I declined these invites -- What would you do?

[Anonymous]

My daughter was invited to a birthday party 2 years in a row. This is not a close friend of my DD...just a school friend. BOTH times, we but to bring CASH instead of a wrapped present. The cash would be split in two. Half would be given to a charity (not specified), and the other half would be given to the birthday girl to use for whatever she likes.

Now, also know that the first party was an ice skating party for kindergarteners. The birthday girl is an accomplished skater. The invited children would be expected to be on their own on a big rink unless a parent skated with them. Unfortunately I am unable to do so (nor is DH) because of muscular-skeletal issues (we are older parents). When I asked about supervision on the rink I was told that they did not have any extra adults to help with the inexperienced children. OK then! Invite declined.

The second party (this past year) was held on a Saturday night on Valentine's Day...yes I kid you not. Again, the cash only direction for gift. Invite declined.

Just curious as to what others would do in a similar situation. Just an FYI, we never invited this girl to our DD's parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was invited to a birthday party 2 years in a row. This is not a close friend of my DD...just a school friend. BOTH times, we but to bring CASH instead of a wrapped present. The cash would be split in two. Half would be given to a charity (not specified), and the other half would be given to the birthday girl to use for whatever she likes.

Now, also know that the first party was an ice skating party for kindergarteners. The birthday girl is an accomplished skater. The invited children would be expected to be on their own on a big rink unless a parent skated with them. Unfortunately I am unable to do so (nor is DH) because of muscular-skeletal issues (we are older parents). When I asked about supervision on the rink I was told that they did not have any extra adults to help with the inexperienced children. OK then! Invite declined.

The second party (this past year) was held on a Saturday night on Valentine's Day...yes I kid you not. Again, the cash only direction for gift. Invite declined.

Just curious as to what others would do in a similar situation. Just an FYI, we never invited this girl to our DD's parties.

Sorry for the typo in the third sentence. We were told to bring CASH instead of a wrapped present.

[Anonymous]

I think the cash thing is weird, but it wouldn't stop me from attending.

If I, as a parent, was planning an ice skating party at that age, I'd want a few teenage helpers or something on the ice, but if I as a parent couldn't be on the ice to help, I'd just hang around the edge and cheer my kid on, and be available to help lace skates and manage bathroom trips. I'd also assume that other parents would stay so if my kid fell and needed help up, there would be other moms there.

I think a drop off party on Valentine's day evening sounds like a great idea, as it offers childcare so parents can have some 1:1 time.

[Anonymous]

The cash request is a turnoff, no doubt. But I would have no problem allowing my child to go to a party on Valentine's night (we're always home that night) or to an ice skating party. In fact, my son has gone to a few ice skating parties, and he's not a skater. He just hangs onto the side until he feels comfortable to let go. He always has a blast.

[Anonymous]

Just decline. Some people invite everyone to be polite but expect several to drop out. Sounds like you dropped out.

Personally though the whole "cash" present is I think, deeply vulgar and wouldn't inspire me to attend (regardless of all the other shenanigans you mentioned).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the cash thing is weird, but it wouldn't stop me from attending.

If I, as a parent, was planning an ice skating party at that age, I'd want a few teenage helpers or something on the ice, but if I as a parent couldn't be on the ice to help, I'd just hang around the edge and cheer my kid on, and be available to help lace skates and manage bathroom trips. I'd also assume that other parents would stay so if my kid fell and needed help up, there would be other moms there.

I think a drop off party on Valentine's day evening sounds like a great idea, as it offers childcare so parents can have some 1:1 time.

Drop off works if you don't have other kids. Saturday night is kind of inconvenient. Yes the cash request is strange.

[Anonymous]

I would decline too. What nationality are these birthday kids? I've never seen an American ask for cash.

[Anonymous]

I stopped at the cash-halvsies request. No way are you going to specific what type of gift I bring to your kids' party.

[Anonymous]

I would have declined too. No sweat, OP.

[Anonymous]

Kindergartners skating on the ice without a parent but with other adults around is fine. There might be issues with rambunctious children or inattentive adults, but you can't know that beforehand.

Valentine's Day party work for some, not for us. Again, fine.

Cash, however, is contrary to all European and by extension North American etiquette. Even immigrants should know this! I know in India and other cultures it is considered more acceptable than gifts, but we are in the US.

So, yes not really inspiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the cash thing is weird, but it wouldn't stop me from attending.

If I, as a parent, was planning an ice skating party at that age, I'd want a few teenage helpers or something on the ice, but if I as a parent couldn't be on the ice to help, I'd just hang around the edge and cheer my kid on, and be available to help lace skates and manage bathroom trips. I'd also assume that other parents would stay so if my kid fell and needed help up, there would be other moms there.

I think a drop off party on Valentine's day evening sounds like a great idea, as it offers childcare so parents can have some 1:1 time.

Drop off works if you don't have other kids. Saturday night is kind of inconvenient. Yes the cash request is strange.

But if you do have other kids, you either have childcare for Valentines' Day, so they're taken care of, or you don't in which case you aren't really celebrating so it's as easy as any other day to take the kid to a party.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't decline for the cash gift request but my own kids wouldn't have been ready to skate solo at a skating rink in Kindergarten. I also would have been reluctant to give up a romantic Valentine's Day dinner to drop off/pick up my child at a kiddie party. So I likely would have declined those particular invites

[Anonymous]

Who wants to go to such a complicated party? Complicated gift request, complicated activity. And the poor birthday girl doesn't get to unwrap any presents from her friends. Cash and gift cards are for older kids. At that age it is all about the pretty box with a bow.

[Anonymous]

If my kid wanted to go, I'd let her go. There's nothing wrong with kids learning how to ice skate. Everyone has to fall. My kid is an ice skater and I see new skaters all the time. I always tell them what to do when they're losing balance and how to get up if they do fall. Not a big deal.

The gift rules are bullshit though. I'd get the kid some toy and let the parents work it out. Regarding being a Saturday night on Valentines Day, so what? My husband and I love each other every night - we don't need to celebrate our love on Valentine's Day - we can sacrifice one night for our kid to have fun at a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

It not just falling on the ice though, is it? Its falling on the ice amongst people wearing blades on the bottom of their skates.

Face + skate = mess