Sexual Harrassment at work - LONG
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Anonymous
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#1 I apologize for the length. #2 I am not a troll. As I am reading what I type I agree it seems like it is made up (I wish it were). This is why I am posting here. I am in shock. All of my work friends are either in my dept or in HR so I am wracking my brain thinking about who I can talk to about this IRL.
One of the admins in my unit came to talk to me about a sexual harassment situation with one of my colleagues. She reports directly to me. He is a level below me, but does not report to me. He is married with kids (not that it really matters from a harassment perspective but morally it makes the situation that much worse). He is from an office in another country and was visiting our DC office for a month. It seems the harassment has been going on for at least two weeks. He left this weekend and she intentionally waited until he was gone to tell me. I really wish she hadn't. It is a classic case, he has authority over her (though she reports to me, he is part of the team therefore it was not completely out of line for him to assign her small duties), he is older than she is, and he used physical intimidation. While he did not threaten her job, he did tell her not to tell anyone about the encounters and kept either inviting her to his office, or going to her office under the guise of work, but he would always ask her to close the door and sit or stand close to her. Each time she spurned his advances but he was quite persistent. Inviting her out for drinks, asking her to cancel plans to spend time with him. She never spent time with him outside of work, never said yes to his offers to come over to his corp. apt for drinks or to go out for drinks. She is very new to our company (3 weeks), she didn't realize it wasn't his first time in the US. We also have another colleague visiting from the same office and it was her first time in DC. I think the she assumed it was both their first times visiting DC. She mentioned that when they first spoke she offered to tell him fun places to visit while he was here. She is concerned he misunderstood her intentions. She is very young and enthusiastic but I have no reason to believe she was suggestive in any of her encounters with him and once she got the feeling her wanted something unseemly she shut him down and made up excuses for why she couldn't see him outside of work. He asked for her mobile number several times and she always said no. On the last day he came to her office, knowing her officemate was on leave, he closed the door, sat next to her and kept asking her out. He asked her to pick up her phone and give him her number. She finally caved and gave it to him. He What’s Apped her and demanded that she read the message and reply. He then asked her if she had another picture as her profile pic is one from when she way 3 or 4. As she was telling me the story it just made my skin crawl. She does not want to go to HR with this. I told her if he emails or contacts her through What’s App, to notify me ASAP. Even if it seems work related. I also told her if she continues with us and he comes back to DC I will have to speak with him. I cannot let this happen again. Here is my dilemma, I want to respect her privacy but I had another admin come to me last week to tell me this same guy told her that her work was all moving to his office and asked her what she was going to do. She spent the night worried she was losing her job until she came in to speak to me the next day. I believe he is up for a promotion this year and I can’t stand the thought of someone with such poor people management skills (on top of his other work issues) moving up. Please note the way our company works his getting a promotion has no impact on me. We would simply be peers. I lose nothing through his promotion (in case any of you think this is a jealousy thing). He has two young women working with him in the other office. They do not report to him but he is the highest ranking team member in that office. They are both young and I worry about what is going on there. I will be travelling to that office next month. I plan to check things out with my own eyes. Do I just keep an eye on things for now (which is the way I am leaning) or do I need to report this guy. The young woman is looking for a permanent job at our company and I understand she does not want to be embroiled in a sexual harassment case. I've have seen a lot of things in my 16 years with this company but this is simply the worst. |
Anonymous
| Really. No comments. This is the most opinionated group I "know" I really thought I would get some good feedback/advice. |
Anonymous
| I would think you would be required to report it to HR. |
Anonymous
| There's no good feedback/advice. Exposing harassment always causes problems for the victim. If she doesn't want to go to HR, and it seems she doesn't, then there isn't much you can do. It's almost always easier to just find a new job than battle a harasser on their own turf. |
Anonymous
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OP, your post has only been up for an hour!
Is there any way you can talk with your friends in HR and not mention names, just to get a first take? I find it really frustrating that the person won't talk to HR. She's really tied your hands. What exactly can she expect if there isn't some kind of actual communication to HR? I understand that she doesn't want to be involved in a lawsuit, but it might just be enough for HR to quietly talk to this person (and also the other two women from the other office) and then basically give this guy a "warning". Essentially-- we've had complaints, you are on notice to knock it off. We will be watching and if there are any further issues, we will take this further and this could impact your job. HR Bitch, thoughts? |
Anonymous
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I think you should convince her to report it to HR. If she is so new to the company, she is probably worried about repercussions. Do you know anyone else who has reported harassment and how it was handled? Maybe that would reassure her.
Would she be persuaded by the "we need to make sure it doesn't happen to someone who's not as strong as you" argument? |
Anonymous
| Also, I think the idea of finding out for her of there is an informal complaint process. Some companies have multiple options. |
Anonymous
| I think you are considerate to be concerned about the other women he works with but unless they come to you or report an issue I don't think you should open that can of worms. |
Anonymous
| OP, not only would I encourage her to report all this to HR, but, I would additionally let HR know, in writing, that she came to you, and you advised her to speak to HR immediately. Look at the entire situation as if the young lady was your daughter. Dude, grow a pair and report him. |
Anonymous
| I would speak to HR about this not divulging the victim's name. Ask HR what they can do and/or options for her. |
Anonymous
awesome. because what someone who's being harassed really needs is that sort of emotional manipulation. "well, kids, she's obviously vulnerable, it might just work!" |
Anonymous
OP here. Thanks PPs. I am going to reach out to my friends in HR and see what I can't find out about the process. We also have an ombudsman which might be a better place to start, as opposed to a formal HR complaint. Thanks for that idea. My concern with the other women is that I don't want this to be a situation where we don't report, or delay reporting and it turns out they were also being harassed. This office is in a country where hierarchy is important so if it is happening to them, they are likely to keep it to themselves. It is more likely to be reported in DC. |
Anonymous
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Advising you in this situation is very hard because what is best for your employer/workplace (nailing this bastard to the wall) might harm this young woman's career or embroil her in serious difficulties.
When I was in my early 20s and just a couple of years out of law school, I had a partner literally grab my breast. I didn't tell on him or even tell him off. I just escaped and kept my mouth shut because I had six-figure debt and no one to help me if I lost my job. If someone had told for me, I would have been very upset because I needed that job. I kept my mouth shut, kept the job, paid off my debt, and got the hell out of dodge. Some women who hear my story feel that I was cowardly, but taking one for the team is overrated. Unless you can guarantee she will not be retaliated against, stigmatized, or exposed in ways that will make her uncomfortable on the job, I am not sure that it is right (from the perspective of what is right for this particular woman) for you to tell. |
Anonymous
Is she currently an employee at your company or at a temp agency? |
Anonymous
My thoughts exactly! Please don't try to push her into reporting. |