Sibling's DUI: tell our parents?

[Anonymous]

My sister got a DUI last night. She is shaken up and upset but thankfully she did not hurt anyone or herself. I am naturally furious with her but am trying to be understanding and help her. She has no money to pay for lawyers and such, and her friend lent her the money to get her car released, which she needs if she's going to keep her job. She was going to ask my parents for the money but I told her I would help her (I don't have the cash either but I can find it if need be). I am struggling with whether or not I should tell my parents. She obviously doesn't want to because she doesn't want them to stress and worry, and im sure she is also embarrassed and doesn't want them to be disappointed in her. I want to tell them because I don't want to keep secrets from them and also because I think they need to know what she is dealing with. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Don't. Don't alienate your sister by doing this. Honestly, it sounds like you want to tell them so you can be like "see Larla is the screw up Look at me. I'm the good one. Helping her out even though I can't really afford to. See I'm the best daughter"

[Anonymous]

How old are the two of you? If she's over 18, my answer is don't tell.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your opinion. I am really worried about her and I want to tell them because I think the whole family needs to be involved in helping her deal with her problem with alcohol. I don't live near her and they do, so I was thinking they could help her more than me just giving her money. But I haven't said anything yet, and I don't want to alienate her like you said.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT TELL!

[Anonymous]

Oh yes, over 18, she's 39 and I'm 42.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her and see if you can make her feel ok about telling them herself.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to say you are worried about her drinking (assuming you know there is an actual problem and this wasn't a one time mistake and she's not much of a drinker normally). But don't bring up the DUI

[Anonymous]

No, don't tell them. It's her business to tell.

[Anonymous]

It is not your story to tell. If you want to help her financially than do so because you want to not because you want act act superior. Driving while intoxicated is never acceptable, but I do think there is a difference if it is her first DUI and she was only slightly over the limit.

[Anonymous]

If she's being reasonable, no need to tell.
If she's an alcoholic and can't recognize it, then maybe time to tell so that nobody can accuse you of covering up if there's a serious accident.

[Anonymous]

What are your parents like? My brother came home shit-faced while my parents were out of town. He threw up all over the carpet outside the bathroom. I cleaned everything up. Brother begged me not to tell. I agreed. But, I was just home from college for the summer and worried what would happen if my parents were clueless about this incident. I went to my parents and said, "I'm telling you something I think you ought to know about it, but if you let on that you know or that I am the one that shared, it will not be helpful." Then I explained the incident and said they had to keep a closer eye on him. brother, because I'm worried this incident might indicate a developing drinking problem.

As far as I know, my parents never gave it up that they knew. (Brother also never developed into a heavier drinker.)

What is your relationship with your parents? Can you share in some way that you are worried about sister's drinking, without spilling the beans about the DUI? Can you share about the DUI and will they be able to keep it secret that they know and extend the appropriate, nonjudgmental help?

What is your relationship with your sister? I'd try to tell her that she should go to AA. Consult with the lawyer, but coming into court and being able to say to the judge, "I'm ashamed this happened and I'm already taking steps to address it," is probably helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not your story to tell. If you want to help her financially than do so because you want to not because you want act act superior. Driving while intoxicated is never acceptable, but I do think there is a difference if it is her first DUI and she was only slightly over the limit.

It's her it's DUI, but her BAC was 0.22. She has a problem.

[Anonymous]

She claims she will go to AA, etc. all the stuff you would want to hear. But in my opinion, talk is cheap. Who knows if she will really follow through? I feel like she nearly needs an intervention, and even that might not help.

[Anonymous]

This is not your news to tell. Your sister is an adult. She's 39 years old. You do not need to be involving yourself in her relationship with your parents.

The process of dealing with a DUI is going to be pretty involved, and I would suspect that she's at least going to have to do some substance abuse counseling as part of any sentence.