11-yo DS Felt "Bullied" Last Day at Camp - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that the underlying text to your question is: do you think that teachers and school administrators are going to give two shits about bad behaviour?

If they don't, they should. If they don't have time to, something needs to be fixed.

Had I been the person who kept knocking down someone else's water bottles, in my day and age I would have gotten a note written by a teacher in my planner, and I would have had to bring it back signed by a parent the following day. Which meant that one of my parents would have known and would have disciplined me for behaving badly at school. Back then, getting a note by a teacher in your planner was a big deal.

Seriously, it doesn't take that long to tell a child: "I'm going to write a note in your planner saying that you did x, y, z. Hand me your planner now. Bring it back signed by a parent tomorrow. Next time, you'll be sent to the office."

If a teacher doesn't have time to do that, something is wrong with the system.

You're cute. A note from the teacher saying a water bottle got knocked over?!? My point is that teachers and administrators have much BIGGER problems to deal with than a water bottle. And if your kid doesn't have the ability to deal with inter-personal conflict without running to mommy at 11, something is wrong with how you're raising them. I'd argue that this is exactly why you SHOULDN'T homeschool your kids- you want them to learn how to do this at 18?!?

In what Pollyanna world do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that the underlying text to your question is: do you think that teachers and school administrators are going to give two shits about bad behaviour?

If they don't, they should. If they don't have time to, something needs to be fixed.

Had I been the person who kept knocking down someone else's water bottles, in my day and age I would have gotten a note written by a teacher in my planner, and I would have had to bring it back signed by a parent the following day. Which meant that one of my parents would have known and would have disciplined me for behaving badly at school. Back then, getting a note by a teacher in your planner was a big deal.

Seriously, it doesn't take that long to tell a child: "I'm going to write a note in your planner saying that you did x, y, z. Hand me your planner now. Bring it back signed by a parent tomorrow. Next time, you'll be sent to the office."

If a teacher doesn't have time to do that, something is wrong with the system.

You're cute. A note from the teacher saying a water bottle got knocked over?!? My point is that teachers and administrators have much BIGGER problems to deal with than a water bottle. And if your kid doesn't have the ability to deal with inter-personal conflict without running to mommy at 11, something is wrong with how you're raising them. I'd argue that this is exactly why you SHOULDN'T homeschool your kids- you want them to learn how to do this at 18?!?

In what Pollyanna world do you live?

The note would say that the bottle got knocked over repeatedly on purpose, after the kid was asked respectfully by the bottle owner to stop touching his property.

Would it really not bother you that your children can't leave other children's things alone? Would you not want to know that they lack the basic courtesy to do so? I would. And there would be consequences to that, because I know that's a lesson I'm working to instil. There would be lost privileges, lines to write, possibly grounding if it was a repeat issue.

And by the way, I despise Pollyanna.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um that's ridiculous and he needs to toughen the hell up, and fast. Someone KNOCKED OVER HIS WATER BOTTLE A FEW TIMES. This should not even be a blip on the radar.

Your kid didn't move his water bottle so it couldn't be reached? Squirt the other kid with water? Knock over that kid's water bottle?

The other kid was probably playing around and your kid was too dense to grasp that. Your kid IS going to be bullied if he has this attitude that he's a victim. Kids smell fear like that.

Neither of the bolded is acceptable behaviour.

Also, it's not the kid's job to move the bottle so it can't be reached. It's the other kid's job to leave other people's property alone.

OP, why didn't your child go to an adult in charge? That is what he should have done after the second time the bottle was knocked over. And the adult in charge should have issued a consequence for the other kid, because you leave other people's property alone. That's just basic manners.

PP is way off. My guess she doesn't have boys this age. Just imagine if an adult had to interven everytime a waterbottle got tipped over. You need your child to be more self-reliant than this advice suggests. He will very soon be in middle school. Adults do not constantly suprvise middle schoolers or intervene in water bottle disputes. Your focus should be on empoweing your son to handle this sort of behavior himself.

PP you're quoting. No, my son isn't that age yet, but I am teaching him that if someone annoys him and that person doesn't stop after he says "Leave me alone" or "Stop", he needs to go to the adult in charge for help.

If he ever squirted water on another kid or messed with another kid's property in retaliation, then he'd be facing a consequence for that.

Would you really be OK with your child behaving like that (meaning squirting water on another kid/messing with their property)? if you do, then we are on completely different pages.

