Fear of losing them to the other coast...

[Anonymous]

DD will be a senior next year and is talking about college. Her first choice is Stanford, second choices are Occidental, University of Southern California and two of the Claremont Colleges. I harbored hope that her safety school would be on the east coast but yesterday she came home talking about Mount Saint Mary's (in LA) as her safety!!!

While we saved for her entire life for her to have this choice and I support her going away to school -- but I don't know anyone whose child graduated from a California school who came home after graduation.

Is this a concern for anyone else? DD is our one and only.

[Anonymous]

Let her go, Mom. It's time. You did a great job to have a kid confident enough to strike out on her own like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her go, Mom. It's time. You did a great job to have a kid confident enough to strike out on her own like that.

Thanks but it isn't about "letting her go" to college -- it is the fear that she'll be gone for good. Looking down the road, I don't want to be a long-dstance grandmother!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD will be a senior next year and is talking about college. Her first choice is Stanford, second choices are Occidental, University of Southern California and two of the Claremont Colleges. I harbored hope that her safety school would be on the east coast but yesterday she came home talking about Mount Saint Mary's (in LA) as her safety!!!

While we saved for her entire life for her to have this choice and I support her going away to school -- but I don't know anyone whose child graduated from a California school who came home after graduation.

Is this a concern for anyone else? DD is our one and only.

She is supposed to do this. You're supposed to let her go. Relax and be happy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her go, Mom. It's time. You did a great job to have a kid confident enough to strike out on her own like that.

Thanks but it isn't about "letting her go" to college -- it is the fear that she'll be gone for good. Looking down the road, I don't want to be a long-dstance grandmother!!!

When she has kids, if she's still in CA, move to CA.

[Anonymous]

DD went to one of the Claremont Colleges and did leave LA after graduation -- but she didn't come home. She got a great job in Chicago and moved right after graduation. Oy...

[Anonymous]

She might stay for a bit after graduating but it seems
Like most females move back to their hometown. Id encourage her to go now since she clearly wants the west coast experience. Otherwise she may try to move there for grad school then she will have networks, connections and possibly meet a hubby! Mount Saint Mary's is a surprising safety school for LA. Has she looked into LMU? Fantastic school right on the water

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might stay for a bit after graduating but it seems
Like most females move back to their hometown. Id encourage her to go now since she clearly wants the west coast experience. Otherwise she may try to move there for grad school then she will have networks, connections and possibly meet a hubby! Mount Saint Mary's is a surprising safety school for LA. Has she looked into LMU? Fantastic school right on the water

I'd have her look at Pepperdine, too. The most beautiful campus I have ever seen - it is in Malibu and overlooks the ocean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might stay for a bit after graduating but it seems
Like most females move back to their hometown. Id encourage her to go now since she clearly wants the west coast experience. Otherwise she may try to move there for grad school then she will have networks, connections and possibly meet a hubby! Mount Saint Mary's is a surprising safety school for LA. Has she looked into LMU? Fantastic school right on the water

I'd have her look at Pepperdine, too. The most beautiful campus I have ever seen - it is in Malibu and overlooks the ocean.

Yes but not much of a "safety" and is very strict. Ha I don't think we are helping OP by suggesting other fabulous west coast schools!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might stay for a bit after graduating but it seems
Like most females move back to their hometown. Id encourage her to go now since she clearly wants the west coast experience. Otherwise she may try to move there for grad school then she will have networks, connections and possibly meet a hubby! Mount Saint Mary's is a surprising safety school for LA. Has she looked into LMU? Fantastic school right on the water

I'd have her look at Pepperdine, too. The most beautiful campus I have ever seen - it is in Malibu and overlooks the ocean.

Yes but not much of a "safety" and is very strict. Ha I don't think we are helping OP by suggesting other fabulous west coast schools!!!

For a kid whose reach is Stanford and middle is Occidental and Claremont - both Pepperdine and Mount Saint Mary's are safety schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her go, Mom. It's time. You did a great job to have a kid confident enough to strike out on her own like that.

Thanks but it isn't about "letting her go" to college -- it is the fear that she'll be gone for good. Looking down the road, I don't want to be a long-dstance grandmother!!!

I wish I could have you talk with my mother. I'm her one and only, and I went a state away for college and have never moved back to my home state. In fact, I've lived all over the country and traveled abroad for months at a time. We're a short flight or long drive away from each other now. I'm pregnant with my second.

My parents always told me that I should do or be whatever I wanted so long as I was happy and could support myself, and, by God, they stuck to it, even when my life has taken some unexpected twists and turns. Never once have they guilted me over my choices, but they've been game to visit wherever I live, they call, they support, they send packages, they kept me updated during grandparent illnesses… I am very close to my parents, but I don't live near them.

Over the years, I've realized that I have plenty of friends who live far away from their parents who don't have the benefit of that support. Don't be that parent. You can have a good relationship with your daughter no matter where she lives--but not if you're making a fuss about where she lives. You can tell her you'll miss her even as you tell her you're proud of her and support her, and I urge you to find your way down that path.

[Anonymous]

It also depends on what you study as to if she'll come home or not.

Did you move back to the state you grew up in?
My family is all local, but DC is where the jobs are for me and my siblings. I'm one sub-division over from my parents with in-laws 40 minutes away. Also my SIL is local, with local family. But we joke that we couldn't move anywhere due to our job set - it's not family that keeps us local - its our jobs

My best friend from High School went to Pepperdine and came back to DC to practice law (I forget where he went to law school).

I often joke that I am grooming my kids for jobs in the foreign service (I'm a big pusher of foreign language skills and people skills). And people tease me that it means they will just move away. I point out I'll retire and make extended visits!

I've watched my au pair skype with her family. The world is smaller.

[Anonymous]

don't know anyone whose child graduated from a California school who came home after graduation.

Get a grip Mom.
It's ok if you had said that costs meant she had to go public instate,
but aside from that, you have no case.
Concentrate on the adjustment coming - the adjustment you would
face no matter where she goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her go, Mom. It's time. You did a great job to have a kid confident enough to strike out on her own like that.

Thanks but it isn't about "letting her go" to college -- it is the fear that she'll be gone for good. Looking down the road, I don't want to be a long-dstance grandmother!!!

your child is 18 and you are worried about grandchildren? get a grip. guarantee your daughter will be posting in the family relationships forum about you in ten years or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might stay for a bit after graduating but it seems
Like most females move back to their hometown. Id encourage her to go now since she clearly wants the west coast experience. Otherwise she may try to move there for grad school then she will have networks, connections and possibly meet a hubby! Mount Saint Mary's is a surprising safety school for LA. Has she looked into LMU? Fantastic school right on the water

? not at all. but ok.