11-yo DS Felt "Bullied" Last Day at Camp - WWYD?
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Anonymous
| when our sitter picked up DS at end of camp last week, she found him playing basketball by himself but was also crying and visibly upset. the sitter forgot to tell us about it until yesterday when we saw her again. DS told her a boy purposely knocked over his water bottle multiple times when they both were waiting for pickup. DS asked him to stop to no use, but he didn't tell a counselor. DS never mentioned it to us either, though I know he'd equal this as being bullied by the kid - he's going to middle school next year and has been anxious about bullies in the new school. We believe he's trying to handle his feelings and emotions on his own, and we feel his old enough to do this, however I am also curious how he felt when it happened and what he'd learned from this experience. Would you bring it up and discuss with him? To make sure he handled it 'properly?' |
Anonymous
| I would reassure him that it was a one off thing and that within the context of school, this kind of behavior won't be tolerated by the teachers / administrators. Make sure he is okay of course. He needs to know you've got his back. |
Anonymous
| I think it's worth role-playing this scenario with him. Take turns with someone being "the bully" and him being him and vice versa. Role play speaking up to the bully "Hey, stop that!" and so forth and role play going to a caring adult that he likes. Discuss and dissect until he feels comfortable. Make it fun; you can even invent various characters and side roles. |
Anonymous
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I think I would try to find a way to bring up assertiveness in the face of obnoxious behavior in a general conversation. Maybe talk about something that happened to you and how you decide when to just walk away and when to stand your ground. Both are good options at times. I'd make sure your son knows that and have a general discussion about how to recognize when a situation requires help from adults and how to get it.
I wouldn't focus too much on the water bottle incident and I would not label it bullying. Perhaps bring it up in this larger context and ask if he thinks he did the right thing in that context. Let's face it, we all have to face some a=holes pretty regularly. We learn to avoid them, ignore them and stand our ground when necessary as the circumstances dictate. |
Anonymous
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I think role playing is a good idea.
But am I off course to think that this behavior wasnt actual bullying? Sure the kid was doing something that your son didn't like. Maybe he was just being obnoxious and thought he was being silly. I see bullying as a repeated act, and somewhat damaging to a child. I was heavy as a kid, and even when a boy in middle school called me a fat a$$, I would have called it mean, but not bullying because it was only one time My kids are younger than yours, op, and it kills me when someone is mean to them, but as much as I want them to stand up for themselves, I also want them to be resilient and not let every mean kid tear them to pieces. We talk a lot about letting things roll off your back, like a duck. My daughter is extremely sensitive, and used to cry at the drop of a hat. She's better now, and we allow her to have feelings of course, but acknowledging every mean act as bullying actually diminishes the name bully. If everyone cries bully when someone else is mean to them, then the counselors and teachers will stop running when there IS actual bullying. Not forgiving the boys behavior, but just something to think about. |
Anonymous
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Um that's ridiculous and he needs to toughen the hell up, and fast. Someone KNOCKED OVER HIS WATER BOTTLE A FEW TIMES. This should not even be a blip on the radar.
Your kid didn't move his water bottle so it couldn't be reached? Squirt the other kid with water? Knock over that kid's water bottle? The other kid was probably playing around and your kid was too dense to grasp that. Your kid IS going to be bullied if he has this attitude that he's a victim. Kids smell fear like that. |
Anonymous
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I felt that my kids overused the word bullying in elementary school, when sometimes they were referring to kids just being mean. (This wasn't actual incidents directed toward them, but just talking about it.) I think it's important for them to know the difference between bullying and kids just being mean on occasion, as well as how to deal with those incidents.
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Anonymous
+100000. |
Anonymous
I agree that this doesn't actually sound like bullying to me either. I also agree with 11:34, though I think this PP puts it more gently! The kid knocked over your son's water bottle. Agree that it sounds more just like he was being a pain, not necessarily bullying your kid. |
Anonymous
I have an 11 year old boy, and these were my thoughts exactly. This is nowhere near bullying...it's just an 11 year old boy being obnoxious (which is 99% of being an 11 year old boy). Just tell your kid that if someone is being a jerk/annoying, ignore it. |
Anonymous
Yes exactly. |
Anonymous
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Yes, the other boy was just being a jerk/annoying.
Yes, it's still worth role playing how to deal with it to give your kid more confidence, since he obviously was a little undone by it. Some kids are more sensitive than others. Telling some kids to just "toughen up" or move on and consider it a blip in their day is not helpful for SOME kids. Just as for some adults, a small kerfuffle at the office may be a big deal. |
Anonymous
Neither of the bolded is acceptable behaviour. Also, it's not the kid's job to move the bottle so it can't be reached. It's the other kid's job to leave other people's property alone. OP, why didn't your child go to an adult in charge? That is what he should have done after the second time the bottle was knocked over. And the adult in charge should have issued a consequence for the other kid, because you leave other people's property alone. That's just basic manners. |
Anonymous
PP is way off. My guess she doesn't have boys this age. Just imagine if an adult had to interven everytime a waterbottle got tipped over. You need your child to be more self-reliant than this advice suggests. He will very soon be in middle school. Adults do not constantly suprvise middle schoolers or intervene in water bottle disputes. Your focus should be on empoweing your son to handle this sort of behavior himself. |
Anonymous
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thanks all. guess i will bring this up with him soon. he's probably doing a good job avoiding known jerks at school but this one took him by surprise.
btw i don't think this is bullying, that's why i double quoted it. but DS most likely thought/felt it was - he's still learning what is/isn't. |