Yeah. But I have a 9 yr old and a 12 yr old, and I know kids this age play around all the time. When my 12 yr old was 10, we were outside on a hot day, and I asked if I could throw my cup of water in her face. She said yes. I jokingly yelled, "You bitch!" and threw it in her face. She laughed, and it was fine. An 11 yr old would be labeled a crybaby if they went to a counselor/teacher to say "Larlo keeps knocking over my water bottle!" And they'd be labeled that BY THE TEACHER. Not just by the kids.

PP you're quoting.

You've just given me one more reason I'm glad we homeschool: my children and I won't have to deal with teacher labelling them in a disrespectful way. Hint: a good teacher does not label *at all*.

And, frankly speaking, I am glad we'll be out of the USA at the end of the year tops. Some people's attitudes here are unbelievable.

If you want to tell them I'm welcome to go back where I came from, feel free to. I'm counting down the days myself.

and here's a great example of how immature it seems when an adult stomps out of the room

[Anonymous]

An 11 yr old would be labeled a crybaby if they went to a counselor/teacher to say "Larlo keeps knocking over my water bottle!" And they'd be labeled that BY THE TEACHER. Not just by the kids.


PP you're quoting.

You've just given me one more reason I'm glad we homeschool: my children and I won't have to deal with teacher labelling them in a disrespectful way. Hint: a good teacher does not label *at all*.

Well, you are free to school your kids however you see fit. But in the working world, bosses and coworkers don't like employees who are always complaining and don't make an effort to deal with a problem themselves before going to someone else to fix it. Generally, adults don't like to be friends with other adults who act that way either. Look, if the kid makes a reasonable effort to ignore it or move away and the other child pursues or escalates, then by all means go to an adult. But by age 11, this is something that a kid needs to take a stab at on his own first.

[Anonymous]

There are many ways the water-bottle knocking-over scenario could have played out so that it could have been a petty incident or it could have been real meanness and aggravated assholery. We weren't there.

And, the point is, if it bothered and upset OP's son, teaching him strategies to deal with it is worthwhile. Demeaning OP's son as oversensitive and a crybaby -- how does that help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many ways the water-bottle knocking-over scenario could have played out so that it could have been a petty incident or it could have been real meanness and aggravated assholery. We weren't there.

And, the point is, if it bothered and upset OP's son, teaching him strategies to deal with it is worthwhile. Demeaning OP's son as oversensitive and a crybaby -- how does that help?

That.

[Anonymous]

I was taught to stand up to bullies. Beat the shit out of a bully infront of everyone and the rest learn to leave you the fuck alone. I personally got into a fight with the quarterback of my high school football team over a locker my first day of 10th grade. He threw me into a chain link fence probably 10 times but I came up swinging every time . Took 3 teachers to pull me off of him. I consider that a win for a 15 year old 110 pound girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, does your son play on any organized sports teams? Just curious, because this is very common behavior in locker rooms and on practice fields--kids that age and older do this sort of thing constantly to each other. Often to the kids they like. (Boys are weird. )

I'm not saying this to excuse the other child's behavior, I'm just genuinely curious. Both of my DSs play on a couple of travel sports teams, and by 10 or so I learned to stay away from the field and locker rooms as the behavior drove me nuts. But they both were sensitive when younger, and they developed thick skin fast.

Yeah, I wondered also if he was an only child, because kids get lots of practice dealing with sibling teasing and annoyances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many ways the water-bottle knocking-over scenario could have played out so that it could have been a petty incident or it could have been real meanness and aggravated assholery. We weren't there.

And, the point is, if it bothered and upset OP's son, teaching him strategies to deal with it is worthwhile. Demeaning OP's son as oversensitive and a crybaby -- how does that help?

I don't think anyone said OP's kid is a crybaby- I certainly did not. Some PPs were advising that kids should go to adults/teachers to intervene for what (IMO) is a minor incident between kids. Kids who repeatedly run to teachers for intervention in such matters do get labeled as such. It doesn't make it right but that's reality. Do you work with any chronic victim/martyr types? Do you think work supervisors appreciate someone who's in their office for petty disagreements or do they get a reputation as the office PIA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was taught to stand up to bullies. Beat the shit out of a bully infront of everyone and the rest learn to leave you the fuck alone...

but is this what the schools are teaching kids how to handle bully problems nowadays? There's nothing wrong with kids who are following strict directions from the counselors/teachers. Too bad if adults get annoyed by kids asking for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was taught to stand up to bullies. Beat the shit out of a bully infront of everyone and the rest learn to leave you the fuck alone...

but is this what the schools are teaching kids how to handle bully problems nowadays? There's nothing wrong with kids who are following strict directions from the counselors/teachers. Too bad if adults get annoyed by kids asking for help.

