Fear of losing them to the other coast...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern would be that her overwhelming desire to go to California seems to have gotten in the way of her ability to distinguish among schools in California. Some of the schools on her list are really mediocre. Stanford, the Claremont colleges, and USC make sense (although maybe not for the same person), but Occidental and Mount Saint Mary's don't. Why are there no UCs on the list?

I guess my bottom line as a parent is that I won't dictate the location or type of school, but I will exercise quality control. This is an education not a vacation we're talking about -- and DC has to make the case that the school she wants to attend is a good choice in terms of putting her on the path toward a career that will enable her to become self-supporting.

You are clearly not familiar with Occidental. Its a really good school.

I am. It isn't. Almost 80% of the students who get accepted there turn them down. Basically, it can't compete with the UCs (except Merced, which is still a work very much in progress and in a less desirable location). Occidental has some things going for it -- location (broadly defined and assuming access to a car), pretty campus, ability to cross-register for classes at CalTech and CalArts -- but it's just not a really good school.

[Anonymous]

I know this post is a year old, but I would love some closure. OP: where did your child apply and did she ultimately decide to go to the west coast? Finding myself in a similar situation at the moment. DD has been open to many different options and has looked at a variety of colleges, but finds herself drawn to the idea of going to college in California. Knowing this, we visited CA and saw colleges from San Diego to San Francisco. Well worth it to separate the fantasy from reality. She was able to cross some off her list, but still has some favorites with differing levels of admissions difficulty, so she will likely get in one or more place. Just wondering how your experience played out.

[Anonymous]

Everyone calm down, don't be so apocalyptical! Sending a kid off to be a freshman in any city anywhere is a baby step toward deserting "the nest". They are experimenting with independence, and will need your support as much as ever during the coming years. Unless they are successfully absorbed into work-study over breaks/summers they will be calling your home "home" for some time to come. "if you love someone set them free". Family will always be family, and if it is a good, supportive and healthy relationship you will not go too long missing each other -- ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her go, Mom. It's time. You did a great job to have a kid confident enough to strike out on her own like that.

Thanks but it isn't about "letting her go" to college -- it is the fear that she'll be gone for good. Looking down the road, I don't want to be a long-dstance grandmother!!!

Then move to California.

[Anonymous]

In my friend group the people who stayed close to home for college ended up moving away after college and never came home. Those who went away for college all returned to their hometowns. Also the case for me and my siblings.

[Anonymous]

People move around all over the place to pursue professional opportunities after college.

I was born in California, moved at a really young age to DC, and moved again around middle school to the Chicago area. I went to college in the Pacific Northwest, grad school in Texas, and now live in California again because DH and I both had a chance to pursue good career opportunities here. I have plenty of friends from high school, college, and grad school who ended up all over the place. Several of my college friends now live in New York, Boston, or DC because there were good professional opportunities for them in those cities, despite the fact that my college was located on the west coast.

There is no guarantee that if your daughter went to college on the east coast that she wouldn't relocate for grad school or to pursue a great opportunity after college. After all, many cities are dominant in certain industries. Regardless of where she goes to college, if your daughter goes into journalism, finance, etc. there is a good chance she would end up in New York. If your daughter goes into biotech, she'll probably end up in the SF bay area or Boston. If she becomes a high level software engineer, she'll probably end up in the bay area. If she wants to go into entertainment, she'll probably end up in LA. If she ends up having a career that is related to politics or policy, DC. And so on.

I think it's way to early to think about whether or not you are going to be a long distance grandmother. Who knows where her life will take her in the next decade or so before she will have kids. If it's really so important to you, you can consider moving where she is after you retire.

[Anonymous]

OP, your concerns are justified.

Also, depending on which of these colleges she picks, the kids might be more local, and the likelihood of her finding a mate that is a Californian is higher.

So sure, be afraid as she takes off. Hope she decides to go to grad school near you.

There are two things you can do: first, decide you may move where she ends up.

Second...buy a house in your town. Rent it out. Tell her if she ever wants to live in (your town), she can live there rent free. Drive her by it or even have her help pick it out.

She may be off in NYC or LA or SF, but she'll always know there is a landing spot in your city. When she has kids, she may take you up on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her go, Mom. It's time. You did a great job to have a kid confident enough to strike out on her own like that.

Thanks but it isn't about "letting her go" to college -- it is the fear that she'll be gone for good. Looking down the road, I don't want to be a long-dstance grandmother!!!

They typically have longer visits home when they live on another coast. Think 2-3 weeks.
Also, mom, you could either follow or visit yourself!

[Anonymous]

*** FOLKS *** this is an ancient thread you have resurrected. Not likely to see an update from OP unless very lucky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her go, Mom. It's time. You did a great job to have a kid confident enough to strike out on her own like that.

Thanks but it isn't about "letting her go" to college -- it is the fear that she'll be gone for good. Looking down the road, I don't want to be a long-dstance grandmother!!!

They typically have longer visits home when they live on another coast. Think 2-3 weeks.
Also, mom, you could either follow or visit yourself!

Unless her daughter becomes a SAHM, it's highly unlikely she will have enough vacation time to frequently make 2-3 week visits back home. Especially if she has long distance in laws to visit as well and likes to take other vacations.