retention may or may not help. There is a place in this world for the "average" child and some of them are more successful than others. If keeping up is a struggle--then that is a different story.

[Anonymous]

Thanks to the teacher. I totally agree. I should have red shirted him, but when we asked his teachers last year they saw no need to. We didn't do it with our other son as he's doing great, academically, but he's a bit socially immature. Our goal is def not for our DS to be at the top of the class, we just want to make sure that he's not struggling academically and that he's able to keep up which is something that is a real concern. I'm so sad that this isn't done anymore as I don't want him to be the oddball. I don't think the kids, at this age, would make fun of him or say rude things. He's in a religious private school where the classes are small and the families know one another. Im truly concerned about his self esteem and feeling sad about his friends. I just don't want it to effect him negatively, forever...

[Anonymous]

I just don't want it to effect him negatively, forever...

OP, if the teachers think it is a good idea, then I would probably do it. Present it as a positive thing--and that he will get to make lots of new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DS is currently in kindergarten in private school. He has a late August birthday, as does his older brother. We didn't hold either of them back. DS is extremely social and socially aware, but he isn't retaining the concepts taught for reading, writing, etc. He also has a hard time answering questions after a story has been read to the class. The teachers literally have to feed him the answers. He tends to not listen to much of our reading at home, either. When meeting with his teachers and learning about all of this, I asked if they'd ever hold him back. Originally, they said they rarely, if ever, do that, but now they're saying they would bc he's so young and they believe he'll benefit from another year. They think that he could have attention issues, but they're not sure and think a year will help us to determine if this is a maturity issue, attention issue or some kind of learning disability.

Has anyone here ever had their child repeat kindergarten at the same school where he sees his buddies move up to first grade? We're afraid of how this will affect him. I believe he could use the extra year, but also believe that his social success is important as well.

Thanks!

We did it. We have the same thing, a DS with an August birthday. It was recommended to us at the end of K but we wanted to go through 1st which is more academic, longer days etc to really see where he was. At the end of 1st we asked them to repeat it. He was so young in that many of his friends were 12 months older, he was anxious about not getting things done as quickly as the others or as accurately. It has really helped him to have that little bit of extra time to find his way into things academically. He's now finishing 2nd grade in private school with all A grades and a great sense of achievement.

OP, here - did your son repeat 1st at the same school, though? The repeating to me is not the issue, it's more of the social implications of seeing his friends move up and not being with them.

Thanks!!

Hello OP.Yes it was the same school and the friends from his first 1st grade classroom were only 2 or 3 rooms away. They all saw each other at recess, lunch and at the end of the day. There were no problems. He was sad initially not to be with them in class, as were they, but he knew one girl in the new class (who had been with him in K and had repeated K) who he really liked, and he made a very good friend in the new class who is a bright boy with similar interests.

There wasn't a problem socially other than the initial feeling of starting with a room full of new faces - but each grade mixes the classes anyway so he may have been in a room of 25 where only 5 were from his original class anyway.

It seemed like a gamble worth taking. His 2nd 1st grade teacher was a lot more nurturing generally than the first one who had been going through a lot of personal issues which distracted her and meant she missed a lot of school days. The 2nd teacher was stable, kind, a clear instructor, took no prisoners with any bad behavior and never shouted at anyone. It paid off and his confidence increased.

The fear of course is that you discover its a mistake and you cannot back track. Its whether its a gamble worth taking. There is no social stigma when they are in K or 1st grade, its only when they get older and perhaps see people "kept back" by the school that it seems more problematic for them.

I hope this is a little helpful.

[Anonymous]

I have to say that he sounds a lot like my dd who was diagnosed with ADHD in first grade. If it were me, I would have him evaluated. My dd was not held back, and I remember meeting with her preschool, K and first grade teachers all with concerns. She won't sit still for circle time, she moves around on the rug, she is behind in reading, she won't complete her worksheets in class. Through all this, my dd was a social, happy child, but all of her teachers thought she was "immature." Holding back my dd wouldn't have helped because the ADHD follows her along. I will also say that a K student in my school was held back because of similar problems, and he was also diagnosed with ADHD later. His mom now regrets holding him back. She said that after the diagnosis, she was able to get a lot of extra help for her son, and that he should not have been retained.

So again, consider having him evaluated. You can do it at this age. If they suspect ADHD, then I personally would not retain him in K. Move him along, but give him the supports he needs. My dd had extra reading help and lots of other supports along the way that have been invaluable for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say that he sounds a lot like my dd who was diagnosed with ADHD in first grade. If it were me, I would have him evaluated. My dd was not held back, and I remember meeting with her preschool, K and first grade teachers all with concerns. She won't sit still for circle time, she moves around on the rug, she is behind in reading, she won't complete her worksheets in class. Through all this, my dd was a social, happy child, but all of her teachers thought she was "immature." Holding back my dd wouldn't have helped because the ADHD follows her along. I will also say that a K student in my school was held back because of similar problems, and he was also diagnosed with ADHD later. His mom now regrets holding him back. She said that after the diagnosis, she was able to get a lot of extra help for her son, and that he should not have been retained.

So again, consider having him evaluated. You can do it at this age. If they suspect ADHD, then I personally would not retain him in K. Move him along, but give him the supports he needs. My dd had extra reading help and lots of other supports along the way that have been invaluable for her.

I agree! You need to know why he isn't doing as well as you would like before you make an educational decision. The reason kids aren't held back very often is that there is little evidence that it does any good for the child. There may not be a too much of a stigma, but later on he will know that he was different in some way in kindergarten that caused his parents/school to hold him back. Maybe most people wouldn't be bothered by this, but some would.

I would only hold him back if you have reason to believe that doing so will change his education in a positive way long term and not just make first grade a little easier.