This.

Nowadays, you get in trouble if you defend yourself from someone who attacks you.

This is totally insane and makes no sense, but that's the situation.

This is one of the reasons why adults in charge need to get off their behind and enforce rules and consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nowadays, you get in trouble if you defend yourself from someone who attacks you.

This is totally insane and makes no sense, but that's the situation.

This is one of the reasons why adults in charge need to get off their behind and enforce rules and consequences.

Bullshit. A kid isn't going to defend himself if physically attacked. Also, if a kid is physically attacked they should be able to defend themselves- adults aren't always around to intervene, especially if it happens off school grounds. Unless your MS kid won't be allowed to go somewhere besides home and school unsupervised.

Back to the OP's example- his WATER BOTTLE was knocked over a couple times. No physical altercations, no threats, no actual bullying. These small disputes are when kids need to resolve themselves instead of running to an adult every time. Because if your kid always complaining about how Little Johnny kicked over his water bottle, it diminishes instances of REAL bullying and threatening behavior. How is this so hard to understand? Do you honestly think teachers just sit on their ass all day? That's a pathetic mindset to have- I hope you don't share it with your kids- its sure to encourage them to respect their teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nowadays, you get in trouble if you defend yourself from someone who attacks you.

This is totally insane and makes no sense, but that's the situation.

This is one of the reasons why adults in charge need to get off their behind and enforce rules and consequences.

Bullshit. A kid isn't going to defend himself if physically attacked. Also, if a kid is physically attacked they should be able to defend themselves- adults aren't always around to intervene, especially if it happens off school grounds. Unless your MS kid won't be allowed to go somewhere besides home and school unsupervised.

Back to the OP's example- his WATER BOTTLE was knocked over a couple times. No physical altercations, no threats, no actual bullying. These small disputes are when kids need to resolve themselves instead of running to an adult every time. Because if your kid always complaining about how Little Johnny kicked over his water bottle, it diminishes instances of REAL bullying and threatening behavior. How is this so hard to understand? Do you honestly think teachers just sit on their ass all day? That's a pathetic mindset to have- I hope you don't share it with your kids- its sure to encourage them to respect their teachers.

^A kid isn't going to get into trouble for defending himself if physically attacked.

[Anonymous]

OP here with quick update,

i finally had a chance to bring this up with DS last night as we're looking at summer camp options so i asked him if he wanted to tell me about the soccer camp incident. according to him, they were at the cafeteria waiting to be picked up, and this kid told him to remove DS' water bottle from his spot, and DS replied 'just a second' but didn't do it right away, so the kid just knocked the bottle to the floor. DS picked it up, put it back on the table but on the other side, near where DS' friend was sitting. so this kid reached over and knocked it over again. DS asked him to stop, picked it up and put it back on the table yet it got knocked away again. So DS just left and went to play basketball in tears. didn't go to an adult either. he said he wanted to try the techniques learned from school/karate but was too upset to execute them.

a tough lesson, but one that has to be learned, i guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with quick update,

i finally had a chance to bring this up with DS last night as we're looking at summer camp options so i asked him if he wanted to tell me about the soccer camp incident. according to him, they were at the cafeteria waiting to be picked up, and this kid told him to remove DS' water bottle from his spot, and DS replied 'just a second' but didn't do it right away, so the kid just knocked the bottle to the floor. DS picked it up, put it back on the table but on the other side, near where DS' friend was sitting. so this kid reached over and knocked it over again. DS asked him to stop, picked it up and put it back on the table yet it got knocked away again. So DS just left and went to play basketball in tears. didn't go to an adult either. he said he wanted to try the techniques learned from school/karate but was too upset to execute them.

a tough lesson, but one that has to be learned, i guess.

Thank you for the update. The first thing I thought of when reading this is to change the bolded "ask him to stop" to "what the fuck is your problem?!?" with the f-word optional. It sounds like the kid was intentionally being a dick and your son just needs to learn to be a little more assertive and confident.