Help us find the impossible: a dog that satisfies this insane list of criteria!
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Anonymous
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After many dog-less years, we think it is time to get a dog. Wondering if anyone has suggestions of dogs breeds or mixes that satisfy as many as possible of the following insane list of criteria:
- Not prone to obsessive whimpering, barking, furniture chewing, etc.; mellow and calm - Not prone to neurotic neediness, but affectionate and cuddly without being - Not prone to getting into unprovoked fights with other dogs; Friendly and gentle to kids and other animals; not - Not a little yappy thing - Not slobbery - Not excessively prone to emitting noxious gases - Not possessed of such a small bladder that it requires walks ever two hours - Not so long-haired that it must be taken to the groomer weekly or it won't be able to see and its hair will spontaneously form dreadlocks - Not so tiny that it can be confused with a rodent - Not so large that an average-sized woman can't pick it up and carry it down the block in a crisis - Not so strong that a ten or twelve-year-old child can't control it on the leash if it spots a squirrel - Not so hound-y that it is perpetually up-ending the trash cans - Not so dumb as to be untrainable - Not so smart that it will chew up a library of priceless first editions if it decides you're not providing it with sufficient mental stimulation - Not so slothful that it refuses to walk more than 30 feet in inclement weather - Not so energetic that it requires five mile runs on a daily basis - Not such a dedicated wanderer that it will resurface in Alabama if allowed off-leash for a millisecond - Not such a Houdini that it will perpetually be digging holes under the fence and chewing through closed doors when it decides it would like to go out I think I am probably leaving some criteria out but you get the idea. Do such paragons of canine perfection exist? |
Anonymous
| A cat would satisfy most of your criteria. |
Anonymous
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True. I should have added:
- Not a cat. (Or a robot dog). |
Anonymous
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Check into Great Danes? Not sure what crisis would require that you pick up your dog, if it's not a little yippy thing.
I have many of these same criteria. My concern about GDs is short lifespan. |
Anonymous
| Boston terrier! |
Anonymous
| Actually you described my dog. She is a rescue mutt. If I could clone her I would as she is great. She was with a foster so we got a lot of good info about her before we adopted her. |
Anonymous
OP, in all honesty, I don't think you're cut out for a dog, unless you pass a list of characteristics that your potential dog has for you.  Seriously.
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Anonymous
| standard poodle might be worth considering too, though they do require grooming because they don't shed. More of a pro than a con though. Have you had any dogs before, OP? What did you have? |
Anonymous
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My dog meets all those criteria.
He's a rescue mutt. Probably a mix of herding dog and spaniel. |
Anonymous
| It's not time to get a dog, OP. |
Anonymous
OP here. I didn't say the dog has to satisfy ALL those criteria! Just "as many as possible."
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Anonymous
I've picked up my dog before. He injured his leg and I needed to get him to a vet, so I carried him down the stairs and out to the car. As a single person whose child was too small to carry the dog, I don't know what I'd have done in that circumstance with a Great Dane. |
Anonymous
C'mon people. Lighten up. |
Anonymous
So no one should get a Great Dame lest they injure their leg? |